Feeling for lumps, swellings----driving myself crazy!!!

[jellybean43]

Hi
As some of you may know i found a swelling on my neck last October. I went to my GP and he said he couldnt feel anything BUT to put my mind at rest he sent me for an chest/neck X ray and did blood tests.They all came back fine!!It is still there--no smaller, no bigger!
Also i went to another GP(yeah i know!!!) and he too said that he couldnt feel any raised glands or anything.
Right, so fast forward a few months and i am still feeling daily for lumps and bumps. I feel my neck, under my arms, groin, stomach, breasts----you name it and this is on an hourly basis if i am at home all day. Obviously if i am out i dont do it as much but if i went off to the toilet i then have a quick poke about!!
It really is driving me crazy and my OH crazy. My OH says if i continue to poke and prod i will make the glands raise up and i will find something!!I then feel his neck to check if it is the same and obvioously it isnt as i know no two people are the same so then i start to panic!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE can someone give me some advice as how to stop this???
I am wondering whether to go back to the GP and tell him how anxious i have become but i really did want to try and get over this myself.
I suffered anxiety(post natal) some 22 years ago---at one point i couldnt go out of the house!!!It was awful and it took me about 7 years to feel back to normal again. I really cant bear to have this again for that length of time!!!
It was general anxiety then---going in supermarkets, eating out with friends----this time it is my health!!
xxx

[bottleblond]

Hiya Hun,

I wish i had the answer, i really do!! i have a skin condition that means i usualy wake up in the morning with a bit of a rash but it fades away quite quickly...but i assosiated rash with alleric reactions and allergic reactions to my throat closing over-tongue swelling up. I'm Like you, constantly bleedin checking. I'm at the mirror loads rolling my tongue to make sure it's still normal and looking down the bakc of my throat to make sure it's as it should be.

Sorry i ain't got any advice hun but i just wanted to let you know that your not on your own.

Take care

Love Lisa
xxxxx :flowers:

[anxious]

Hi Jellybean,

you are definately not alone:hugs: I have done the same as you for years and it really makes you miserable. I did CBT this year and although i am by no way 'cured' i have to say i am lots better. You really have to stop checking, fight that urge and distract yourself. It is a vicious circle that fuels your anxiety (and when you are prodding & poking when anxious you feel things that arn't there). I was allowed to check every other day then every two days etc and realised my anxiety was better on the days i didn't check after a while.
Good luck hun

anx xx

[Emira7]

Hey Jellybean

I have checked myself some days numerous times. Once when I thought I had a dodgy mole, turned out to be a spot by the way. I must have checked myself about a 100 times trying to manouevre a mirror around my back whilst looking in another mirror to see what it was! Doh!

I also check my legs for swellings marks etc... And my mouth to.

I try not to though as i imagine different things in my head.

Oh to be a Health Anxiety sufferer hey! I know how your feeling
xx

[jellybean43]

Thanks everyone for the great replies---and thanks lisa for PM ing me---it has been a huge help!!!

ANXIOUS----I am definately going to give it a go at not "feeling" my lumps and bumps for a day.
Can you give me some tips?How did you get to a therapist? I would love to see one!! I know that everytime i feel i do find something new to worry about(well maybe not every time as i am feeling about 30 times a bleeding day!!!!!).
xx

[minihaha]

jellybean, i can relate completely - not a day goes by that i am not prodding and poking and finding new lumps or bumps to worry about. I also do the comparison with my dh - as in "let me feel your neck to see if you have this" or another thing i do is say check my left armpit for lumps and then if i find one i automatically check the right armpit expecting it to be the same and if its not the same i panic..........

i do think to be fair, we are growing up in an era where we are encouraged to be more aware of our bodies and any changes should be reported to our gp.

I am trying to limit myself to inspecting my body, say once a month and reasoning that any changes in the interim may be hormonal etc.

[anxious]

Hi Jellybean,

how are you getting on? Best way to see a CBT therapist is to ask your gp, but be warned waiting lists can be long - i waited 18months. There is lots to CBT, but it is all really based on not checking and finding other ways to cope with your anxiety. I find when i am stressed i always go off 'checking' - so finding ways to relax helps. I had to do diary sheets, write my fears down & and come up with alternative positive thoughts. I had to do more of what i as avoiding -bathing(too tempting to check),read magazine articles & watch health related programmes(always scared me & set me off) BUT do less of what i was doing i.e checking & seeking reassurance (ie asking hubby etc).
It does work but you need to be taught, i had about 12 sessions with my therapist,
good luck
anx xx

[jellybean43]

Thanks again everyone!
ANXIOUS I am making a huge effort today not to feel----and crikey it is hard work cos normally i would be sat here on the computer and hey presto i start feeling and feeling and feeling..............
I too avoid baths(just have a quick shower), dont watch any health related programmes(even Eastenders freaked me out the other day as she was going to get her results!!) and i dont buy our local paper anymore after i read a very sad story about a young lady with lymphoma.
I can honestly say up until last year, yes i did worry about my health, but i never ever avoided these things. I loved lying in the bath for hours, reading papers and watching everything and anything on telly. This has sooooo messed up my life(hopefully only temporarily after finding this wonderful site)----but i am determined to fight it!!
I would love to ask my GP but i am scared(hope this makes sense) that he checks me over again and says he has found something this time. I sound totally mad dont I???? Other people dont give things a second thought but my mind works overtime all the time!!!
I had really bad anxiety after my son was born 22 years ago and i am sure the fact i had 2 babies, a selfish ex husband who worked away and no help(I was only a kid of 22!!!!) triggered it all off.It took me 7 years to feel ok again but it was a long hard struggle.I had panic attacks, agrophobia and social phobia.
This time, i can really say a long drawn out house move last year(this started 3 weeks after moving) has probably triggered it off.I dont have the panic attacks, agrophobia and social phobia but it is all health related. I wont go in to all the details about the house sale but suffice to say everything that could go wrong did and we lost ££££££s. We have a great house now but we had to move out of my home town to get it!!!!.I feel the HA has robbed me of appreciating this new house and all the nice things that go with it(again hope it makes sense).
Anyhow, thanks for your help and i am going to try and put some of your advice in to practice.
How are you these days ANXIOUS???? are you cured?????
xxx

[anxious]

Hi Jellybean,
hope your non checking went well, if you've even done it less than usual then thats great. If not then as they say, never give up giving up :winks: and DON'T beat yourself up about it. Accept how you are, thats helped me - i have health anxiety, its part of me and although i don't always like it i'm learning to cope with it. Am i cured?? No, but i'm doing OK :) . My thing is that as my 'stress pot' levels start to fall (a CBT thing) and then someone out there thinks hey ups and tops it up:scared15: . So its a contant battle to stay level. My daughter has a huge op coming up next month (got my head round that, after its been cancelled once) and now someone has decided that my son can't have a fulltime place at the local school where he's at nursery :weep:
Anyway let me know how you are doing,
:hugs:
anx xx

[jellybean43]

Hi again ANXIOUS
Can I ask did you think you could feel swelling on neck? Was that one of your symptoms?
Well today i am setting myself a task---starting at 11 til 3 I WILL NOT CHECK MYSELF FOR ANYTHING----it is going to be hard but i am determined to do it!!
I have started with a cold today---this is another thing with me if anyone has a cold i avoid any sort of contact like the plague. My dad has had one and i was with him on Sat so i think i have caught it off him. I then worry that my glands are up(as they are with a cold) but hey thats life and i cant wrap myself up and never go out again!!!!
Hope you are ok and thanks for the positive help.
I am thinking i may go back to my GP and tell him i believe i have health anxiety. Cos we moved we are now at a different practice and i have found it hard swapping doctors and trusting them!!!!Probs another factor in my health anxiety.
What do you think???
x

[jellybean43]

ANXIOUS----sorry to hear about your daughters op---I am sure everything will be fine but that is a big worry for you!!!
Take care xxx

[anxious]

Hi Jelly,

i understand the gp thing. I have found one i really get on with but panic she may leave or something, if i haven't been for a while i ask around to try to check she's still there:blush: I would go see them though, you might get a pleasant surprise. I tend to tell a doctor what i'm worrying about rather than beating about the bush. Like "you know i get over anxious about health, i'm worried its xyzxyz - what do you think" I think it helps them reassure you better rather than going for unnecessary tests. Do ask about CBT.
I actually very rarely go to the doctors, just spend time stressing at home instead:huh:

Glands has always been a big thing with me (&worrying about rest of families glands). About the only time i don't worry about them is when i have a cold because i know they should be up. One of my kids had glandular fever recently, you've never seen anything like it - i could see them (whole of her neck was swollen) never mind feel them.
My hubbys got a gland up permantly in his neck and every so often i get the urge to 'check' it - he gets well pi**ed off with me.
Good luck
:hugs:
anx xx

[jellybean43]

ANXIOUS---thanks again for your help---I am feeling loads more positive(and thanks to everyone else including LISA!!).
I am definately going to go to the doctors BUT and this is a big but do you think i should wait til i have had my hols??I know that is a crazy question but in my mind i think well if they find something i will at least have had my hol!!!Crikey i do sound totally mad dont i???????
I cannot convince myself that i have HAD THE BLOOD TESTS and also AN XRAY of neck and chest and all was ok!!I keep thinking if i go back he will send me for further blood tests(others were done just before Xmas) and another X ray.
Why the heck am i thinking this all the time???
Did your glands go down??Mine is exactly the same as it was when i first felt it last October---I went to the GP about 6 weeks after first feeling it!!!!
Whereabouts is OH gland up??Mine is above my right clavicle and when i googled that way back in October last year the dreaded C word was written all over.
I must admit though, i havent googled for weeks and weeks and my GP told me to throw away the computer LOL LOL!!!!!!
xxx

[bottleblond]

Hi Jelly hun!!

If you really want to go to the docs then i would suggest that you go BEFORE you go on holiday. Reason being....i don't think your doc will send you for any tests. My gland is still the same as it was light years ago when i saw my gp about it. I suppose it's a bit like Boobies :winks: and feet, some of us have one side slightly bigger than the other. Anyway, like i was saying, maybe best to go before your hols hun as it will ease your mind and you won't have to spend your whole time away worrying about if's but's and maybe's!!!

Your gonna be just dandy hun!!

Loads of love

Lisa
xxxx

:bighug1:

[anxious]

Hi Jelly,

no you are not mad, just anxious. I would only go to your gp to talk about your anxiety not the concerns you have about your neck. Therefore he/she wouldn't be sending you for tests/xrays. You would just be going to talk about any help they can offer i.e CBT. So it wouldn't effect your holiday either way.
Believe me if you accept your necks fine you will only find another worry to replace it with. Its the anxiety you need to deal with. I'm old hat at this as i've had anxiety problems 25+ years.
With regards to your neck, you have had the checks and all came back clear. Its not changed at all in nearly 6months and you've no other symptoms. All looks good to me. Chances are its not a gland, sounds more like a tendon or vein etc. Its amazing what you can find when you go looking for it. If i shrugg my shoulders and feel my clavicle area a glandy thing pops up (see you've got me at it now:winks: )
Well done on not googling.
anx xx:hugs:

[jellybean43]

Thanks again both of you!!
Well I managed til 2 to not check and it felt great to not keep prodding and pressing.The doctor actually said(well haha both of them that i went to see!!) that they couldnt feel a gland but neither said what they thought it was. I have to move in certain directions to feel it ie if i move my arm right back it "pops" up and if i sit straight with my arm on my lap it has gone!!!!!
But, since i went to the doctors i have managed to convice myself that my right armpit(right next to my back ---you know where i mean!!) is more raised than the left. Not a lump but just more raised!!! My OH says it has always been the same. Plus i feel my groin and convince myself that it is swollen !!!!!!!! and so on and so on!!!!
Seriously, though i do have OCD to a certain degree too(night time checking) and also i have a very red itchy scalp that i have had for years. I didnt really click that all these were anxiety related til now so this forum has been such a help.
Over the years I have had breathlessness, a horrid itchy rash like a nettle rash that appeared daily for about a year, high blood pressue that i was on tablets for for 22 years til my GP told me i could take it at home and hey presto it was ok!!!!!!
So, as you can see the list is endless and it all ties in now!!!
Can i ask you ANXIOUS has your lump in your neck gone or have you just "forgotton" about it.How does your OH cope with his gland---does he worry or not care like my OH???
Sorry for all the questions xxx