Feeling like a complete failure

[thevoicewithinme]

My day started off really good. My boyfriend and me set off for Tesco about half hour ago, and I usually manage the shopping trip fine. This week, he decided that we were going to go to a Tesco closer to home, the one in town and I thought fine. Some joke!! We were just around the corner from the shop, and I freaked out, told him I couldn't do it and he brought me home. Within about a minute of him turning the car around, the panic started to go and I was left with a detached feeling. I was angry at myself, scared he was angry with me and in two minds as to whether to say to him I feel okish now, can we try again?? But I didn't! He has said that when he gets back, we are going to go to a village a couple of miles up the road and walk around the shops, and I agreed, but am already thinking can I do it?

Now I am sat at home on my own, while he has gone to do the shopping and I feel like a complete failure. Why am I like this? Why can't I do things that I have always done? When are the tears going to stop?

I want my life back, I want to be independent again. I hate relying on other people and I hate being like this.

[jesse08]

Hiya, I'm not feeling brill today either but what I try to do on days like this is rather than look at everything in terms of failure or success, I try to look at the positives, even if small. So I see someone, (yourself) whose day started off well, who manged to get to Tesco and although you felt panicky, that panic subsided. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have achieved so far.

[misterbean]

Hello VoicewithinMe
I'm so glad that you could post this.
Martin

[thevoicewithinme]

Thank you Jesse for your reply.

Misterbean, I guess in a way, the reason why I posted this is my silent cry for help.

I have so much pent up inside of me, that wants to get out, but I can't let it because I am so sure that people would think they are the ramblings of a mad woman.

There is so much hurt and anger, amongst other feelings inside of me, that it's hardly surprising that my head is messed up.

Why couldnt the doctor help me when I first told him that I needed to talk to someone about what had happened last year? I know what happened to me, doesnt happen to most people (thank god) but there must be others in my situation....but all I got told is that he knows of no groups etc that could help me...and now I am back to where I was over 12 years ago.

[misterbean]

A silent cry for help. A SILENT CRY FOR HELP! I've just realised why I joined this site. Those are the very words. I'm now all adither.
A really quite alright dither.
Martin

[thevoicewithinme]

A silent cry for help. A SILENT CRY FOR HELP! I've just realised why I joined this site. Those are the very words. I'm now all adither.
A really quite alright dither.
Martin

Seems like in reading my post, you have found one of your answers Martin.

[misterbean]

Yes, and I was so dithery that I forgot to say thank you for shining the light that found it. Thank you, Voice
Martin

[misterbean]

Oh, and I was so wrapped in my stuff that I didn't acknowledge your dilemma - a potfull of hurt and anger simmering away on the stove with a lid of 'mad woman' shame stopping it from boiling over yet causing the pressure to build at the same time.
Martin