View Full Version : Partners/Family attitude to NMP
louwilliams
09-04-08, 17:00
I'm interested to know what members partners and family members think about you using this site?
Personally, My partner says that I "re-inforce my illness" by using the forums and chat room (I have severe health anxiety, panic attacks and GAD) and if someone mentions an symptom, that within a week I will have it too (which is complee and utter rubbish) He has never once even glanced at the site-he has no idea what is written on the forums or in the chatroom-he just assumes and says "oh I see your talking to your funny friends again" It does cause arguements between us when I come on here, but I have tried to explain to him that as I dont get any support from him or my family, this is the only place I do get it from and as it helps me, I will continue to use NMP
Thanks
Lou xxx
my partener/family dont care that im on here as long as they have something to do. if they aint then they throw a big sulky. sometimes its all about them and not what is helping you. sometimes family are just selfish.
kellie .xxxxxxxxxxxxx
honeybee3939
09-04-08, 17:48
My Hubby loves to me to be on the forum so he can take charge of the TV (football,rugby and any other sport the remote will take him to!)!:wacko: He actually drove me to the other end of the country last year so i could meet up with all the good people that had helped me recover from Agorophobia, so i geuss he is very grateful everyone as helped get his wife back to the way she used to be.
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
My family thinks like you Lou, that it makes me worse. How can that be??? I dunno!
I feel ths site should be used in a positive rather than negative way.
What I mean is that this site is a huge knowledge database but is also a place to receive support from people who understand.
The problem with panics and most anxieties is that alot of them are created by inward thinking because we focus on what we're feeling. If we're not careful, we can use what others say in a negative way by keeping our focus on our inward thinking and on how we're feeling.
This is a great place to learn and receive support but people need to be careful not to get too absorbed by constantly thinking about how they're feeling because of their anxiety.
Alot of our anxiety is created because we focus on what we're feeling rather than on what we need to do.
I think this is a Terrific place. Just remember to use the site in a positive way by learning from what is here and what others offer in support as friendship without constantly dwelling on how anxiety makes you feel otherwise anxiety stays in control because you're always creating it by thinking about it rather than using what is here to help conquer it.
An example would be....
Say, you look on here and read about someones panic symptoms and you realise you suffer in the same way. The negative approach would be that it "could" make you more aware of the symptom so make you "think" about it even more which could then make the panic worse because you're always looking for it and expecting it.
The positive approach would be to realise that others suffer the same thing so it must be a normal reaction and then look to find out why it happens and how to stop it.
So often we tend to forget that all our anxiety symptoms are created by what and how we're "thinking" so if we dwell on worrying thoughts and our symptoms, the panics will always feel worse.
Panics go when we "forget" them and learn how "not" to think and dwell on them.
This is a Wonderful site for knowledge and support.......just use subject matter on symptoms wisely to help you get better and not worse.:hugs:
:D hi lou, we have had quite alot of debates on here about how nmp affects us - is it a good thing or a bad thing?
but obviously your talking about our partners/families opinions and thats a bit different although in some peoples cases thes people can be having an influence on what the individual does/ thinks.
i know roughly how long you have been suffering (at least i think i remembe ryou saying)and i would say you are relatively new to anx, hence why you are triggered by other peoples problems/symptoms etc.
personally i have none of that so it is irrelevent to me whether nmp has a negative effect on me - it doesnt - unless i have a row with someone:blush: :mad: :wacko: :weep: :lac: :shrug: which doesnt happen much now im more chilled:shades:
what need s to be tackled is the way you react to other people not you actually coming on-line. you will eventually stop being triggered i think by other people - its part of anxiety disorders really especially when you are feeling really bad. your relationship stress amy be causing your anx and not nmp. however your partner is entitled to his opinion although as he isnt it a sufferer wouldnt it be better to take it with a pinch of salt?:winks:
it is really hard when you are new to all this lou, and it gets easier over time - nmp or your partner isnt a viable choice there is a place for both in your life i think - remember who the enemy is lou - not us,(not suggesting we are but your partner may think we are?) not your partner(unless he is abusing you?) but ANXIETY and only ANXIETY!!!!!! it wreaks havoc with our lives and our relationships lou, and i urge you not to let it!!!!! find as many ways as possible of tackling your anxiety - find what works for you and then things will become easier and you wont have to have this stress hanging over you. it wont matter:yesyes: take care, emma:hugs: :flowers:
I'm interested to know what members partners and family members are to you using this site?
Personally, My partner says that I "re-inforce my illness" by using the forums and chat room (I have severe health anxiety, panic attacks and GAD) and if someone mentions an symptom, that within a week I will have it too. It does cause arguements between us when I come on here, but I have tried to explain to him that as I dont get any support from him or my family, this is the only place I do get it from and as it helps me, I will continue to use NMP
Thanks
Lou xxx
As weird as this sounds, I agree with your fella. I think the work NMP does is great, but I'm on here too often, can't tear myself away from it and IMO it makes my anxiety worse.
Last time my anxiety was bad, I didn't know this place existed. It got better much quicker.
Hi, my hubby doesnt know I use the forum and I dont think he'd be happy if he did know...I see a psychologist and he absolutely hates the fact that I see him (its through occupational health), gets mad when I get anxious or upset or down (cant blame him really) and only a few weeks ago said he'd leave if i didnt sort myself out...so this place is my dark secret (no offence meant...its actually been my lifeline on more than one occasion)....and allows me to paint my smile on for the rest of the world.
luv Coni XX
My OH hates forums. He thinks they are silly. But he's always been supportive of me being here cos' he knows in the early days of when I had a breakdown a few Summers ago and was clueless to what was happening to me - this was the place that gave me answers and made me realise I wasn't alone.
I do monitor myself to ensure I am not here too much as I have an addictive personality and can waste hours on the PC which is unproductive for me as I have a young family and my time is needed with them. And I know a play in the park with my little boy will lift my spirits no end.
But it's good to know this is here and the friendship I have made with a fellow NMP member is dear to me.
:D hi, i just had to respond - nobody has a right to tell anyone wha tthey can and cant do! we are responsible for our own lives, and that includes our family and friends.(they are responsible for themselves too) i dont spend hours and hours on here because i like a balanced life:blush: i generally dont do anything to excess:yesyes: oh except maybe talking:D :blush: :winks: :yesyes: :shades:
so i dont worry about that, if your partners spent hours and hours on-line say in ebay, would you say they had a problem? would they think they were doing anything wrong? no they wouldnt!, they would say it was normal and it wasnt hurting anybody!! which is true, but neither is coming to nmp, well except say for atmolav - who i would say therefore could do with trying to find other ways of dealing with the anxiety he/she is feeling.
for me coming to nmp could only ever help - when i had a breakdown 8ish years ago even though i had experienced it before on/off for years i still thought i was the only person in the world who felt like i did!!!:wacko:
ppl who disagree with nmp who have never suffered should remember the saying ' there but for the grace of god go i'? there are ppl on here who have posted that someone they know suffered and they didnt have a clue, and then lo and behold they began to suffer themselves - well they certainly had a clue then!:weep:
ppl who are unsympathetic are generally ignorant,judgemental, selfish people anyway - ive got a few of them in my life, and i feel they are best ignored - plus i hold out the hope that one day they will have it themselves and i can say ' oh dont be silly, theres nothing wrong with you, pull yourself together and just get on with it and stop being such a let-down!!!:ohmy: :winks:
My hubby loves NMP.....he reads the posts, asks after various people if someone is going thru a tough time and loves coming to the meet ups!!!:yesyes:
Guess Im very lucky:D
Kaz x:hugs:
louwilliams
09-04-08, 20:53
Emma
I must admit I was a bit upset with your first post but having read that last one I agree with 99% of what you said (the bit about the member on here I cant agree with as I dont know what it meant!?)
I dont want anyone to get me wrong-I dont spend hours on end on NMP, or indeed any other site or the internet on the whole. I have 2 children, a partner, a house and 2 dogs to see to so I dont have the time to do it but yes I do spend a couple of hours (on and off) on NMP in chat a few nights a week? often much less but never any more than that-and 99%of the time I'm on here is when my children are either not here or are in bed. As for my partner-his hobby takes up every hour or every day off he has so he hasnt really got a right to complain to me about time spent on here..............although he still does!
I didnt post this for a massive debate-I am just genuinly interested in the results and am actually suprised at the outcome of it so far
Lou xxx
Hey Lou,
*Gulp*....sorry if I confused you or put you down - not my intention.
When I first found NMP, believe me it was a godsend. It showed me I wasn't alone, it showed me that what I was feeling was OK, it was normal. My partner though, like yours, is dead against it - and *to a degree* I agree with her reasons.
She's had anxiety, she's been where I am so she has a unique viewpoint. She says that NMP "fuels" my anxiety, and causes me to constantly think about it, and that this makes it worse - and to a large extent I believe she's absolutely right.
But that's not to say that I think using NMP is a bad idea. Hey, I'm still coming on here, aren't I? But I do wonder if I spend a lot less time on here whether my anxiety would start to receded as I stop thinking about it and analysing it so much.
I'm absolutely not trying to tell anyone what they should and shouldn't do - and if I was I'd be a hypocrite (cos I'm still using it!). We're all in the middle of our individual journeys, and no doubt we'll all take different paths. Mine may be to lessen my usage of on-line forums, it may not be. I haven't decided yet.
What I will say is that the people who run NMP ALL deserve recognition for the support they provide and the effort they put in - no matter what people's opinions of it are.
Hugs to everyone.
My hubby is supportive with what ever I do, I guess Im very lucky.
He can see how much this site supports me and like he always says he cannot put himself in my shoes and so being here helps he is all for it.
take care
smudgie
Since having a brain tumour removed in Feb this site has really put my mind at ease.
I developed a lot of symptoms due to worry when i got home from hospital and were pleased to see that they were the same as everyone on here was suffering from.
I find that they have almost disappeared which i am over the moon about,as the last thing i wanted was another major illness!!!
Thank you to all and i will continue to use this wonderful site.
Mandy xxxx:yesyes:
Sorry by the way my partner is happy that i found this site.Anything to stop me worrying !!:winks:
My family are really pleased i'm on here getting help and advice from others (and hopefully returning the favour). However, they are nervous that talking to people who are worse than me will give me "ideas" and i'll end up getting worse.
I don't agree to be honest. I can understand why they think that, but I'm careful what I read, and I steer clear of the symptoms pages, and anything I think might increase my anxieties.
I think this is a great website. Really helpful and supportive :)
xxxx
:D hi, from what ive learnt from places like NOPANIC and my own cbt therapist not to mention all the books ive read - the ultimate aim is to FACE the triggers, let them make you panic and ride that panic out - im not suggesting googling, but if someone was doing this, the ultimate aim would be to read the stuff, panic and then recover until the symptoms of illnesses didnt make you panic anymore? so at one time finding out symptoms of mental illness would have really distressed me, but then obviously a panic attack through reading about them didnt mean i had them? so my mind sorted itself out and stopped being frightened of everything it read - it didnt mean it was happening to me!
same as with agoraphobia - whatever triggers a panic, for me this would be a list as long as my arm:blush: i have to face every single situation until it no longer makes me panic - so im going to be busy with exposure for a very long time!:winks:
the aim is not to AVOID triggers its really to actually face them and let them do their worst - all current thinking on the sugject says exactly this - oh and claire weekes also said it and i would bet she was one of the first to suggest that no phobia can be beaten until its been faced fully with no crutches:weep:
so some aspect of nmp would be a trigger for some people - that could also include unfortunate situations with other people? but it wouldnt mean you had to AVOID the forum or any of its contents.:weep: :lac: :ohmy: :mad: :yesyes: :D
I'm stunned by those whose husbands/wifes/partners have a problem with them using this or any other site that they feel is of interest or helps them. I only found this site a couple of months ago and at first wanted to be on here 24/7. It was such a huge relief for me to read about others who suffered like me or worse than me. It gave me a huge amount of reassurance and has led to me accepting that my health anxiety was just that a symptom.
I have been able to do so much work on my agoraphobia because I have listened to what others feel and think and tried to copy what they do.
One of the biggest helps for me was trying to help others. It made me realise that the advise I was giving them was applicable to me to.
Some of the posts are very thought provoking and have made me question things that I wouldn't necesssarily think about. I feel that I have learnt so much about myself and other people.
My husband is very supportive of me. Is this luck. I hope not I think it is something that yu do for those you really care about. I would really question the value of a relationship that encouraged me to hide my needs.
To all those who struggle with their reasons for using this site only you can decide how valuable something is to you and whether you are benefiting.
My husband doesn't really mind me going on here but saya that he doesn't see how it will help me. He thinks that reading about other peoples problems can only bring me down. I do agree with him to certain extent as some of the posts are quite sad and it's difficult to know what to say. It can make you dwell on things if you read a post from someone in a similar situation. However I find chat is usually light hearted and if I'm feeling anxious the interaction with others usually calms me down. Although I too am trying not to come on here too much or for too long as I think in certain cases it can be counter productive. It's about being self aware I think and knowing when enough is enough. Being inside on pc all day is not going to be as helpful as getting outdoors on a sunny pleasant day. My husband hopefully trusts that I can make the right choices for me. But all in all the support on here is excellent.
Granny Primark
13-04-08, 12:00
My hubby is all for the site.
Hes met some of the members and their partners and seen how much support and encouragement we give each other.
He also likes to read the panic/pause/humour section.
Take care
LYNN xx
IrishPrincess
14-04-08, 11:30
My fella thinks this site is a brill idea,because although he does his best to understand what i am going through,he thinks it's great to be able to be in contact with ppl who are going through the same,when i first joined a few months ago,i was at it in my eyes far too much and he never complained,he was just happy that something was helping me.
Karen:hugs:
hazey-babe
15-04-08, 19:29
Hi, :yesyes:
My folks think its great but hubby not as supportive. But then again when is he ever!!!!!!
I think it has helped me to realise I am not alone and that these feelings I have are not abnormal for an anxious person. Does that make sense????? I know what I mean.
Love Hazel x:hugs:
:yesyes: makes perfect sense hazel, and for this alone nmp has my most massive-est gratitude:hugs:
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