BearLady
09-04-08, 12:45
Hello and Firstly, many thanks for this site. I'm learning that anxiety can be a pretty lonely place and from what I have seen of No More Panic, it is a refuge for the soul.
I'm a 46 year old woman with a great life, fantastic partner, nice life, good job but boy oh boy I really don't know what is happening of late. Undergoing some sort of dreadful personality change from someone who handles life, situations, has always been a shoulder to cry on etc, to a complete neurotic.
It all started last year, when I decided to go for a 'mole check' - just to be on the safe side becuase, well, I spent my twenties in the pursuit of the perfect tan (blonde and fair skinned so not great) and I read an article that suggested this (mole checking) was a good idea.
I went along for an appointment and the nurse spotted something 'suspicious' two things actually. I paid to have an 'expert' look these and the next day received a phone call that said the report read 'suspicion of cancer, urgent referral advised.' I'd had the moles for a long time so of course in my mind they were already terminal. Panic appointments with my GP followed (who didn't think it was, but was now obliged to refer me urgently - more panic and lots of looking up typical images of skin cancer on the web, mine looked identical to the late staged ones) and ten or so agonizing days later an appointment with one of the top skin cancer specialists in the country. He took one look and told me I was fine, he was really concerned about the mole checking place, they were adding to his work load daily.
That over, you'd think I would relax, but oh no, what followed on were headaches, bowel upsets (I lost my lovely husband to bowel cancer when he was only 39, so I suppose that one had to come out) all following the same pattern, panic appointments with GP, consultant and full checking, with the bowel thing this requires a colonoscopy which is quite an undertaking! I am lucky enough to have private medical insurance, although I wonder if the GPS would give in to my demands quite so quickly the NHS was paying for all this.
And now the latest symptom - a vibrating/buzzing leg! I'm going to a neurologist tomorrow and for once the GP suggested it as opposed to me. And of course it could be something serious, Google would suggest it is, but it could well be begnin/perimenopausal as well, and I'm wondering if this last point isn't in part responsible for this dreadful state of mind.
I do know that I really want to get over it, stop self-obsessing and get on with what should be a very good life. Have had some acupuncture and found it very relaxing, also considering CBT but don't want to go down the route of visiting every complimentary health practitioner in town either, I can see myself heading that way.
Well it felt good to write all that, many thanks once again for the site and the chance to rant!
xxx
I'm a 46 year old woman with a great life, fantastic partner, nice life, good job but boy oh boy I really don't know what is happening of late. Undergoing some sort of dreadful personality change from someone who handles life, situations, has always been a shoulder to cry on etc, to a complete neurotic.
It all started last year, when I decided to go for a 'mole check' - just to be on the safe side becuase, well, I spent my twenties in the pursuit of the perfect tan (blonde and fair skinned so not great) and I read an article that suggested this (mole checking) was a good idea.
I went along for an appointment and the nurse spotted something 'suspicious' two things actually. I paid to have an 'expert' look these and the next day received a phone call that said the report read 'suspicion of cancer, urgent referral advised.' I'd had the moles for a long time so of course in my mind they were already terminal. Panic appointments with my GP followed (who didn't think it was, but was now obliged to refer me urgently - more panic and lots of looking up typical images of skin cancer on the web, mine looked identical to the late staged ones) and ten or so agonizing days later an appointment with one of the top skin cancer specialists in the country. He took one look and told me I was fine, he was really concerned about the mole checking place, they were adding to his work load daily.
That over, you'd think I would relax, but oh no, what followed on were headaches, bowel upsets (I lost my lovely husband to bowel cancer when he was only 39, so I suppose that one had to come out) all following the same pattern, panic appointments with GP, consultant and full checking, with the bowel thing this requires a colonoscopy which is quite an undertaking! I am lucky enough to have private medical insurance, although I wonder if the GPS would give in to my demands quite so quickly the NHS was paying for all this.
And now the latest symptom - a vibrating/buzzing leg! I'm going to a neurologist tomorrow and for once the GP suggested it as opposed to me. And of course it could be something serious, Google would suggest it is, but it could well be begnin/perimenopausal as well, and I'm wondering if this last point isn't in part responsible for this dreadful state of mind.
I do know that I really want to get over it, stop self-obsessing and get on with what should be a very good life. Have had some acupuncture and found it very relaxing, also considering CBT but don't want to go down the route of visiting every complimentary health practitioner in town either, I can see myself heading that way.
Well it felt good to write all that, many thanks once again for the site and the chance to rant!
xxx