View Full Version : Wrapped up in cotton wool
Hi
Am feeling very down today. My friends came over yesterday (first time in moths) It was ok but all they seem to talk about is the time they've had clubbin etc, so not somthing i can really join in with!
This morning was ok my boyf and i went for a drive and i was feeling a bit more positive, so much so that i wanted to stop at a shop and just pop in to get somthing (im suffering panic attacks / agro phobia etc so find it hard to go in places or out any where). My boyf is so caring and will do anything for me, but even after id said i wanted to go to the shops he just said that we'd go to our local super market and he'd pop in and get what i wanted .
I know he cares for me but when we got home I started an argument with him - its so hard for me and i know he's trying to protect me, but my argument was that how am i ever gonna get thru and deal with my anxiety if wont stop at a shop and let me try and go in?!
I prob sound really selfish and stupid but its made me feel really down.
I felt really positive this morning and wanted to face going to a small shop and felt i needed to so geared myself up for it, but to get home and not of done it and then just argued, its really realyl got me down.
I know hes being over protective and he admitted that, i just need him to realise how it makes me feel but them when i tell him this, i feel bad cos i dont wanna hurt his feelings.
I know hes trying to do whats best for me, but also hes gotta realise i need to face things somtimes becuaes always protecting me the way he is, im not dealing and facing my problem.
Sorry ive just realised how long this post is and how much of a rant ive had...I just needed to get it off my chest.
Tatty B xx
hi Tatty B,
It's normal that you feel the way you do but it's also normal that your bfriend did what he did. He is just trying to look out for you but as you say, if he doesn't let you do these things, how will you ever get better?? Neither of you have done anything wrong, it was just a misunderstanding. Perhaps you could sit him down and explain yourself and then next time I'm sure he will understand when you want to go into a shop yourself.
Sarah :D
Hi Tatty B
Sorry you are feeling down today. It is hard when you see friends and they talk about the things you are not able to do. I sometimes feel like this when I see my friend, but looking at it another way, it can give you something to aim for and work towards.
It sounds like your boyfriend cares about you a lot and is being a bit overprotective. He probably doesn't know how best to help you move forward with this. Perhaps you could show him this site and let him read the information about how to tackle panic attacks and agoraphobia. It might help him realise that encouraging you to take little steps at a time is more helpful in the long run than doing everything for you.
Try not to let this bring you down too much. Think of today as a success because you wanted to try to go into a shop and that is an achievement. The fact that you didn't end up doing it does not take away from the fact that you wanted to give it a go and it wasn't your fault that you were not given the opportunity to try.
Hope you are feeling a little better.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Sarah,
Well as i say it did turn into an arguement (because I think we were both frustrated & didnt understand each other) But we did chat about it afterwards and we both explaine how we felt.
Its just really hard for me to deal with, and also so hard for him aswell. As you say neither of us did anything wrong, if anything I suppose its made us both talk about how we were feeling ... he gone to football now but I felt so guilty after he went. I know he loves me and means well and I hate arguing with him as i just feel really selfish as all he wants is to look after me.
Tatty B xx
Hi Karen,
Thanks...I suppose its the best way to look at it as a postive, because I havnt felt like i wanted to try going into a shop for ages now...So your right that i should look at that a s a positive.
Its really hard with friends as I really feel like ive drifted apart from them in the last few months...and i always have to text them to sort out about meeting, which is hard as i supose you always think your friends will always be there for you..but then again somtimes people find it hard to deal with things like this happening....
Tatty B xx
Hi Tatty,
Sorry you are feeling so down. I know exactly where you are coming from. Reading your post i felt as though i could of wrote it. My husband/friends also try so hard to help, and i think it is so hard for them to understand how we feel. I think back 2 years ago before i had panic etc , and i would never of understood it either. Unless you've been there it is difficult to really understand. As long as you keep talking it will get easier.
One thing i've found is that i really have found out who my 'real' friends are. I've lost a few along the way, but the ones i no longer see or talk to, well, they are no loss to me. The friends still around I know will always be.
Sorry to go on,
Hope your day improves!!
tracy x x
Hi Tracy,
I know what you mean about understanding it...I do say now that I would be able to understand if any one is going thru it but I think thats only because im going thru it - Its hard for someone to udnerstand somthing so irrational and complicated if I cant even understand it myself!!
I was always really close to my friends but that seems to have changed, but like you said I suppsoe you can really tell who your real friends are.
I just feel like i want some independence! I cant drive at the mo because of my costant dizzynss (which the hospital after tests says theres something wrong with my inner ear / thyroid and im waiting for an mri scan) so i feel like i have to constantly rely on people to take me any where - I just long for the day Im able to just get in a car and rive! with no panic or fear!!
Ooopps....just realised im ranting again!! Lol[^]
Tatty B xx
Rant away Tatty!
Thats wat i always say. All i want is my independance back. Out of everything i think the feeling of losing independance is the worse. I used to love driving, and it was the one thing that gave me sort of hope. Now, because i feel slightly agoraphobic, i feel as though i can't drive further than the end of the road alone or otherwise. It is sooo frustrating. And something i cannot explain. I just cant wait to get in the car and pop into brighton clothes shopping ALONE!!
I am just taking things day by day doing small things, and hope i get there one day soon!
tracy x x
I know how you feel tracy! When im back to who i was before I think im just gonna drive and drive! Well at least to bluewater shoping centre [:P]
I just glad theres online shopping and ebay otherwise i dont thik id ever get any new clothes or anthing! [8)]
Tatty B xx
Hi Tatty Bear,
I can empathize with how you are feeling hun. My Mum was told she could never have kids. Then I came along so I was either a miracle or fluke! LOL Anyway because of this all my childhood and part of my adulthood she has wrapped me in cotten wool. If ever I was to scared to do anything she would do it for me. At the time I thought this was great! I now realise she didn't do me any favours in the long run! She admits this now but I still have to push myself so much at times.
My advice to you would be. To sit down with your chap and explain how you feel. Ask if he could ease of a bit and not do so much for you be cruel to be kind so to speak. Explain why this is to him. He sounds like a caring guy from what you have said so im sure he will understand and be more than happy to help!
Good Luck & Take Care,
Love PIP'S XX
Hi Pips
Thanks for your advise.
And I know what you mean about how it feels great to have things done for you, but that it doesnt help in the long run!
I eally apprecaite and love him for putting up with me and not complianing about having to do things, which is why I found it hard telling him how not always this is helping me and I think it did hurt him when I told him, which then made me feel guilty and down....[Ugh]
But I had to let him know that I do need to do things myself so I can get thru it and beat this....and he admitted he just wanted to proctect me which is lovely [^] but I think he now realises that I do need to do things to get thru it, no matter how little the thing may be!
Hes off at football now which I think is a good thing after out discussion! he can let of some steam and clear his head!!
Tatty B xx
hi tatty,
well done for at last wanting to go into that shop alone, :D you know he has your best interest at heart and it's nice that he care so much. Try not to feel guilty about it you cant help they way you feel either, My husband has no idea what to do when i'm like that he just looks at me, or sometimes pats my head yes seriously LOL. It's hard for them sometime to know what to do for the best, cos nine times out of ten with mine he will say the wrong thing so now he just nods, [:o)]
I know it's hard with friends sometimes, i used to feel like they were saying "oh my god here she comes bet she's going to start crying again"which inevitably made me cry, even though they were not thinking that, well thay said they were'nt LOL.
anyway hope it all works out take care and good luck next time with the shops xxx
kairen x
nomorepanic
26-03-05, 19:01
Tatty
Perhaps he is protecting you and knows that it was hard for you and now he needs to know that you want to try and do it.
Just sit down and explain this to him and ask him to positively encourage you to go in the shop rather than sitting in the car.
Don't alienate him, however, as you still need his advice. Just say something like "I want to do it but will you come with me or support me when I do it".
I am sure he will be thrilled that you want to progress on.
He just loves you and cares and I am sure you can work through this.
Good luck.
Nicola
hi Tatty,
It could be that your bfriend is still getting used to the idea of you suffering from panic attacks. I'm sure that once he has a bit more experience with it, he will understand it a lot more and know how to react in each situation.
Sarah :D
Hi Tatty. I get the same with my wife she is ever so loving and caring, Its just when we get the impuls to do something its so hard to understand. I have panic anxiety but my agrophobia seems much better now. and if i decide to go somewhere my wife always says hang on i will come with you. but sometimes out of the blue i want to do it myself. I understand becouse I am also registered blind but feel i must do some things alone. take care. Vernon
Hi Tatty
It is nice to know that he loves and cares about you so much and want to protects you but you have to talk to him about it and explain that when you feel a confident moment that you use it to your best advantage and for him to let you know that he is in the side wings waiting to help you if you struggle.
It will take time for both of you to judge how much each other should be doing but i am sure if you keep talking it will work out fine.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Tatty,
That's really sweet of him wanting to protect you and I'm glad you were able to have a talk with him. Try not to feel guilty though I know it's difficult (guilts my middle name LOL) He will respect you for it though I'm sure.
Take care,
Love PIP'S XX
Hi everyone :-)
Hope youve all had a good easter weekend?
Thanks for al your advice and support. We did have a good chat about how we each feel so I think we both understand each other a bit more (i think!...he prob still thinks im on another planet!! ).
Had easter sunday at my mums with a lot of family, so it was quite nosiy and i got really tight chested which was horrible, but i just took my self away outside to get some air and calm down and i was ok after a bit. Havnt felt that bad before esp when Im with my family, but I suppose I cant always predict when im going to have an attack.
Tatty B xx
Hi Tatty
Would be so easy if you could predict it but we cant. Take it as it comes and take on board the fact that he loves you and wants to protect you. He is only trying to help through his lack of understanding.
Pleased you have talked and hope you carry on talking. It isnt a fault loving you he just now needs to understand you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hey Tatty,
Glad to hear you had another good chat with your boyf,hope you can build on this and with his support start tackling those shops!
tracy x x
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