Bill
10-04-08, 17:51
When things became too much to bear at home, I'd go out with the dog and walk for miles. Just me and him together. My loyal faithful companion by my side. Rain or shine he never moaned. Never gave me stress or hassle. No words full of hurt. No daggers digging deep.
Through estates, roads, woods and fields we'd walk until one day I found my oasis. My place of reflection and tranquillity away from everyone and the hurt in this world.
This place was in the middle of nowhere. A small pond rising from an underground stream in a hollow surrounded by trees so no one could see me. Just me and the dog sitting there in often freezing cold or with the rain pouring watching a kingfisher dive from a branch into the clear water before us.
As we sat there I'd visualise walking into the water to be one with nature, wondering if anyone would ever find me. To be in a place surrounded by water like a blanket providing comfort, holding me secure.
I didn't want to leave my oasis but nor did I want to leave my faithful friend, my dog who was always there for me. All I really wanted was the pain of life to melt, to leave me alone so that I could live once more.
Watching the kingfisher feeding, eating and preening himself made me feel I was not the only one in my oasis feeling alone. There were 3 of us all sharing lifes pond of tears together.
It became a place of comfort to me. I could never escape in the home even if I locked myself in the bathroom. Even self harming only gave me limited relief. The emotional bombardment was constant and endless. My nerves were frayed to shreds but also at the time I felt I was alone, not even thinking about others suffering who were often in far worse situations suffering far worse hurt and stress than mine.
It's strange how when we feel Too much pressure we give in to it because we can no longer fight it but by giving in, we become carefree because we couldn't care less what happens to us but in doing so the anxiety melts away. It's the wrong approach I know because it's defeatist but there is an element of truth in learning how to become carefree abut lifes worries and pressures.
We all need a place of relaxation and comfort when our minds are filled with fear. My oasis was mine. At least there I could escape for a few hours and give my emotional pain a rest.:hugs:
Through estates, roads, woods and fields we'd walk until one day I found my oasis. My place of reflection and tranquillity away from everyone and the hurt in this world.
This place was in the middle of nowhere. A small pond rising from an underground stream in a hollow surrounded by trees so no one could see me. Just me and the dog sitting there in often freezing cold or with the rain pouring watching a kingfisher dive from a branch into the clear water before us.
As we sat there I'd visualise walking into the water to be one with nature, wondering if anyone would ever find me. To be in a place surrounded by water like a blanket providing comfort, holding me secure.
I didn't want to leave my oasis but nor did I want to leave my faithful friend, my dog who was always there for me. All I really wanted was the pain of life to melt, to leave me alone so that I could live once more.
Watching the kingfisher feeding, eating and preening himself made me feel I was not the only one in my oasis feeling alone. There were 3 of us all sharing lifes pond of tears together.
It became a place of comfort to me. I could never escape in the home even if I locked myself in the bathroom. Even self harming only gave me limited relief. The emotional bombardment was constant and endless. My nerves were frayed to shreds but also at the time I felt I was alone, not even thinking about others suffering who were often in far worse situations suffering far worse hurt and stress than mine.
It's strange how when we feel Too much pressure we give in to it because we can no longer fight it but by giving in, we become carefree because we couldn't care less what happens to us but in doing so the anxiety melts away. It's the wrong approach I know because it's defeatist but there is an element of truth in learning how to become carefree abut lifes worries and pressures.
We all need a place of relaxation and comfort when our minds are filled with fear. My oasis was mine. At least there I could escape for a few hours and give my emotional pain a rest.:hugs: