i need some advice please

[bluesparkle]

i really need some advice... wasnt sure whether to write or not as im not sure if its all my fault...
i have ocd/anxiety etc...
my ex left in november (only been with him 14 months)we had quite a few bad months after that as we live so close i wanted to stay friends...well we sorted that and now see each other most days... if i dont hear from him i get anxiety/panic attacks...but when i do see him sometimes that doesnt help either as he keeps telling me about his plans for the future and also anouther lady friend he has and the pain i sometimes feel when he leaves is awful.
i do alot for him ... washing... helping out with his taxi business etc and i enjoy it.
i really made a fool of myself last week as i told him how i felt and that i would eventually like to be back together with him...he held me and we talked but he said no promises but also he did give me some hope except i read what he had said wrong because nothing has changed... he even has me on his phone as "andy" when i asked him why he just went red and got cross...guess thats for when he is with his other friend...but i dont know.
i know im being stupid about this and i have not had this problem before when i have been single...but i cant or dont want to deal with the pain of saying good-bye and giving up any chance of being together...
i also feel i cant cope without the contact...
am i just being stupid.. its just im finding this on top of everything else we have to deal with when we are suffering attack really hard.
i dont know if all this pain is worth it...dont get me wrong we do have good times and a laugh(meant to be going on his bike tomorrow)so i dont know weather to stick it out or not...
thank you so much for letting me waffle on
rach

[seh1980]

hello Rach,

I can imagine it hurts when you spend a lot of time with a person as friends and you want a lot more out of the relationship. I'm sure you didn't make a fool out of yourself when you told him how you felt. You were honest with him and there's nothing wrong with that!! I guess you have to decide what would hurt you more: to stay friends and never anything more or to not see him at all..

Sarah :D

[bluesparkle]

hi sarah...
thank you for replying...
i know i need to make a desision and decide what i can cope with best...
reading back im not sure i should have put up a post about this but i suddenly felt so alone and the panic was starting to rise...
i am just going to have to get up and get on with it...and try not to let it rule my thinking all the time.
im just going to see what happenes and take one day at a time instead of worrying about the future...or next week etc...
as soon as id written it i felt a little better though it really does help to write things down especially somewhere were you know people arent going to laugh at you or tell you to get a grip...
thank you for listening

[seh1980]

hello again Bluesparkle,

Don't worry as everyone here can understand how you feel. We have all been there at some point. I hope that it all works out for you!!

Sarah :D

[kairen]

hi blue sparkle,

i was like that with my ex, i now realise that it was not even him that i was bothered about but just the situation of losing someone, and the fear of being alone, he was seeing someone behind my back which i only recently found out, it was ten years ago (not that i hold a grudge LOL) but now i look at him full of pity cos i;m married got 2 lovely girls and he's still where i left him. you have to try and distance yourself from him, to see how you really feel and like wise for him if he still has any feelings for you he will realise it when your not always there. good luck dont be taken for granted take care hope it helped a bit xx

kairen x

[bubbles]

Rach,

Maybe you need a complete break from the guy to get yourself sorted out before you can be friends.
It's very difficult, as you are finding, to go from boyfriend/girlfriend to being 'just friends'---especially if one person in the couple feels differently to the other.

In the end you have to decide which is best for you, what will help you cope with the anxiety in the best way.

If you are always available (+ doing his washing etc)--he's getting a pretty good deal & you are just hanging on for whatever he chooses to give you.

"If you love him let him go---if it was meant to be, he'll come back to you."

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do---& hope you feel better soon.


Linda. x

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.