View Full Version : Avoidance due to panic attacks
I pretty much cope with my panic and anxiety on a day to day basis and I've gotten pretty good at handling it's effects, relaxed breathing etc. My problem is travelling anywhere over 20 miles or so from my home town - especially on a motorway. The furthest I've been in over ten years was a trip to Blackpool last Sept (around 200 miles). This was a difficult journey. I managed to keep a lid in things but it was exhausting. I guess I bit off more than I could chew after having not been anywhere for years.
Anyway, my partner recently bought us tickets to see Bruce Springsteen in Manchester in May (a four hour, 200 mile journey) but the truth is I don't think I can face a journey of that size again. It's just too long. I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since he bought the tickets - anticipatory anxiety I guess. I wake up in the wee small hours worrying about the journey. It's making me think more about my agoraphobia and panic attacks than I would usually so I feel that it's setting me back more. I told my partner today that I feel that I need to cancel the trip and sell the tickets on but I feel soo disappointed. I normally try and meet these challenges head on. I feel as if the 3 and a half hour trip to Blackpool when I hadn't been any further than 20 odd mile for ten years has maybe set me back/put me off. I just wondered if any of you had found your self in similar situation? Am I being a coward not going on trip or can you understand where I'm coming from? I guess that baby steps is the best way for me to go - wee trips to start off with? Any advice/thoughts much appreciated.
x
Hi ya!!
I totally can understand where you are coming from. My partner bought some tickets to see kylie in Manchester in July and ever since I have been worrying about going. I thought when he bought the tickets a couple of months ago that I would be soo much better and would be fine to go, but that is not the case, like you I have been worrying about the trip. Unfortunately I just don't think I am ready and we have put them on ebay. I do feel so much better now that I haven't got it hanging over my head as I think it was setting me back abit as I was worrying about it alot. I do feel quite disappointed in myself about not going, but I am doing it for the benefit of my health and I look at it that I will be able to do these things in the future. I do agree with you, I think that small steps are the best way to go. I do know some people say just do it, but me personally would worry I would freak and ruin the progress I have made to date. Small steps have got me where I am today. I've got along way to go, but when I look back where I was I have come along way and that does give me alot of hope. I hope you get some comfort in the fact that you are certainly not the only one going through the same thing and hope things work out for you.
Take care
Simon x
helenclaire
15-04-08, 13:26
I can definately understand how you are feeling,
prob the long journey you did last year was a bit much for you at the time and this is now putting doubts in your head as to whether you can do it again.
It would be a shame for you to miss the concert but unless you really feel up to it you will only worry and not enjoy it.
I think baby steps are definately the way to go until you feel better,
there will always be other concerts.
Take care
Helen
Simon and Helenclaire, thankyou for responding. Simon I felt better on reading your post - just knowing that I'm not the only person who finds themselves in these sorts of predicaments. Anxiety and panic affect a lot of people but it's very rarely you meet anyone in 'real' life with very similar symptoms as you. I guess it makes me feel not as isolated.
Hello all, I can really find myself in this thread. I have had panic attacks associated with agoraphobia since I was 17 (I am 31 now ...). I have come VERY far, thanks to family support, psychotherapy and ... time. I used to be housebound, now I can basically do anything I want and lead a normal life. The only thing I still have difficulty with is going VERY farm from home (I would say 150 to 200 miles), and this only at night because it is more difficult to come back. However, I started CBT last year, and this has helped me somewhat. I live in Brussels, and have now slept in Luxembourg (2OO miles), Amsterdam (also 200 miles) and other cities around the country. It isn't easy, but you have to face it sometime or another. Don't put it off too long. My next step is sleeping in a city I can't really go back from (the famous fight or flight), and I am going to London this weekend. I have worked upto it by going during the day, staying until the least eurostar leaves, and building confidence. I think that's very important to do. I actually have a job offer in London so I would love for this to work. Also, don't hesitate to take medication to help you with your first steps. I believe the only way you can beat this is without medication, reprogramming your thoughts and interpreations of situations by practicing them and exposing yourself, but medication can be a big help if the feelings are overwelming at the beginning. I don't use much (hardly any), but it can be useful if used correctly. Well ,that's my two cents. Work on it, don't always chicken out (believe me, I still do, I was supposed to sleep in London 3 weeks ago but left with the last eurostar, but I am going back this weekend to try again). Don't give up!
i would suggest that you have a month, to practice going somewhere at the weekend, not miles and miles but maybe build it up. try not to think about where you are leaving but where you are going to. Once in the place with the music you like and the man you love you will have such a wonderful time and I hate to think of you missing out. By all means if it is too soon then leave it for this time but maybe set yourself a goal in the future, say a year, and work your way up to it by making trips first 20 miles, then 30 etc to either see friends or visit something you have always want to seen. focus on the outcome not the journey.
I did used to feel like this and i decieded on going to germany! there was a music festival i had always wanted to go to but never had cause i was worried of leaving home and especially the flight. i did smaller trips over afew months and built myself up. yes i had some diaz on the day but i made it there and had the best 5 days of my life.
Take your time but one day you will be able to do this and go anywhere in the world.
Micha, you are doing so well. I hope to get as good as you are now. I cannot imagine leaving my country OR going on eurostar.....that all seems like light years away from me just now. I have approached my doctor about cbt and I'm waiting on word, though it may take quite a bit of time due to waiting lists etc. Last year, after approaching my doctor, I was sent to meet an assistant psychologist for guided self help. I didn't feel however that this was suitable for me at that time. The girl I was sent to (who looked about 5 years old ha) was just going to go over all the basic stuff you are given when first discovering you are suffering from panic attacks; methods of relaxation, correct breathing method etc. I think I need to discuss my thoughts at a deeper level - eg get to the brass tacks of what I'm frightened of. Well done to you though for coming so far. I aspire to be where you are. :yesyes:
Hello again, that is a good question, what are you scared of? I actually did 5 years of psychotherapy twice a week, and this helped me to better understand who I was, my feelings etc ... It helped me a great deal. In my case, CBT is moe about understanding panic attacks, how they work, etc... I am now only panicy in the evenings far away from home. I can go to Paris, London etc ... during the day, but once nighttime comes ... I get anxious. CBT is good, but it's not a miracle cure. You really need to expose yourself. It's a scary thought, but the only way. Like Jenni mentionned, do it gradually. I started by going 20 miles from home etc... and built from there. But you really need to get the exposure done, reprogramme the way you think. I was actually in the eurostar the other day, in the evening (around 9:30), and the train stopped in the tunnel! I started to get scared, but than told myself that it isn't a dangerous situation etc. I calmed down, even though I was still somewhat anxious. Also, don't hesitate to ask your doctor for medication to start off. My best friend is a ER doctor, and he tells me that if taken correctly, as needed and for a short while, benzos are great for first time exposure to calm down as feelings can be overwelming. In my experience they work great, and I have only used about 10 pills in the last 5 years.
Just practice, don't avoid ... most of the time the thought of the exposure is worse than the actual thing. Also, try some positive thinking. If you keep on thinking that in being far from home you will panic, you are already programming yourself to do so. Tell yourself it won't be easy, but that you'll get through it and that nothing bad can happen. Imagine how proud you will be once you do it, even if it is difficult!
My counsellor told me a little story about his brother...he went on a round the world trip flying here, there and everywhere on aeroplanes. The only problem he had was that he was afraid of flying and became sick in flight due to this - particularly on take offs. During a stay in America, he toured the country travelling on lots and lots of planes and by the time he was due to return to the UK, he had cured himself of his anxiety attacks over flying because of the sheer amount of trips on flights he had undertaken! Avoidence is not the key and won't make you happy in the future...I'm trying to conquer open spaces like airports, shopping centres and train stations at the moment and have been out every couple of days by myself to hit the fears head on, and you know what, it's getting better all the time. Don't give the tickets away, you never know when these chances will come around again!
Good luck!
Hello Mizfiesta and all. I've just read all your posts and think you're all amazing! I've had agoraphobia, on and off, since I was 21, I'm 53 now:blush: ! It seems to come in waves with me, or should I say chunks! I've had times when I've been able to travel "far away", usually to see my musical hero Neil Young; at other times I can't even get to the end of the road by myself (which is the stage I'm at just now). I remember travelling from up north to Gloucestershire on my own, on a train, to meet up with my brother and nephew - we then drove to Finsbury Park to see Neil Young and Booker T and the MGs; and I came back home on my own. I managed really well and didn't "over" panic - and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Yet, I had the chance to see Van Morrison a few months back and just said "thanks, but no thanks".
I'm waffling a bit here aren't I! I think, all I want to say Mizfiesta, is maybe take everyone's advice on taking babysteps and hopefully you'll be able to see The Boss. But, if you don't feel you can, or want to do it, don't beat yourself up too much - I'm sure there will be other times you can go!
Take care all,
Wendy xxxx
Thanks Wendy, your response is much appreciated. I totally get where you are coming from with regards to being more capable than dealing with panic at times - and yet less at other times. It's a complete lottery. Some days/weeks/months I feel strong then at times I feel vulnerable and back to square one. I guess we can only take each day as it comes and do the best we can. Keep fighting the good fight. X
eternally optimistic
16-04-08, 22:47
Hi, I'm new at this so please bear with me.
I have had panic attacks for probably experienced my first panic attack 10 years ago and it eventually came to a peak last summer.
I was due to go on holiday abroad with my family - they went and I didnt make it. Since then I have tried not to avoid certain situations, essential I know.
My husband has since arranged a "surprise special birthday celebration" - I didnt make that either - we ended up at Plymouth instead!!!!!
I think it is necessary to take things in your stride when you are ready - but
my biggest fear is that I will not conquer this particular situation. Most days
at the moment are OK with the help of SSRI's but not sure what I would be
like without them.
I have experienced attacks in silly situations, standing in a queue at a bank, out walking (trying to relax, ironic really), waiting in a hospital waiting room while my husband waited his arrival on the next bed - I went out cold and
got there before him.... The list goes on.
Trying to avoid all of these situations, I know, will not help. I will keep battling on.
I've steadily gotten into a nasty habit of avoidance. I can't remember the last time I really exposed myself to a feared situation. The people where I work have organised a day out at the races next week and I can't go so I feel bitterly disappointed and very left out. I'm trying not to listen to their excited conversations. It's not a massive distance either but it's the thoughts of the traffic congestion and being stuck that have put me off:weep:
Dying_Swan
17-04-08, 17:46
Hello :)
I can totally understand where you're coming from and I think most of us will know how it feels to avoid something because of the fear of panic.
Someone suggested working up to it, which I think is a good idea. Try making some trips at weekends, and gradually increase the distance you go. Pushing your safe boundaries is important, but it's also important to do it gradually.
If you feel that there is absolutely no way you can cope with this journey, then don't do it. But do start making some attempts towards it, because then you will be far more prepared the next time it crops up.
I've avoided so many things in the past because I am too scared to go to them, but eventually you realise that it is just fear of fear. It can't hurt you, but it is hard work. Unfortunately, avoiding things is not good because it confirms to you that there is something to be worried about.
Try doing some journeys at weekends and I bet you are going to do great!
Good luck
xxx :flowers:
i can really relate to this post!!!! I know exactly how you feel mizfiesta, I really do. I am ok apart from going further than about 20 miles, and motorway?..... I might get stuck in a traffic jam!!!
It all came to a head for me in Feb. It was 2 days until I was going 25miles on the motorway to take my 9yr old daughter to see high school musical show. Now, it was bad enough that I could not take her on the train, or even drive her myself, so hubbie & son were taking us and going to a movie near by. However, as I say, 2 days before it and I was going through hell even thinking about it. The realisation as I was making dinner that I really might not be able to do it brought me to tears. I could not stop crying out of sheer anger & frustration at myself. I kept thinking how utterly ridiculous this all was. I was thinking how sad my life had become that I was seriously considering not going to a show only 25 miles away. OF course the kids saw all this, but the dam had broken & I just never stopped crying for hours.
I managed to go, at first it was hard, but I started to enjoy myself & the feeling of accopmlishment was huge. This is when I realised that I must, must, start taking baby steps & exposing myself little by little. So, since then that is what I have been doing. With the help of 2 fantastic friends they started taking me once a week onto the motorway. The first time we just went 1/2 mile, then came off and went back the way. We did this about 10 x . I even drove one of the times!!! Then gradually we went a little further. Eventually, we started going even further to a shopping mall. WE would get out & have coffee, then drive back. One time we stayed for lunch! We have been venturing even farther now too. I can honestly say that this has helped so much. With the kids being off on holiday, we went on a day trip yesterday. We were on this stretch of motorway, and although I still feel nervous, I can do it without panic. We did it again today.
So what I am trying to say is try to do this as much as possible before doing the long trip in May. If you can't do it, you can't. But if possible really try.
I am now in a big dilemma. We want to book to go abroad but I find this soooooo difficult. My husband is willing to put it off & book for next year. Part of me really wants to do this so that I can gradually build up to it as my plan is to keep tackling motorway till I feel really comfortable, then move onto trains & elevators. I feel that if I keep doing this for the next year then next year going on a 9hr flight should not be so difficult. However, I have done it before (with great difficulty), and I am feeling more confident so part of me is thinking, life is too short, just go this June?
Also, can I also suggest trying EFT? I have been using this technique before I go onto the motorway & even sometimes when on the motorway. I realise I probably look daft tapping my face, but I have to say that it really has helped quite abit. If you look in your local directory I'm sure you will find a practioner who could help you learn the basics of EFT.
Whatever you decide, to go or not go, you are not alone. I know it really does feel like it sometimes, but I can assure you, you are not. I also try to remember this when I am on the motorway & this does bring some comfort to me & gives me a little confidence.
HOpe this helps in some small way.:winks:
Thanks for your response panicdiva. It really does help knowing that I'm not the only one that suffers from this. I guess because you never really meet anyone who has this condition on a day to day basis you feel sometimes that you are the only one in the whole wide world who is like this! You hear people talking about going abroad in aeroplanes so casually - as easy as pie - while I simply cannot imagine doing so. As if it's the strangest thing in the world to do! It's a very strange thing as if any of you met me you would think I was a confident, outgoing individual and certainly not the 'nervy' type at all. I am soo good at disguising my panic and feelings of uncertainty.
Granny Primark
17-04-08, 19:43
I too relate to this post.
Ive got a fear of travelling on dual carriageways and motorways.
I wont let me hubby drive fast and we always stay in the slow lane. But i start to panic when I know theres oncoming traffic joining the motorway. I hold on to my seat for dear life.
I wont let me hubby change lanes.
It must drive him mad!!!
His job is a bus driver, so it isnt as tho he isnt a good driver. (but some might dispute that about bus drivers lol)
Ive got a holiday booked to go down to the new forest in september. A journey of over 200 hundred miles. Im determined im going to do it!
I too am scared of traffic jams cus I had my first panic attack whilst stuck in one.
I deal with that now if im a passenger in our car by txting my friends, playing bop it or doing some craft work.
Its seems unreal that only a few years ago I could get on the motorway in stoke and drive to my friends in lancashire.
Take care
LYNN
I went on the motorway yesterday. I was on it for about 25 mins and so scared. I knew where I was but I didn't know how long it would take to get to the next exit. I didn't explode into a panic attack, I really minded myself with the self talk.I did give in to tearing along at high speeds as the occasional "you can't get off this" thought broke through and when I did get off I had to pull in cos I was shaking so hard but i still consider it a success :shades:
I went on the motorway yesterday. I was on it for about 25 mins and so scared. I knew where I was but I didn't know how long it would take to get to the next exit. I didn't explode into a panic attack, I really minded myself with the self talk.I did give in to tearing along at high speeds as the occasional "you can't get off this" thought broke through and when I did get off I had to pull in cos I was shaking so hard but i still consider it a success :shades:
Im glad you consider it a success, because that is exactly what it is. Well done, you did it despite your fear, so you have proven to yourself ,that hard it may be, but you can do it.!!!! Fab!!!
Evamay, well done! Did you drive or were you a passenger?
x
Thank you!! I drove alone, that's the way I need to be at the moment. Anyone with me just makes me feel worse for some reason:shrug:
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