Paulos
27-03-08, 19:56
I know you may be getting impatient with me but I want to fix my life, I'm over analytical but this is not my fault you see. Remember I am also autistic so it's like banging your head against a brick wall when you're talking to me. Regarding what I could be suffering from, alcoholism, brain damage, depression, anxiety *I don't know if it's anxiety*, ocd... my horrific medication withdrawal from January and the horrible 2 weeks of March which I am pleased to say I am back on 75mg of Lamictal which will be increased this Monday. Either way I'm going to list a few things that I've been experiencing lately and I'm not asking for medical help I'm just curious on what you think I might be suffering from... and I'll fix some loose ends if I mess up like say something that I didn't explain correctly.
1. My memory, my memory hasn't always been the greatest but it's been pretty weak lately. Now here's where I tie a loose end, could this be a symptom of boozing for the past couple years and even though I went off it for 24 days in December, and 27 days in February, I could still be suffering from it? Example after I write this whole thing I will maybe only remember like 5% of it or less.
2. My insane OCD as of late, it's been worse than ever... every time I see a dog hair in my house I begin to get uncomfortable, then my mind begins to wander... this is where I begin to wonder about myself, my life, how I cannot do things, how I am afraid of the phone *social phobia I assume*... before booze I was afraid of the phone but I had more ambition for things. I over analyze things ... I feel I don't understand certain grammar terms at times and have to sometimes hear it again... the OCD has been making me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Even a FUNNY SHOW like Ren and Stimpy makes me scared that I'm losing my intelligence because I don't understand every word of it or sometimes a certain word of it.
3. Loss of passions/interests in the past few years. This alllll began from November 2005 as I've mentioned in my prior posts. Ever since my first alcohol withdrawal in November, *which I had been binging just getting used to the booze as a teenager type* that is where I developed my panic disorder, my anxiety, palpitations, chest pains, part of my OCD even though I had OCD before but it didn't make me feel as uncomfortable as it does now. I drowned my anxiety with booze and ever since then... from 2005, 2006 and most of 2007 I binged to get away from life, *smoked 4 cigs a night* watched movies to have more enjoyment with them, and to be more cheerful, so you see I became addicted to booze. I could be able to drink like 3 liters of boxed wine a night, but that was when I was a bad drunk not willing to stop, now I am. A prime example of my passion loss is my website, I have not put any sweat/work into it ever since I begun drinking and it's been 2 years and a half!
4. Overwhelment of little things, this is one of my hardest things... this is also involved with the OCD... whenever someone talks to me about things I don't know, I get overwhelmed quickly, I get scared/sad and I panic immediately.
Well I'll leave it at that so far, as you see... over analytical about the situation but this is my life and I have to make the right choices. I just wanted to see your opinions about if you think there is something wrong with me that maybe alcoholism isn't doing to me.
1. My memory, my memory hasn't always been the greatest but it's been pretty weak lately. Now here's where I tie a loose end, could this be a symptom of boozing for the past couple years and even though I went off it for 24 days in December, and 27 days in February, I could still be suffering from it? Example after I write this whole thing I will maybe only remember like 5% of it or less.
2. My insane OCD as of late, it's been worse than ever... every time I see a dog hair in my house I begin to get uncomfortable, then my mind begins to wander... this is where I begin to wonder about myself, my life, how I cannot do things, how I am afraid of the phone *social phobia I assume*... before booze I was afraid of the phone but I had more ambition for things. I over analyze things ... I feel I don't understand certain grammar terms at times and have to sometimes hear it again... the OCD has been making me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Even a FUNNY SHOW like Ren and Stimpy makes me scared that I'm losing my intelligence because I don't understand every word of it or sometimes a certain word of it.
3. Loss of passions/interests in the past few years. This alllll began from November 2005 as I've mentioned in my prior posts. Ever since my first alcohol withdrawal in November, *which I had been binging just getting used to the booze as a teenager type* that is where I developed my panic disorder, my anxiety, palpitations, chest pains, part of my OCD even though I had OCD before but it didn't make me feel as uncomfortable as it does now. I drowned my anxiety with booze and ever since then... from 2005, 2006 and most of 2007 I binged to get away from life, *smoked 4 cigs a night* watched movies to have more enjoyment with them, and to be more cheerful, so you see I became addicted to booze. I could be able to drink like 3 liters of boxed wine a night, but that was when I was a bad drunk not willing to stop, now I am. A prime example of my passion loss is my website, I have not put any sweat/work into it ever since I begun drinking and it's been 2 years and a half!
4. Overwhelment of little things, this is one of my hardest things... this is also involved with the OCD... whenever someone talks to me about things I don't know, I get overwhelmed quickly, I get scared/sad and I panic immediately.
Well I'll leave it at that so far, as you see... over analytical about the situation but this is my life and I have to make the right choices. I just wanted to see your opinions about if you think there is something wrong with me that maybe alcoholism isn't doing to me.