Terrified of un-diagonsed Cancer

[williamsemciw]

Ungh...

Well, greetings everyone, should be my first thing. I don't want to be rude right now, of all times. I don't like joining a form JUST to post about a problem, but yours seemed really inviting...

Anyway, Recently, I've been having some of the WORST Anxity ever. I mean, this is truely of epic perportions. It's all resulting from Cancer.

Now, I don't know if I have cancer. I was not diagonsed with it. And to be honest, most phisicans I talk to more or less laugh at me (I'm exaggerating, they've all been very respectful, but the point here is they don't think it's true) for thinking this, but I just have so many symtoms! a month ago I took a test to see if they could find it, and it came back negative (Thank god) but this has not alivated my worry at all.

Now, I'm so convinced I have this cancer (Of the esophgus, if it matters. One of the most deadly forms) I'm flung between bouts of making my peace with the world before I pass out of it (Which is driving many of my friends and family insane) and mad panic attacks that last hours of me searching desprately through the internet for things to obsess about. I haven't gotten a good non-drug indused sleep in days, and I've lightheaded too.

I know there's nothing anyone can do, while I'm waiting for more tests to be done, but I'm so desprate, It's hard to even get up shower in the morning. Hence posting here.

Well, sorry for that rant. And the mispellings, I'm afraid I've never been very good at it, stoopid public school system. I'll go now...

[chalky]

Hi William,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Posting here about your health anxiety is a great idea,NOT something you should feel bad about.
We tend to have great difficulty in putting our faith in health care professionals-we are very,very sceptical of them.
Your doctors seem to be providing you with proper testing for cancer and the results are that they are satisfied you do not have cancer...but you say you have symptoms.
Could the symptoms be the result of your health anxiety?
It is so easy to focus on a self-diagnosis and be consumed by it-I certainly did.
We also tend to have very low self-esteem and this leaves us susceptible to great periods of self-doubt.
Our minds becomes trapped in a cycle of Worry producing Symptoms leading to Panic.After a Panic,our minds move to worry about the next attack and so it continues.
On a more positive note,you have a genuine health concern.You have responded to it by having this thoroughly investigated.
Well done!!
You could actively challenge your thinking on this by focusing on the positive action you have taken.Reassure yourself that you are doing everything possible to investigate this.
Learn about distracting yourself when health anxiety strikes-do something different-music,activity,reading,exercise.Anything to prevent your mind following the same well-worn path to health anxiety.
You will get through this.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[mirry]

ooo im sorry your feeling like this , all you can do is try living in the present moment and try not letting your thoughts carry you away ( i know its bloody hard to do ), but if they thought you had that surely they would get u in straight away ,,,im sure you wil be fine.
take care

[williamsemciw]

Thank you for the invintation.

Yes, it's defiently possible some of my symptoms are stress related, but not all. I am seeing a doctor still. But Nobody thinks it's cacner. Cancer of the esophogus is rare, and seen in people who are 40 or over. I'm nineteen. In adittion to that, they believe the barrium swollow would have shown it anyway. It's still hard.


As for living in the moment, that's is what I've been trying to doing. Convincing myself I'm fine dosen't work, since I just spiral back eventualy. And making peace with my death just seems an amazingly silly idea. I just keep getting these attacks, and it makes me look up things, and then suddenly I'm terrified again...

[Pudding]

Oh bless you! You're far too young to be worrying about things like this. I would say if you have had a barium xray for this then you definitely have nothing at all to worry about. I had that done when I had tummy troubles several years ago and I was convinced I had stomach cancer (but I am now 55 and had been a smoker for 30 years). It was all clear and when I got the results all the symptoms went. If you could accept that the doctors have missed nothing then I'm sure your symptoms would go too. Please try and believe them, they would not let something like that slip through the net at your tender age. Try not to look any more symptoms up and ask your new friends here instead, or obviously your doctor if you're very worried.

[williamsemciw]

I know... That is pretty much what every doctor I have been to has told me. I'm far too young, the Barrium Swollow would have showed it, ect.

Thank you for the suport. I'm still worried, but you have helped me calm down a little. I really just need to stop looking up these things on the internet, it's SO bad for my state of mind it's amazing.

[panicagain]

I'm So Sorry your feeling this way at such a young age but i can totally relate, my health anxiety started when i was about 16, maybe 15 but anyhow i know its really hard to tell the difference between what symptoms come from anxiety and what comes from something really wrong, i still can't tell the difference but what helps me is to come on here and look at the other symptoms and see if i have the same or near the same as others and try to tell myself that its just my anxiety making things worse but it doesn't always work but i'm still alive and i'm 36 and i've diagnosed myself with MANY cancers and ailments over the years. I know i'm probably not helping here but what i'm trying to say is I'm Sure Its Not Cancer, I'm Sure Its Anxiety. Stay on here and check out other peoples stories and try to calm down a bit. Take Care:hugs:
Oh and DON'T GOOGLE YOUR SYMPTOMS it makes things worse, really it does, i know i've done it and i left the computer with more symptoms than when i started searching.

[williamsemciw]

Thank you, again.

People keep saying that, and I know I shoulden't goggle my symptoms, but I just can't stop myself! It's... argh!

If There was anything to do here except use the computer I'd turn it off, but I finished all my books in the house and the TV descided it's time for the montly test.

[panicagain]

Thank you, again.

People keep saying that, and I know I shoulden't goggle my symptoms, but I just can't stop myself! It's... argh!

If There was anything to do here except use the computer I'd turn it off, but I finished all my books in the house and the TV descided it's time for the montly test.

Awww, i'm sorry, i know its hard not to google symptoms, i've had a hard time keeping myself from doing it. Instead of googling come on here and look for symptoms similar to yours, maybe that'd work, i know its easier said than done. Try the chat room, i've heard it helps too.:)

[williamsemciw]

I blocked Google a few moments ago. Oh, I could unblock it pretty easy, but I'm lazy, and not being able to actively search for it I'm hoping is enough to discourge me.

Also cleared my history, which means I had to find this site again without google... not fun. Well, it's bookmarked now.

Thank you for the suport, everyone.

[chalky]

Hi William,

When times are hard,we think ourselves capable of so little.
In reality our bodies have amazing abilities which allow us to cope with great physical and mental stress.
When talking about using the internet,you say you "can't stop".
Can't ,in its full form is expressed as can not.So you either can or can not do something.If you accept that surfing the net is having a terrible effect on you then you have to start changing this behaviour.So,you CAN choose NOT to do this.
I'm not suggesting that this will be easy for you but if you start the process,it will become easier.That is how we get better-by gradually changing our behaviour and learning new ways of responding to our anxiety, our fears lessen and we grow stronger.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[williamsemciw]

You are right, it is MY choice, but I have a much harder time then others might.

One thing I have been dignosed with is OCD. It's not so dilbritating I can't function, under normal cicumstances anyway. However, I've been off my medication for a while (I don't like being dependent on it)

It makes focusing on this excseedingly hard.

[Shadowwin]

Hi there William and welcome :)

I've had health anxiety since I was a kid sadly my mother was a nurse and she would always do things like "Don't do that! it could hurt, maime, kill, posion" what ever her fear of the day was heck the woman wouldnt let me eat popcorn till I was in high school for fear I was going to choke on it.. so I know how it feels to believe something is wrong day to day.. and not be able to take it out of your mind.

Not googling things are hard in fact that's how I ended up here today! I've had a bit of tummy trouble today most definately caused by a rather strong antibiotic I am on.. but even though that rational thought is in my head! I still had to google my symptoms and the side effects of all my medications just to scare myself even more!!!!

I swear I'm going to start a no google petition lol.. evil vile search engine I just can't keep away from it... and of course everything I find ultimately says I'm dying!

I've done a barium CT of my throat,stomach, ect before back about 8 years ago and honestly those things are pretty darned percise so if everything is coming back right as rain I'm sure things are just that :)

I just went through my own cancer scare... in fact I'm changing primary doctors over the way mine's office handled the situation and behaved. The doctor couldn't even call me to tell me they saw a shadow in a lung xray I had done he sent one of his nursing assistants to do it! I haven't even gotten to see the xray..

Well today, the day before my lung CT the doc's office calls to tell me they have canceled the CT and are ordering a follow-up chest xray instead seems they feel I don't need the CT after all.... all I can say to that is morons....

But really I hope you get to feeling better this place helps out alot!!! even if you just come to read which I do alot :)

Take Care!
Brightest Blessings
~Trina

[precious78]

William you haven't said what symptoms you have to believe it is actually cancer? Maybe we can make you feel better?

[ams]

Instead of googling come on here and look for symptoms similar to yours

This is great advice, and I also highly, highly recommend it. I try to do this, and while it doesn't mean I'm anxiety free, it certainly helps. Googling can result in some comfort and resolution, for sure, but, more often, it results in simply feeding into the preoccupation (at best) or panic (at worst). A big part of getting past this stuff is not thinking about it, so self-checking, research, etc. won't help. In fact, when I'm entirely free of anxiety, I steer clear of this forum as a precaution. That said, it's a great place and has been of great help to me in times of worry.

[williamsemciw]

Hello all.

I'm actually a bit ashamed I stopped posting here... I had meant to help people the way you helped me when I was majorly panicking, but eventually I left. I'm also sad to stay I wish I didn't have a reason to remember this great place.

For a little update, I got tested out. Everything looked fine, all the trouble areas I talked about were okay, and although I Was not given a CLEAN bill of health (They were a bit worried about my liver) It did not seem to be anything as deadly as cancer.

However, a few weeks ago, I the fear crept up on me again and I saw a doctor again. Although I trust my tests, I have discovered there is another, fairly dire possibility. I'm a bit hesitant to write it out (For fear of making it feel more real?) but it is real possibility, and my doctors are going to be checking it out in the next few months.

Before, I was convinced I had cancer, to the point I was thinking about writing goodbyes to loved ones. After THAT, I am keeping this a bit more... to myself, at least to loved ones. After all, it could just be as false a scare as the many before it. Still, it has seized my heart as surely as it did last time, and I am panicing enough to return here. Again, I wish it would have been for better reasons.

I've blocked google again, for obvious reasons. Although this cancer actualy has a much better chance of survival, I do worry enough that it dosen't really make me feel better.

Again, Good to be here again, wish I was here for a better reason.

[williamsemciw]

Heh.

I'm so worried, I completely forgot about the date, even though I was just celebrating it a few moments ago.

Kinda funny, in a sad and slightly morbid way.

[LeeBee]

Hey williams, whatever it is that you are being tested for, at the moment it is a possibility, not definite. When do you get your test results? Good luck and a happy new year to you :).

[williamsemciw]

I'm just making the appointment tomorrow. I just saw the doctor yesterday, and my insurance requires a day or two to get everything rolling. I will try to hurry it up, but I am probably not getting any answers too quickly.

Cancer really isin't so quick that a few weeks will matter.

Although that dosen't help the worry, does it?

[LeeBee]

It's horrible not knowing. The only thing I would say is that if your doctor felt that your potential condition was immediately life-threatening then he/she wouldn't hang around - you'd be in hospital now. Let us know how you get on.