Looking for light at the end of the tunnel.???

[hazey-babe]

Hi, I am hoping that someone will tell me that their generalised anxiety has been sorted. Also how they did it. I have had panic attacks and GAD for about 11 years. It is sometimes much worse than others. I haven't had a panic for about 6 weeks but feel v anxious all the time. This could be the fact that my marriage is on the point of breaking up as my Hubby doesn't feel he can cope with it any longer as it gets in the way of our life and our childrens. I am very much aware of this but the more I try not to panic the worse it gets! I want to tell him that it will go away but I don't know if it ever will or if I was just born a bit more of a worrier!!!! I really don't know what to do. Any story of hope would brighten me up. Thanks Hazel xox
:flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

[sheba2]

Oh Hazel that is so sad. I really hope that you can sort out the problems with your husband. I too have had panic and anxiety for more years than I care to remember. It is not there all the time but when it is bad it takes over and I can understand how it must be so difficult for our families.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, this time round I have not had medication (although if you need/want it then do what is right for you) but I have had some really good counselling. Try reading some of Bills posts on here he talks so much sense. Maybe your husband could have a read of how others are dealing with the problems. I found such a lot of help and support on here it has made me more realistic about what is wrong and given me huge hope for the future. Have you and your husband thought about seeing any counsellors together.

I really wish you well and hope that things brighten up for you.

[sheba2]

Oh yeah try reading some of the success stories they might inspire you too.
xxx

[Bill]

Hello Hazel:hugs: ,

Firstly as Sheba says, it is Very Sad to hear how you're suffering.:hugs:

It doesn't help either when our partner issues threats rather than attempts to understand and be supportive because this attitude just increases our anxieties by giving us more to worry about and making us feel even more insecure.

However, it could simply be frustration talking because he doesn't understand what anxiety is and how it works. Is he the sort of man that will sit and listen if you or a professional explain what anxiety is? As Sheba says, seeing a counsellor, the doctor or a mental health professional together might help him to understand and show him how to support you.

I don't know what your husbands personality is like but sometimes an anxiety sufferer can end up in a relationship where the love and support they need doesn't exist. Also we can be controlled through our fears by our partners for their benefit because they don't want things to change.

However, in your case it sounds as though you've been with your husband a long time and he says he can't cope with your anxieties anymore which suggests to me that he is just frustrated and feeling helpless. It could well be that he simply feels he doesn't know how to help you anymore.

Only you will know what your relationship is really like.

I care for my wife who suffers from schizophrenia and she's had the illness since before I met her so you could say I have had an unsupportive relationship. I've also suffered from anxiety long before I met her and my anxieties became much worse due to work and her illness.

However, by making changes to my lifestyle and in my approach to my anxious thoughts, I have learned to cope so that anxiety no longer controls my life. On the whole, I now control my anxiety and without medication or support from any professionals.

I have suffered different types of anxiety including panic together with self harming and taking overdoses but I'm still here and I cope much better than I ever used to.

All I'm trying to say is that there is Always Hope and often we just need to find the right keys to unlock our fears.

I don't know enough about your history but something somewhere along the line or a combination of pressures must have created your present day anxieties. Ask yourself what really frightens you, when and why it started, and then it's possible to work out how to overcome it.
Hope that at least gives you some hope.:hugs:

[hazey-babe]

Thanks Sheba and Bill for your thoughts.

I am just struggling a bit at the mo but hope that things will get better, although don't know if that will be with hubby.

He knew I had a panic disorder before we got together, and I thought he was dealing with it the best he could, but it seems he was getting frustrated and wasn't telling me. Typical him burying his head in the sand. Although I think he was trying to protect me from what he was thinking.

He doesn't understand it although I have had him to Doctors and Psychologists with me to let him see what it is all about. He would like me just to switch it off !!! If only.

We are going to Relate on Monday so hopefully this might help some more but ??????????? Don't want to break up as we have 2 lovely kids and it would be traumatic 4 them. Especially the oldest as he has ADHD and gets stressed v easily.

Ho hum as Granny says It will all come out in the wash. Bye Hazel x:hugs:

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: hi hazel, like the others have said im also very sorry to hear that your husband is having probs accepting your situation (both your situation as he knew how you were when you got together)

i dont want to seem mean but you may actaully in the long ruun feel better alone? ive had loads of trouble wiht my hub over the years but i hav eno way of going it alone - but really i dont need to anyway - he has and does sometimes make demands, but they are only normal ones really - hes not lookin gto travel around the world!! so im not taking it lightly about you and him parting - it would be painful and hard - bu tmaybe for the best? if he is making you worse with his frustration? and you never know he may see that the grass isnt greener and come back? and you may feel a whole lot better and not wan tto go back to that relationship?

im sureit must be actually making you anxious, so maybe youd be less anxious alone - it can be done - there are people on here who are alone and they have come through:yesyes: take care, emma:flowers:

[Tom_M]

It's a question of calming the mind as well as the body. Meditation is perfect for this, especially mindfulness meditation.

http://www.anxiety2calm.com/Meditation-for-anxiety-panic.html

[Bill]

Hello Hazel:hugs: ,

I wish you well at Relate. It's a good move. Your husband needs to open up and say exactly how he is feeling about everything. Burying his head in the sand hoping things will simply right themselves does no good whatsover for either of you.

He should be supporting you, comforting you when you are in need and being there for you to talk to etc.

One positive note though is that he is willing to go to Relate and give it a go which I feel shows deep down that he doesn't want to break up so maybe not all hope is lost.

By the sound of it, you've been together for a number of years so he must feel something towards you which is important. If there is no love or trust in a relationship then it can no longer work. Hopefully Relate will help him to "open up" his feelings so you'll get an insight into how he's really feeling and what he's really thinking.

Going to Relate doesn't mean things are over. They can also help to bring a relationship closer together again so don't lose hope.

I have been married to my wife coming up to 18 years. For the entire time I've known her she's suffered from schizophrenia. I can't say I've stayed so long out of love because after all the harm her illness has caused me I can't feel love for her but I do care. I don't mean to trivialise but I'd find living with an anxiety sufferer easy compared to her illness because an anxiety sufferer is emotionally aware, tactile and has empathy but on the other hand, there are people in far worse relationships than me. What I'm trying to say is, an unhappy relationship is "relative" and so are the pressures that people can take.
The important thing is how much someone loves or cares about their partner and how much they feel they want to keep them or stay to support them.

Relate will hopefully remind him just how lucky he really is to have someone like you.:hugs:

[hazey-babe]

:yesyes: Thanks to everyone for posting their advice to me.. I really appreciate it. Bill you are an inspiration.
Thanks again Hazel xox:hugs: