It's weird..

[halfwayhome]

My OCD used to be very.. orderly. Five was m number, and I would have to do things five times. Only certain things though. It was a pain, but it didn't control me.

Five is no longer my number. It slowly became six, and now there is no number just "when it feels right". However, this is horribly embarassing especially because some of the things that I have to do force me to, for example, leave my apartment and go into certain rooms a million times until it "feels right". Then, often, I will have to come back up and then go down and do it again - again until it feels right.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Could it be because I am in a situation where my fiance is away overseas? I miss him a lot, but it doesn't FEEL like it's the end of the world.. but since he left, my OCD has been like this. I guess it wouldn't be a coincidence, right? Oy vey! ;)

He comes back tomorrow.. I wonder if things will get any better.. :/

I hate that I feel like by not doing my rituals, there will be a specific consequence (my fiance leaving me.). It forces me to do these things even when I know it's silly, because the thought of him leaving me, obviously, is terrible. Our relationship is perfectly fine as he tells me all the time. He is very patient with all of my anxiety issues too, although I know sometimes he gets frustrated. Anyway. Now I'm going off topic - can anyone relate to this? Does anyone think it's because he went away? Does anyone think it might get better once he's back? *wishful thinking!* LOL!

[Bunty]

When I get thoughts like this I do the opposite.
The more stressed I am the more I get the thoughts but I still do the opposite.
It probably will get better once he's back. It sounds like you get yourself in a bit of a state about him leaving you. You need to get more confidence in your relationship but I'm in no position to advise you how to do this.

Definately see your doctor.
Buntyx

[Bill]

The more important something is to us, the more we fear losing it, the worse our anxiety is.

When he is away, you feel you have no control and control is something anxiety makes us feel we must have to feel "safe".

We perform OCD rituals to counteract worrying thoughts and so ease our anxious feelings to make us feel in control in keeping us and those we love "safe".

When he's around, you feel more secure because you feel more in control of your relationship.

In a way your OCD is a compliment to him because it shows how much you love him because you're so afraid of losing him.

I'm sure with him around again your anxiety will ease somewhat but as soon as he's not around, your OCD will become more of a problem again until you step out of your safety zone and take a "risk" by resisting a compulsion. Once you overcome one ritual and so prove to yourself that nothing really does happen because they're only "worrying thoughts", other rituals also become easier to resist. In time, the compulsions will ease completely because you become less intense and more relaxed.

I think also the longer you are in a relationship, the less you worry so much because in a loving relationship the close bond creates security.:hugs:

[halfwayhome]

I don't know.. see, he's back now and.. it's not much better. :/ Maybe it will take a few days?