View Full Version : Giving/given up.
Today is a really bad day, not because i am anxious or panicky, but simply because the state of my 'life'.
I do hate whinging because there are people who are sick and are really ill who have no chance of recovery, but living with this fricking awful mental hell that is agoraphobia for 10 years solid, i feel that trying to continue fighting is pointless. Its got me nowhere, i am going nowhere, my life is sh*t, i cannot cope with this anymore. I'm tired.
:hugs: bluebell, i know how you feel - i know this feeling well, i have also been agorophobic for along time and even though ive made progress, i am still plagued by fear, and i too like you at times think my life is terrible. at the moment my life feels rubbish too - i could go into details but id be here all night:blush: i know it seems impossible to do, because you are soooo tired of this state that you are in - but BELEIVE it can get better - you know you have to do some work to get better, but it will be worth it. i know life feels utterly pointless when you are like this, and everything is so hard and such a big struggle, the only thing i can say is that you are not alone, and also that the depression/down/despondent/negative feelings and thoughts are all part and parcel of the anxiety state, take care emma:flowers:
Hi Emma,
I really do appreciate your comment....but....i've been at this for TEN years. If i was going to get better, i reckon i would have done by now.
x
hello Bluebell
I know how you feel coz I too have been like this for nearly 10 years. Today I feel I have gone so far back and feel like giving up but we have to try and look forward and be positive for our kids coz they need us to do this. Last week I was managing to go shopping, even managed a trip out on my own but today that all seems so far away but I will go back out there again and keep trying until I do get it right and I hope you will too. You are worth so much more don't give keep working at it.
Take care
Love
Carol
xx
:hugs: guys, i know you have been like this for a long time - me too 8 years agoro, and anxiety sufferer since age 14 - so i know exactly how you feel - but its the depression at your situation talking not you!!!!!! how i try my hardest to make myself feel more hopeful is to remind myself that i did used to be normal - well compared to now! - i figure if ive been like that once i can be like that again? its like a belief thing - even when ive felt how i have foir the last 3 days - that if i dont have contact with my mother-in-law i will panic and completely lose contro!!! and i went to anglesay for the weekend with jus tmy hub and daughter, which was quite stressful coz they kept arguing and they were a bit peed off at one point coz i wopuldnt go down these steps down a sheer cliff to a light house!!! another year and i wouldnt have been able to cope with all the nagativity- but what im saying is i went away, i come back and i feel pants again:weep: i know that that is a big acheivement for me to go away, but i come home and this fear of being alone all day is back again, anf this knowl;edge that i have 2 ppl in my life and my daughter:blush: so i have no body to turn to for a chat, and then i too get depressed. but with regards getting over this, like i said you havent been like this before 10 years ago - so you are not destined to be like this forever - even if it feels like it now - its all the negative thoughts that are stopppin gyou from making progress - just little acheivements will give you the hope you need. im not trying to make it sound easy, because i know it isnt - i dont ask for help and advice but that doesnt mean im okay - id say im only okay 20% of the time - the rest im either anxious ior depressed - but then im determined to turn the rest of my time around - like you i think my life is crap and i dont feel i have the strength to change things, but i do really i just need to beleive it more instead of telling myself i cant all the time. i know you doubt yourself and your ability that is part of agoraphobia - but it can be reversed - please beleive that? tkae care emma:flowers: :hugs:
do i assume you've all tried meds in the past?
Love Joy
Yes and i have no intentions of going back there. Everybody has their own opinions and experiences of medication and mine is one that i have NO interest of repeating.
:) me too bluebell, for me meds will never be an answer
Exactly. To me it masks the issue, its a temporary fix (MY PERSONAL OPINION). However, my way is not working either!
Just thought I'd ask!!!!!!!!
Joy
Joy, some people find that meds help them to lead a better life whereas others like myself have found ways to cope without them but it's a personal decision as to which way of coping a person prefers. There is no right or wrong way. Finding whichever suits someone best to be able to cope with life is all that matters.:hugs:
Bluebell, I know you're not in a happy situation at home and no doubt you feel trapped as a result especially with your anxieties on top.
i feel that trying to continue fighting is pointless. You're actually quite right in saying this. Maybe you should try giving in to your fears rather than trying to resist them. It's the fighting them that is making you feel so depressed because the fear is making you feel trapped. If you stopped trying to resist them you'd then be able to make a life for your own within your situation and as a result you'd feel much happier. Just try to stop fighting your thoughts and they'll stop frightening you.:hugs:
Emma, I admire your courage but I do feel you're trying to do too much for yourself "alone". I know that you've said that people are "extremely unreliable" so you feel the only people you can turn to on here but surely there are other mothers who could visit you and you'd have things in common with your children? Wouldn't that help you to feel less alone if you tried to allow others into your life? You might even find someone with similar problems so be able to support each other? It's just a thought Emma.:hugs:
Carol, I think you've overdone things!!! :winks: You need to remember your limits next time so you don't stress yourself out!:hugs:
Stress is a big factor with anxiety. If we ease our stresses, we find anxiety easier to cope with. We just have to remember not to over stress ourselves and keep to our limits wherever possible.:hugs:
Thanks Emma and Bill for the good advise. I feel alot better today and much more positive and yes Bill you are absolutely right I have been overdoing it. I have accepted that I still need to take it a bit slower and I can't do all I used to I have been flogging myself and not been very patient and kind to myself so this is my next lesson.
Bluebell I hope you feel more positive today. I wish you all the best
Love
Carol
:) hi i wrote a massive post and then lost it coz it had logged me out - sorry! how are you today bluebell?:hugs:
Hi there Bluebell? Yes how are things today? i ask this because even though the agoraphobia has been with you for 10 years, has it been severe all the time or have you had it on and off in this time period?
some folks with anxiety find that they reach rock bottom, but the next day or week may not be so bad.
I also feel at the bottom of the well at the moment, but there again i went to docs this am and although felt a bit shakey it wasn't too bad, But now i feel depressed again because like you fed up with pills, now i'm on maximum dose of citalopram and hell don't you just look around and wish you could be someone else!!! someone who's smiling without much care in the world, just looking forward to a nice weekend. Got the job, got a life what u used to have and bloody hell how much longer is this going to go on for!!!
yep Bluebell like you feel like "whats the point"
But we have to keep going, cause the alternative is something too dreadful to contemplate.
Anyway sorry you so low, and i really hope you can have a few days or like me at moment an hour at a time respite
from the depression, "normal" folk dont seem to understand how exhausting it can be to get through a bad day.
Take care Bluebell luv Richie x x x x x x x:hugs: :hugs:
Bless you Richie.
I have been worse than this. I was roombound in 2001 with 24 hour panic attacks. Then in 2002 i started to recover. At the time i was scared of puking when i was out, so i would take an anti-emetic, that seemed to curb my fear a bit, but then after 18 months of NO panic i experienced several straight off and that done me in, that was late 2006. Since then i have been on a downward spiral of depression and panic. I am not quite housebound, but i can't go anywhere alone, nor can i travel far from home with my mother (safe person). Depression has been with me for about 9 months now, maybe more....and its a horrible place to be. Like i said, somedays are better than others, yesterday it was a very horrible day. Today, not so bad.
I dunno. Fed up with it all.
Glad that you feeling not so bad at moment , and i noticed that you are going to recieve therapy, so hope that has lifted your spirits a little.
The CBT will be tough at first but keep going with it because eventually u will see some results. Some people are "cured" with it others find it a more gradual process, but whatever it will leave you with some coping skills to use.
And like u said if you don't raise your hopes too much then you might be plesently surprised :) if it does help. but not devastated if it doesn't.
Glad to hear that you are not as housebound as you were in 2001. Shows that u have made some progress especially from( roombound) i sometimes like that and its your worst nightmare isn't it. A sort of private Hell.
love and best wishes to you Bluebell, hope all goes well. Keep posted
Richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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