So here goes...hi guys!

[poppet]

HI THERE!
HOW'S IT GOING?

MY NAME IS POPPET AND I'M A 25 YR OLD MESS FROM NORTH WEST LONDON.

TO CUT A LOOOHNNG STORY SHORT(ISH).......

PROMISING LOVING CHILDHOOD, EXCELLENT EDUCATION/SOCIAL LIFE ETC.:yesyes:

AGED 16 WITH PERFECT RELATIONSHIP/LIFE, I STARTED SMOKING WEED, DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL,CHEATED ON THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKING HIS HEART AND DESTROYING ALL TRUST IN ANYONE,FELL IN LOVE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND,BETRAYED MY PARENTS,AND LETS SAY I WORKED IN A SLIGHTLY UNETHICAL INDUSTRY....(NO SWEAT SHOPS INVOLVED & GOOD MONEY).:winks:

PROCCEEDED TO MUDDLE ON & THROUGH LOTS OF WORK ON MY PART, EMBARKED ON WHAT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A 6YR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BEST FRIEND. MADDLY (HA!) IN LOVE WITH HIM ALTHOUGH HE IS NO LONGER THAT MAN, WE ARE STILL TOGETHER. THE RELATIONSHIP HAS RESULTED IN ME MISSING OUT ON MANY MANY OPPERTUNITIES (PROMISING MODEL/T.V PRESENTER), PUT ME IN HUGE FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES (DEBATING BANKRUPTSY),LOST FRIENDS AND FAMILYS RESPECT/FAITH/TRUST AND LANDED ME IN HOSPITAL ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION (CURRENTLY TYRING TO TYPE WITH BROKEN HAND!)

I HAVE ZERO MOTIVATION (EVEN WHEN SOBER), NO CONFIDENCE, NO SOCIAL LIFE, NO VISIBLE PROSPECTS,GUILT,HUGE ANXIETY & DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SLEEPLESS NIGHTS SPENT SWEATING LIKE A B***H! I HAVE NO INTREST IN MY APPEARENCE ANYMORE NOR CARE ABOUT MUCH AND CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME.I CONSTANTLY WORRY AND GET PARANOID AND RECLUSIVE....I ALSO HAVE O.C.D. GREAT!

SO...MY DOCTOR HAS PRESCRIBED ME CITALOPRAM (20MG).

SHE KNOWS I SMOKE (SELF MEDICATE) BUT SAYS I'LL SOON STOP NATURALLY AND TO TAKE THE 'COURSE'.

I HAVE READ SOME HORROR STORIES REGARDING THIS DRUG AND MANY MIXED REVIEWS SO TO SPEAK!

I KNOW I NEED TALK THERAPY AND TO GET RID OF THE BOYFRIEND (SOMETHING I HAVE TRIED TO DO IN MOMENTS OF STRENGTH) AND THAT A BOX OF PILLS IS NOT GOING TO TAKE MY DEBT AWAY......

I REALLY NEED TO HEAR FROM ANYONE WHO CAN SHARE ADVICE /EXPERIENCE/INFO/AND DARE I SAY IT SUPPORT!

SORRY TO HAVE BORED YOU....IM A BIT MIXED UP AT THE MOMENT!

HOPE YOU ARE WELL AND THANKS FOR READING.
SAY HI IF YOU LIKE!
MANY THANKS.
XXPOPPETXX......ISSUES!!! :whistles:

[Lilith1980]

Hey Poppet, welcome to NMP :)

You do have such a lot going on in your life at the moment, no wonder you are feeling overwealmed by it all :hugs:

I cannot give you any advice on the meds as I havent taken any before but there are people on here who will be able to advise you.

Well done for coming on here and posting what you have, its a huge step to recovery to open up and talk about what's going on.

Maybe your next step should be counselling - if you feel this would benefit you? I know that talking therapy did a lot for me and gave me the confidence and belief in myself to do things I had previously dismissed because I didnt think I was good enough to do them.

Take care hun :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[belle]

Hi and welcome Poppet :)

x

[kellie]

hiya poppet :welcome: to nmp ita lovely to have you here :D . you will get lots of support/advice from all the great ppl here. you have had such a lot go on with you since a young age no wonder you are feeling this way at the moment. dont forget to visit the chat room where you can talk to us all.

best wishes
take care :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

kellie .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[bluebell68]

Hi .... i have taken Citalopram @20mg for some time and have stopped and started again recently... you can pm me if you have any specific questions or worries but in general i feel that it has really helped me. Its not a wonder drug and doesn't solve all our problems but for me it gives me some peace from otherwise raging anxiety and depression. it helps to clear my mind so that i can think rationally about problems and how to tackle them, which i certainly can't do when my anxiety is bad. I read loads of bad stuff about it too and it nearly put me off too but im glad it didn't... if im honest i have had some side effects in the first couple of weeks back on them but i didn't have any the first time i took them, so i can't say whether you will or not but the effects are manageable and don't last and the benefits in the long term far outweigh the initial niggles..... but this is just my experience and only you can know if it is right for you...
.... oh and don't worry.... you will never bore anyone on this site with any fears you have cos we can all totally relate...we all have our own personal demons but share a common goal of beating them....... you are not alone here and there will always be someone to listen... stay strong :hugs:

[louwilliams]

Mate.......... I thought my life was complicated :wacko:

Well, firstly, welcome to NMP-as the others have said you will find loads of help, advice and support here. You seem to be very lucid in what you say and it looks like you know whatb you have to do to your life to make it better for yourself which is the best thing-at least you admit you need to give the fella the old heave ho and sort your debts out.

your on the right track-stick with us, if you want to post about something on your mind then do so and come in the chatroom for a bit of a giggle and you can ask us anything while your there.

Keep your chin up-my attitude is kind of "well, if i feel this crap then the only way is up" and your in the right place

lou xxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Poppet

A warm :welcome: aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help.

[Nibbles]

Hi Poppit and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way.

Take care,

Mike :)

[Lindalou64]

Hello Poppit And Welcome...i Wish Ya Well........linda

[chalky]

Hi Poppet,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Joe1981]

Welcome to the site! :D

[lesleya]

welcome to nmp:welcome:

[trac67]

Hi Poppet,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends

Take care

Trac xxx

[poppet]

Wow...thanks so much everyone....!!
I'm overwhelmed by the response....It's weird, especially when noone has said ''how are you?'' for so long...!

I said I'd take my first citalopram last night...but bottled it and had 2 joints and a nightol instead....
I'm trying so so hard today not to light up as i really don't want to take the two together!
I have loads of fears and responsibilities I should/have to face today....Court replies, debt management, letters to solicitors, landlords, forms etc...but my priority is to have a joint to sedate myself...and obsessivly compulsivley clean my flat over and over again (i'm obsessed with bleaching everything!...call me monica!!)

If i can just go without a joint for one day I can start my course....one i have gone without for one day I feel like ..ok, thats one day...now lets not F it up!

I managed to keep the boyfriend away last night, one rare night on my own......(smoke much less when alone!)
It was so nice to sleep when i wanted and not sit up smoking large amounts till 3/4am!
It's going to be hard to keep him away another night but i'm really gonna try!

Thanks for listening!