PUGLETMUM
12-04-08, 05:50
:D hi all, i could post this in any number of sections but i chose panic as that has prob been the driving force behind my experience with anxiety:wacko:
im really posting this in the hope that somebody who is in the stage of thinking it will never end and are questioning their sanity will get some support and hope themselves, that yes it will end and no they arent crazy!!!!
my history goes back to about age 14, but the time when i thought i had fallen apart and would never find myself again happened after i had my daughter in 1998. i stopped breasfeeding abruptly and was plunged into despair, which lead me straight to the gp to demand the prozac i had taken before my pregancy, only to find it didnt work:weep: from there on i had irratiojnal fear that i felt i had no control over whatsoever - i feared my food had been poisoned, i feared being sprayed with anthrax, i feared the end of the world, i feared an alien had put the magnetic strip in a library book, i feared my daughter or husband dying, and ultimately the worst fear for me was the fear i would kill my child:weep: so from all these fears stemmed behaviour - avoidance behaviour to the extent that i allowed my daughter to spend alot of time with her grandparents - this happened because alot of weekednd i was alone because my OH was working as he then worked shifts. over the years i have had personal battles with the people in my life - standing around and letting me ruin my own life:mad: feeling bitter and angry:lac:
so i managed to cope with all this is everything went my way and i was allowed to indulge in all of my self-defeating behaviour - avoiding the fear. teh people in my life have been told that they have contributed to my condition and have also been blamed for it for being uninvolved and seemingly uncaring about the outcome of my life, however i find it now more helpful to think of terms of me being responsible for my life and so not blaming anybody else or seeing muyself as a victim of anybody elses control - i f i have alllowed people to have controll then that was my fault and now im stronger i dont meed to have these people involved in my battle with panic and anxiety.
i had always wanted another child but felt with this amount of worry it wass impossible and ppl felt it wasnt a good idea either so influencing my decision - anyway i had a good 18 months chilling at home and getting back to being able to be with my daughter all the time. so we tried, i got pregnant and then i wasnt adn again i was plunged into a kind of despair that i couldnt cope with - or so i thought i couldnt. but the years have helped me to understand. and i sought help from wherever, a therapist, self-help, here and from myself.
3 years ago i started cleaning agin as a way to try to have some routine in my kife and to have a little bit of independance, i thought i had to hide away due to my lack of social skills and my fear of panicking in front of anyone and also my inability to face my fear of going it alone anymore than say amile from my home, putting lots of work out of my reach and leaving me with no resort, or again so i thought?
im really posting this in the hope that somebody who is in the stage of thinking it will never end and are questioning their sanity will get some support and hope themselves, that yes it will end and no they arent crazy!!!!
my history goes back to about age 14, but the time when i thought i had fallen apart and would never find myself again happened after i had my daughter in 1998. i stopped breasfeeding abruptly and was plunged into despair, which lead me straight to the gp to demand the prozac i had taken before my pregancy, only to find it didnt work:weep: from there on i had irratiojnal fear that i felt i had no control over whatsoever - i feared my food had been poisoned, i feared being sprayed with anthrax, i feared the end of the world, i feared an alien had put the magnetic strip in a library book, i feared my daughter or husband dying, and ultimately the worst fear for me was the fear i would kill my child:weep: so from all these fears stemmed behaviour - avoidance behaviour to the extent that i allowed my daughter to spend alot of time with her grandparents - this happened because alot of weekednd i was alone because my OH was working as he then worked shifts. over the years i have had personal battles with the people in my life - standing around and letting me ruin my own life:mad: feeling bitter and angry:lac:
so i managed to cope with all this is everything went my way and i was allowed to indulge in all of my self-defeating behaviour - avoiding the fear. teh people in my life have been told that they have contributed to my condition and have also been blamed for it for being uninvolved and seemingly uncaring about the outcome of my life, however i find it now more helpful to think of terms of me being responsible for my life and so not blaming anybody else or seeing muyself as a victim of anybody elses control - i f i have alllowed people to have controll then that was my fault and now im stronger i dont meed to have these people involved in my battle with panic and anxiety.
i had always wanted another child but felt with this amount of worry it wass impossible and ppl felt it wasnt a good idea either so influencing my decision - anyway i had a good 18 months chilling at home and getting back to being able to be with my daughter all the time. so we tried, i got pregnant and then i wasnt adn again i was plunged into a kind of despair that i couldnt cope with - or so i thought i couldnt. but the years have helped me to understand. and i sought help from wherever, a therapist, self-help, here and from myself.
3 years ago i started cleaning agin as a way to try to have some routine in my kife and to have a little bit of independance, i thought i had to hide away due to my lack of social skills and my fear of panicking in front of anyone and also my inability to face my fear of going it alone anymore than say amile from my home, putting lots of work out of my reach and leaving me with no resort, or again so i thought?