making friends

[andie73]

Does anyone fear making the first move when it comes to making new friendships for fear of being rejected? Although I am married so therefore not alone my husband works long hours and I am often on my own when others around me are with their partners. A work colleague is in a very similar situation in that her hubby works late shifts and weekends etc.

I have a lot in common with her and we get on really well. I feel that she wants us to be friends outside of work as it happens that we are going to same place on holiday this year and she suggested the four of us meet up. This isn't till July though.

Basically I fear suggesting meeting up for a coffee as I am frightened of rejection. I don't then want a good working friendship to become awkward. Should I leave well alone or should I try to initiate a friendship that has all the signs of being a good one? or am I just reading the signs wrong and setting myself up for rejection?

[Franz]

I don't see what the harm would be in suggesting meeting for a coffee. I'm sure it's what she'd like, but even if not, I don't think there'd be any permanent harm done to your work relationship. A couple of times I've misjudged how well someone would like to be friends with me, but things restabilised on their old footing.

Making friends in adulthood is so hard. As Jerry Seinfeld says, once you're in your 30s it's like sending in a speculative job application - the reply is, "Sure, you look right for the job, but I'm afraid there's no vacancy" :) Most people have their social lives well in place by then, or else they're busy with family and don't have time to go out.

Speaking as a man, it's also difficult to suggest "going out for a drink" with a male colleague because there's always that unspoken fear of a friendship becoming too "emotional" and effeminate. And men certainly don't "go for coffees" with each other.

[chalky]

Hi Andie,

All the signs here point to your colleague wanting to have a friendship with you.As anxiety sufferers,we tend to have low self-esteem so it is easy to understand your reticence.
Starting off with a coffee morning sounds like a great starting point for getting to know each other better.
I say "Go for it"!!
Best wishes,
Chalky