View Full Version : Falling apart and dont know what to do
I am having a really bad time at the moment with my panic attacks. I have just had the worse panic attack at work. I was eating my lunch and looking at the OK magazine when it started. I went really dizzy and my heart was racing. I noticed that I wasnt breathing properly but found it so hard to start breathing. Everything around me looked surreal and I felt like I was just going to die on the spot.
I went to the toilets to try and calm myself down - but the more I tried to calm myself, the worse and worse I felt. I went outside for some fresh air to see if that would help, but my thoughts were just spiralling out of control. "Am I dying", etc etc.
I just wanted to get my things and get home as soon as possible. Nobody at work noticed anything wrong with me, which I am so grateful for as I think that would have made me worse.
This lasted for about 40 minutes until I felt more in control of how I was feeling.
I now feel such a failure. I should be proud of myself for not leaving the office and rushing off home, but I just feel really depressed and angry with myself for letting it get as bad as it did. This has been my worse one for a very long time as I am usually able to control it.
I am now dreading being in work in case it happens there again. I wasnt stressed or anxious at the time and cannot think how it started etc.
My 'death/dying' thoughts have been really bad for the last couple of weeks and I feel like I am falling apart. I really dont know what to do anymore. I have tried medications, which dont work. I have tried CBT which is great when it works, but when you are in the middle of a panic attack just does nothing for me as I cannot breathe properly and my thoughts just spiral out of control.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I am sick of wasting my life on this and hiding myself away from the world. It is not fair on my kids, my family and on me.
Sorry for ranting on - but just dont know where to turn to now.
Hi
I feel very similarly to you, about wasting my life etc etc, but it's probably best not to concentrate on that because then you'll just start making yourself feel down, and then it'll be harder to overcome the problem.
With regards to not wanting to go into work now because you're worried you might have another panic attack, you need to tell yourself that you had one of the worst ones you've had in a while today, and what happened!? Nothing. You didn't rush off home, you were able to control it enough so that the whole office didn't notice. Yes, that's right. You controlled it. You didn't run around like a headless chicken like some of us think we will, and so what makes you worry about next time?
I know, easier said than done, but it is important to concentrate on the fact that you coped so well with today's! :)
I hope I have made sense, and I know it's easy to say and harder to do, but you did do really well today (when i've had panics at work i've had to call one of my friends to help me, and then they've had to take me home because I would have been useless for the rest of the day!)
Take care
xxx
hi Ann
Well done, I know you're feeling down about this but you stayed with it. That is such a massive achievement. That's such a hard thing to do. And you must have hidden it too as no one noticed. I think thats great.
I have nightmare times at work and I really know how hard it is not to run. I know it took 40 mins to go away but it did go, and you didn't die, you survived. I get these feelings often at work. You probably went dizzy coz you needed to eat, I find I'm much calmer if I eat a little and often. I'm not diabetic but if I don't keep my in take up I go all weird.
I know you feel you shouldn't have let things get that bad but mabye coz you've been so good for so long it showed this bad blip up. Nothing seem to work for me either in panic so I just do what you did and try and ride it out. Surviving it is great, but returning to work the next day can be like standing at the bottom of mount Everest knowing you've got to get to the top. You are not on your own, believe me. You've just got to keep plugging on, which is tiring, but the only way. And treat yourself for surviving something that a while ago may have sent you running for the door. I think you've done really really fantastic.
bottleblond
01-04-08, 16:49
Hi Ann,
Ok, You said you have been having alot of Death/Dying thoughts over the past couple of weeks so your anxiety levels must be pretty high. I think this will be the cause of your panic attack. They sometimes do come on out of the blue like this and yeah, they are terrifying but by god gal, you did AMAZING!! You said this was the worst one ever, yet you controlled it. So please please please, pat yourself on the back and remind yourself that they can NOT and will NOT harm you!
Well done Ann :flowers:
Love Lisa
xxxxxxx
Hi Ann,
You are doing really,really well.
You have described perfectly how you have been feeling,what that led to and how you coped with the panic which resulted.
We have to train both our bodies and minds new ways of thinking and responding.After having suffered in silence for so many years,we become incredibly impatient for change and this heightens the stress.
It took me 12 years of anxiety and panic to get here-how can I expect it to go overnight.I don't believe it will take me 12 years from now to really improve but I have to be realistic,too.
My AA pals taught me a great saying:"Stinking thinking gets you drinking."
My "stinking anxiety thinking" leads me to panic and anxiety.
Try to think of your thinking in those terms-it stinks,it sucks and it must be challenged.Whether through diversion,therapy,doing the dishes,etc..you can fight this.
Keep believing in you!!
Best wishes,
Chalky
Hi Panic 1971
I went through the very same as you at work a few weeks ago.
I was sitting doing my work and it came out of no where.
I did the worse thing and jumped up. This made the panic worse. I work in a health centre so i went into my nurse and told her i was having a panic attack.
It took at least half hour to calm me down, i was so very frightened.
I had 5 days off of work, i was to upset to go back.
Im now back at work but i cant get it out of my mind wot has happened and it makes me feel on edge all the time i am here.
I hope u are feeling better
love mandie x
:yesyes: hi ann, i know you feel as though you stopped the panic from getting worse? but the truth is they only get so bad and then go on their own little way anyway- this is the hardest thing to accept - they dont need controlling they jus tneed to be ignored. what makes them last is the mental symptoms of anxiety and panic - actually the hysterical fear feeling - i know youve said youve done cbt and it works at the time - well to be at work you are prob doing cbt all the time but dont realise it? the only thing you hav eto remember when panicking is that the actual feeling of impending DOOM and the hysterical feeling to escape/stop whats happening is part of the panic it isnt something seperate - this really is the worse panic can do - there isno more! ive suffered on/off for 22 years and they only get that bad, they dont ge tany worse! also you CANNOT die from a panic attack no matter wha tyou may have read!!!! its a rush of adrenaline and means youve got a good fight/flight system. the prob is its the anx with the fight/flight response that causes the prob - if you had a real emergency that energy would be great you would survive - but ther is no emergency so you sat with this yukky, scary, horrid, horrid feeling - once your brain realises there is NO emergency, its a faulty signal triggered by your scared thoughts (of dying) it settles down and returns to normal:yesyes: except because it wasn t aproper emergency you are now left with an emotioanl situation - hence why you felt youd let yourself down ,why you are exhausted and why you feel depressed:weep: :lac: :mad:
there is not a person on this planet who wouldnt feel the same going through the constant drip drip of fear/fight, flight - IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!!!
all you have to do is keep replacing all of those anxious, scared, irrational thoughts with more positive balanced ones - you will not remain like this forever, you are doing brilliantly well coping and feeling like this! best wishes, emma:flowers: :hugs:
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.
I find it so hard to accept that these horrible symptoms and thoughts are down to anxiety/panic though. I have had this for well over 7 years now, so I should be able to accept it by now (or so you would think). Everytime I get any symptom I go on red alert and think the worse (ie this could mean I am dying). I cannot stop these thoughts and so the feelings just get worse and worse.
Any advice on how you just accept???
:) hi ann, well it is really hard to just accept - but wha tis the alternative? feeling like this forever - sometimes it does come down to 'choice' as harsh as that sounds! you do KNOW like you said tha tyou will not die from the symptoms, bu tyou continue to scare yourself anyway? if you were going to die you would have done by now - so you need to stop saying you are going to die! for me the only way to tackle it is to motivate myself constantly that life with this is crap so i have to work at challenging it - you accept that you are wrong and that panic cannot kill you, but then you have to actively work at challenging what you are saying to yourself, which is really tiring in itself but reaps rewards - you start to gain perspective on the situation, and you start to take more chances, you lower your guard and so you lower your adrenaline/stress levels. in the long term it cant be good for you either spiritually or physically - so maybe look at it like you could be l;owering your life span anyway - shocking i know because this is what we fear, but paradoxically it actually motivates me anyway to stop frighteneing myself! dont know if this helps? emma
Ann i am new to this site, 4 weeks ago all i thought of was dying, not the actual death or leading upto it, but the actual funeral, being alive when they put me in the cremation etc etc, its been a horrible time, i know how it is hun, and its 4 weeks on, i have been having anxiety attacks, and feel so useless, but if i can help you in anyway, then add me or email me and i will be there for a chat anytime you need one...
Not sure how to give you my email address, i think its on my profile, but if i can maybe help i will try...
HelenS
I wonder Ann if it just means we feel we have gone so far in work or friendships and want something more....
Well here is the place to make new friends...and here is also a place where others will understand...
HelenS
Ps, for the past 2 nights the chatroom has been a great help, and they are so friendly, and its been such a relief to have someone to have a chitchat with even if its only about food! x
Hi Ann, how you feeling today?
I am still feeling scared. I am in the middle of one now - and just feel so bad. The thoughts are racing around in my head. I am finding it so hard to accept that this is panic - I am sure there is something seriously wrong with me.
Thanks for asking though Helen.
I am a bit bewildered by them at the moment. I am constantly scanning myself to see how I am feeling etc, and am on the lookout for anything not 'normal'. Then bam!!! The scary bit is the fact I can be doing something I really enjoy and then they start again. My breathing is all over the place too.
Liverbird67
03-04-08, 17:33
This anxiety is devastating isn't it, I felt at my worst about six weeks ago, unfortunately, I did run and have been off work ever since, I really feel for everyone going through this, its bizarre isn't it how we are all preoccupied with dying and illnesses etc etc. I sometimes wish I was scared of something that I could rationalise ie spiders or something butI am not scared of anything that people are usually uncomfortable with ie blood, accidents etc, I think eventually the anxiety burns itself out for a while when you reduce your stress levels, (easier said than done!) I also think when we are excessively tired or hungry the anxiety levels can soar, sometimes I think it is a subconcious thing ie we don't feel particularly stressed or tired etc, I think it is your bodies way of saying Hey slow down things are getting a bit much in here
I wish I knew the answers but it does subside I am a lot better than I was weeks ago, but still having the odd episode.
Love to all
Liverbird
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
:) hi ann, okay youve mentioned that your breathing is all over the place at the mo? so most of the uncomfortable symptoms that result in a panic attack are caused by HYPERVENTILATING!!!!!! studies have found that ppl who rapid breathe from their upper lungs only are prone to being anxious - they have a more trigger happy nervous system!!!! put alot of effort ann into deep breathing ALL of the time and i guarantee you your anx will subside over a matter of weeks, it takes weeks because you have to do it very conciously at forst and also you should be setting aside time to do it - but i felt that bad tha ti had to start doing it constantly - now in an anxiety provoking situation i can start to deep breathe and the sypmptoms reduce not increase.
also, ann the fact that you are scanning and watching and waiting is another sure fire way to keep yourself in the catch 22 situation of panic/fear/panic:weep:
i know it is sooooo hard to do and in fact it took me months - but eventually you have to give up the scanning because you are keeping yourself on 24 hour sentry duty, which is secreting more and more adrenaline/cortisol etc into your system. you are having panic attacks ann they make you feel like your dying - they make everyone feel the same ann - mine at their worst have the quality i think you mentioned - FROZEN - it scares the pants off me because i 'worry' (this is wha tkeeps it all in place!) that i will be stuck like that forever!!! where in fact it lasts only seconds - but its enough to send me into a cycle tha tcan last months - another thing is that i find these cycles can only occur in a time in my life when ive had a protracted period of intense stress? does this by any chance relate to you?
hope some of this helps? take care, emma:flowers:
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