View Full Version : Giving up..
Im in need of some hugs.. Im in a real bad way at the moment. As soon as I woke up this morniing, I was anxious and very depressed. The girls were both screaming and I took it very personally. I even started planning my own suicide. I just keep thinking about the happy person I once was and it upsets me so much that I cant do the things I used to do. I feel my life is over already:weep: :weep: :weep:
I really feel I cant go on. I am worried about what will happen to my kids and I know its selfish to say this but my need to end it all seems more important than them. Im in the depths of despair and I cant see a way out.
HI KAZ
IM SENDING YOU BIG HUGS HUN, WRAPPING MY ARMS AROUND YOU AND HOLDING YOU TIGHT:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
DONT GIVE UP ONE DAY YOU MIGHT BE THAT PERSON YOU ONCE WAS BUT NOT TODAY.
TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT THE ANXIETY WAS ABOUT AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK ITS NOT WORTH GOING ON.YOU SAID YOU FEEL IN THE DEPTH OF DESPAIR AND CANT SEE A WAY OUT . TELL ME SOME MORE ABOUT THAT, THESE FEELING WILL PULL YOU DOWN, IF IT HELPS TO TALK PLEASE TALK.
I KEEP SAYING TO MY HUBBY I WANT TO BE NESS AGAIN I WANT TO LAUGH AT A JOKE AND I WANT TO BE HAPPY WHEN WILL THAT HAPPEN. DONT HAVE THE ANSWERS.
IM SO GLAD YOU FEEL ABLE TO COME HERE AND TELL US WHATS GOING ON FOR YOU, WE CAN BE HERE FOR YOU ITS SAFE HERE AND YOU BEING SUPPORTED.
YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON WHO IS STRUGGLING WITH HUGE PROBLEMS , ONE DAY I HOPE YOU WILL BE YOU AGAIN.
TAKE CARE OF YOU
SMUDGIE
Lilith1980
28-03-08, 09:40
Hi Kaz :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I'm sorry you feel so bad today. I know you are fed up with not being the person you once were, but things will improve hun. It will be a lot of hard work and at times you may have to confront things that are upsetting, and test your resolve, but you will get there hun.
I too wake up sometimes and for no reason, I feel so down and edgy. It ruins my day, and then from that moment any thought that comes into my head makes me anxious. I hate those days, but I know I can come on here and post about it and I will get the support and encouragement from the people on here - I think that's what you should keep doing hun.
You wont wake up every morning feeling like this hun - no one day is the same. That's why you've done the right thing by coming on here and expressing how you feel hun. This alone will help :hugs:
Keep talking to us hun, dont bottle the feelings up. You're doing so well hun :hugs:
Jo xxxxx
Granny Primark
28-03-08, 09:40
Im so sorry your feeling this way kaz.
Please let the people on here give you their support, love and help.
Weve all felt like this at times. But just knowing others understand and care really does help.
I had this poem given to me on a key ring and when ive felt really down ive read it and its helped me. Hope it does the same for you.
DONT QUIT!
When your at your lowest and ready to give in,
grit your teeth and start again remember you can win.
Each day that you wake up be determined in your mind
that youl it to the full and i think that you will find
Each like a bonus and what more could you ask
God will lend lend a hand as well and help you with this task.
Strength will come with each new day
growing bit by bit
I believe that you can do it
So just for me dont quit!
Hope it helps.
Please feel free to pm anytime.
Big hugs.
Take care
LYNN xx
Thank you.. I dont know why Im so anxious. Its just a feeling that is always there. some days are worse.
Nearly 3 years ago a very dear friend died in a car accident. Even though I was having panic attacks before, the grief made them 20 times worse. I drank very heavily and took alot of drugs which also made things worse. I had a breakdown and had to come back to my home town and try and recover. My marriage broke down and I never went back to London. I am with someone else and we have twin girls. During my pregnancy I wasnt too bad but over the last year I have got worse. I have had alot of family problems and my grandad died this month.
I used to see a psychotherapist but I couldnt get anyone to look after the girls while I went to the appointment. my partner works all the time and I have no close friends anymore to talk to. It sounds awful but sometimes I wish I had never had children.
Lilith1980
28-03-08, 11:01
It doesnt sound awful hun, you have been through the mill and have a lot going on in your mind at the moment and when you have children, I can appreciate that this would add another pressure.
How much would childcare cost if you left the children with someone while you went to the psychotherapist?
I think you are being too hard on yourself and expecting yourself (after all that has gone on), to just get on with life and bounce back with a smile. But it doesnt work like that and you shouldnt beat yourself up over feeling so low.
Are you indoors all day with the children? Is there any way you could leave the house, go for a walk, even if you take them in the buggy with you, at least you are getting some air.
Are there any groups in your area where you could meet with other Mums so you get some interaction?
Jo xxxxx
:hugs: hi kaz, i know that everyone is trying their hardest to help you because either they know how you feel or else they know you and care and wan tyou to be okay? i have been where you are and not too long ago - i always can succumb to the thoughts of 'whats the point'? and at times i too have felt that i needed to end it all and also tha thaving my daughter was the worst thing i could have done - but this is a phase that will pass - depression even untreated has a life span, ther are things you can do to help yourself, and the feelings can come and go over the day. so you can wakwe up like htis but feel more capable over the day and less overwhelmed. have you been to the website uncommonknowledge ? it helped me alot. just keep posting anf talking to everyone on here and you will start ot feel better, i can guarantee it - there are things in your life that are causing stress so you need to problem solve and make things easier for yourself - depression robs you of this ability - but you will see it coming back and then you will know that it isnt a permanent state even if it feels like it is, take care emma:hugs: :flowers:
Hi Kaz,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down at the moment, have some big squashy hugs from me.
:bighug1: :bighug1: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :bighug1: :bighug1:
I think it is a really positive step that you posted on here and am sure that these feelings will pass. Depression is an illness like any other and not the real you so don't feel guilty about what you're thinking. Try and take things slowly with small steps and don't push yourself too hard. You've had a really hard time and deserve time to rest and recharge.
Take care,
Mike :)
honeybee3939
28-03-08, 13:11
Hi Kaz
Never give up hun, there is light at the end of the tunnel i promise you that. i have been in your sittuation many many times, and things do get better with the right help and support.
Be strong !:hugs:
http://www.boomspeed.com/1631951/hugs05.jpg
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxxxx
Thank you so much for the support everyone. I feel a bit better getting things off my chest and you have been great. :yesyes:
How old are the girls? Is it possible you have post natal depression which can occur quite a long time afterwards?
I assume you have been to the docs about how you feel?
Hope you feel a little better today
Love Joy
Hello and sorry you are having such a very bad time of things at moment:blush: :blush: :blush:
Do empathise with you as will alot of folk
here are some big hugs for you
Richie:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Hi Kaz
Im so glad you have posted back, I was worried about you this morning and have returned to see if you feel any better.
By reading the threads I can see you have caring people around you and your not alone.
i hope it has made you feel a little better.
See you have started to talk with us. Hope you find all the support you need.
Take care of you
Smudgie
Hi Kaz :D
Glad you feel a little better for getting it off yr chest .
Just wanted to say my heart goes out to you .
I have had some real dark times related to being a mum and still do sometimes .
I live with guilt all the time cos of my thoughts towards my 'role' .
Am just kinda turning a corner with it and am begining to think 'hey maybe im not an evil twisted bitch after all ' . I truly wish for things to improve for u xx
All of us here for you
Love Hope xx
pink daisy
29-03-08, 13:36
http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o207/bicfomh/gg01/hugs/hugs004.gif
How old are the girls? Is it possible you have post natal depression which can occur quite a long time afterwards?
I assume you have been to the docs about how you feel?
Hope you feel a little better today
Love Joy
The girls are 1 on the 2nd April. I feel a bit better today. I went to see my mum and had a good whinge. Been feeling anxious all day though and had to go the back route to mums. xxx
:hugs: you will get there kaz, but maybe lighten up on yourself and give yourself more time? it doesnt matter that you went the back route - all that matters is you went:yesyes: take care, keep in touch, emma:flowers:
Hi Kaz,
You are a truly amazing woman!!
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You have had so much to cope with in life as well as being a mother to twins.
It is easy to see how things could get you down.
It can be incredibly frustrating when we think that things are always going to be this way or we can't see light at the end of the tunnel.
I am convinced that you will come through this.
Keep believing in yourself.
Best wishes,
Chalky
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