Shame/embarassment...

[Kate408]

My biggest fear is that i'm going to have a panic attack in front of strangers and they're going to think i'm weird. Does anyone else worry about this?

If I could honestly believe that it didn't matter what they thought, then I think I would be much more free (I wouldn't be "cured", but at least I might be able to leave the house on my own!).

I keep saying to myself that it doesn't matter what people think. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!".

Why, therefore, can I not put this into practice!?

Any advice would be gratefully received.
xxxx

[AtmoLav]

All I can say is I've had many a panic attack infront of strangers and no-one's ever noticed!

[Hope 2]

Hey Kate :D

Your thread title caught my eye cos this is an all to common emotion isn't it and then had to smile when I read thru and saw the 'those who mind' part (see my signature).

Unfortunately the general opinion of us folk with anxiety etc can be very negative and judgemental and that this , I feel contributes to us feeling ashamed . People like us tend to not like being the centre of attention and this may be why we get so frantic about having a whopper of an attack in public . My main problem is ocd , but that did make me a virtual recluse when it was severe cos of the fact I would have to carry out embarassing rituals in public , and if I managed not too , the panic would set in big time when I got home . So I do relate to your fears , just a different reason behind 'em :blush: . The main reason I think is cos people are scared of folk with panic etc cos they dont know how to react to them , and they are actually embarrased for themselves ......... this kind of thinking helped me turn off the 'switch' inside that made me crazy worrying what other people thought of me . I admit I have felt the same way b4 I developed my probs .A wonderful friend told me about the 'those who mind etc' and it really helped me stop giving a monkey's about others opinions so much . I am not cured of it totally but I am 80% better !

The best advice I can offer is what cbt taught me .......... what is the worst than can happen ? I acknowledge that not all techniques work for everyone , but it's worth a shot eh lol . At the time I thought this question was not helpful , but when I thought back , it kinda made sense . Exposure to the situations that cause the fear is another biggie isn't it it's sorta like ........... the more we do something that scares us , and nothing happens , we can start to realise our fears are unfounded and for me , irrational . I was terrified I would catch something and ultimately I would die , but only time showed me that this was not true . Again I still have ocd / anxiety but not so much connected to others opinions if u see what I mean . I really hope things improve for you and I haven't offended u in any way .

Give me a shout anytime
Love Hope xx

[Kate408]

Thanks very much. That's really helpful - and funny that you have your signature saying that quote!! I believe it's from Dr Seuss (or however you spell that!).

I did CBT last time when I was bad, when my biggest fear was dying. It really helped, but I haven't done it this time round (when my biggest fear is now panicking in front of others). I think it might be a good idea to KEEP ASKING myself what is the worst that can happen. Like, well, if everyone thinks i'm completely weird and crazy, or thinks i'm attention seeking, then am I going to care in a week's time, or a month's time. Also, are they going to affect my life? Am I going to see them again? and if I do, will they actually remember that it was me?

Thanks again :)

xxxx

[Piglet]

I think this also formed the basis of my panic attacks too - although it was also coupled with the fact I have never liked being ill in front of people even as a small dot let alone die in front of them (which is obviously how a panic attack makes you feel at the time).:blush:

I have got over this hurdle to some degree after watching a programme called the 'House of Agoraphobics where Prof Paul Swalosjki (not at all how you spell it - sorry Prof Paul) where the Prof had one of the sufferers lay down on the pavement on a busy street to see what actually does happen.

Obviously nothing to any great extent did happen other than a couple of people checking if the guy was ok and could they help in anyway - so what's so bad about that then!!:yesyes:

I put this to the test myself and one evening when I was out with my youngest teenager I did the same - yep I lay down on the pavement while she watched me. All kudos to her bless her for letting me do it without getting all teenagery about it.

And d'ya know what nothing happened other than I got a bit cold and was dangerously near getting dog dirt on my new coat from NEXT.

We do have a thread about the whole thing somewhere and we even had the Prof come and answer questions in the chatroom one night.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[beautyfrompain]

yeah i always think that if i'm out with people but then it never actually happens although i may feel like im going to have an attack but when i stop thinking about it, it goes away. The more you worry yourself the more likely you are to panic so forget about it & it will be fine =]

[Orion]

Hi Kate408

I think everyone on the site has felt the fear that they would have an attack in public and that the people would think that they were strange.People don"t really notice and even if they do are we really bothered what they think.

[chalky]

Hi Kate,

One of my dearest friends is an insulin dependent diabetic.When she takes ill, she has the demeanour of a drunk person.I have,on occasion had to explain to strangers that she is not drunk but unwell.She is well-used to the "ignorance" of her condition by strangers.
I mention this because your feelings are not exclusive to anxiety sufferers.
Does it really matter what others think?
Can you change what others think about all such conditions without a massive educational campaign?
The core of this issue is its effect on you-nothing more,nothing less.
Your fear would be rational if you were in a threatening or dangerous situation.Having a panic attack in a shopping centre-as I have done-can be terribly uncomfortable and possibly embarrassing.The fact that I am still alive and kicking several years later and look back on my "survival" of it as a succcess means something.I have had panic attacks at home too.
How we respond to panic is crucial,though.
If we change our behaviour to "cope" with it,we go onto a slippery slope. We withdraw from life and suffer further.
Believe in yourself.
Have the courage to persevere.
You will be all right.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[xxHonetBeexx]

Piglet I watched that! It was on while ago now wasnt it! God I cried all the way through!

Personaly having an attack in front of others doens bother me, its just after ive hd an attack when im not "with it".
I think to myself so what, what the worse that can happen? its been hard to finaly think like that, but it help!

I can say a few yrs ago, I was feeling a bit better,as mine is always in waves
I was so determind to go to this concert(oh how I miss seeing bands) so I braved it, nearly clapsed whilst there, had paramedics take me out.
They asked what caused it "crowds & people" I was trying to tackle the problme head on! When I told them , how they laughed there pants off! It made me feel much better having a laugh with them rather than a mess worrying..............untill I had to leave, legs went again & I had to get a different lift home as I phsicaly coulndnt walk.

These are the time I can laugh & have a joke.Although I dont always feel the same.

Kate hopefuly your find a way that suit you, with help from others or alone. You will get through it, it has to get better. Im a sucker for not leaving house for different reasons( and I havent been out today). Try small steps at a time, dont beat yourself up about it!

Hope ive worded things ok(god im so crap sometimes) LOL loads of love x x x

[Piglet]

They asked what caused it "crowds & people" I was trying to tackle the problme head on! When I told them , how they laughed there pants off! It made me feel much better having a laugh with them rather than a mess worrying

Oh good on ya - what a smashing approach!!!! :yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[Kate408]

Thanks so much for all your posts. Piglet - I like the bit about lying down in the middle of the street!!! Maybe i'll try that sometime.......maybe have to psyche myself up for that one ;-)

I saw that programme too - the House of Agarophobics - or at least I think I did. Where at the end they all went to Tokyo or something!? That was really helpful. It really made me feel stronger. Obviously it didn't last! :(
I wish they would have more programmes like that. It would teach people about panic attacks etc.

HonetBee - well done for going to that concert!! Sometimes it's all too easy to "give it a miss this time".

Thanks again for all your posts. I feel a (slight) renewed strength.

xxxx

[Tom_M]

Well I always say, the people worth knowing are the kind and compassionate type, all the rest I'm not interested in, so don't care what they think of me. People who are kind and compassionate don't judge you they just want to help you.

[Kate408]

I agree!

....but.....it's just hard sometimes to FEEL it. You know!? The difference between KNOWING something, and FEELING something!?

Thanks for your thoughts. They're very strengthening (not quite the right word, but I hope you know what I wanted to say).

x