Broken down again

[Franz]

Don't know why it happened today. Woke up with really bad stomach cramp. Got headaches at work. Just went and sat in my car and started howling but couldn't cry properly.

Took 4mg diazepam this afternoon but it seemed to have no effect whatsoever.

I could cope with this if there was ANYTHING that compensated for it. But it affects every aspect of my life, it makes it impossible to make friends. I just feel this need to recoil from people.

It just takes one "freaking out" moment at work to send me into a tail-spin for the rest of the day.

It's my birthday this weekend and my parents are coming down. My flat is a total tip and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning it. When I say to my parents that I'm too depressed to clean or whatever they say I it's important to keep on top of cleaning etc. but that's b***shit, let's face it a clean flat wouldn't solve anything.

I feel ill and tired and utterly isolated. I have nothing. Nothing.

[chalky]

Hi Francis,

It is very easy to see how things can feel over-whelming.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

We can look at the big picture and envisage a future of doom and gloom.
We can also,at times like this,choose to respond in a manner which our anxiety will not expect.For example,cleaning your flat would distract you from the mental fixation with your problems.putiing on some of your favourite music will help whilst you are doing this.
Knowing your parents are coming to see you in a pleasant environment will help you feel better about yourself and also will help your parents feel good about you.
Recovery from anxiety is not a smooth easy process but if you start each day determined to do your best-even if you have to push yourself really hard-you will achieve results.
This process is not about quick fix solutions.Sometimes you have to dig really deep and even though you may feel as though you are standing still, you are doing the right thing.
Don't give up on yourself.
Keep beliving in you.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[thevoicewithinme]

Hi, first I really do relate to how you are feeling.

Chalky hit the nail of the head about the cleaning side though. When I get very anxious or feel a panic attack looming, I start doing stuff about the house, at first I admit its a struggle, but bit by bit, you will find yourself starting to forget how you are feeling, it kind of helps you overcome it.

Give it a go, it might help.

[Franz]

Thank you both for the replies! Well, I just phoned my parents because I needed someone to talk to and fortuately I managed not to lose it and just said I'd been having a bit of a bad day but on the whole I was OK. So I feel better. I do worry about upsetting them but if I can avoid really laying on the misery it helps.

Fortunately they are not coming till the afternoon tomorrow so I plan just to chill this evening and clean tomorrow.

Thanks again :)

Francis

[Mystical]

Francis,

Well done that girl. At least you took it into your hand to tackle the cleaning tasks; a busy person's place will always look untidy so you have that on your side and those shredders get bunged up more times than they shred stuff, so you got that going for you too; I got rid of three bags of clutter and it felt like I was saying bye to dear friends.... didn't know whether to mourn the passing of the bags over to the charity shop or feel relief that it meant a little less clutter to go at? Decided in the end that it was an achievement just to be rid of stuff.... after all, wasn't as if I'd worn the clothes for months and sometimes I'm loathe to admit - years; I still has suits that I wore for business two years ago. Wasn't till they were revealed, having got rid of what was in front of them, that I realised they were still hanging there. So now someone will hopefully feel as good as I did wearing really serviceable clothes; at least I hope they will. Mystically yours ........

[Franz]

Mystical,

Just to clarify: I am a bloke :) I don't like calling myself Frank so I'm stuck with this name. (It's spelled with "e" if you're a woman, "i" if you're a man.)

Francis