How do I get rid of the "what if's?"

[fairy]

Hi, hope you're all having a nice easter break. I've been having a terrible weekend, it seems I get a thought into my head and I can't rid of it. I have lots of "what if" moments with my toddler at the minute, for instance, I lost an earing on friday and now I'm convinced she must have had it and swallowed it when I wasn't looking. She has been absolutley fine all weekend but I've still got that nagging thought...what if? My husband say not to worry, that we would know about it by now if she had. I'm doing my own head in worrying so I'm sure I'm doing his head in too! Consequently, I watch my daughter all the time, just to make sure because she couldn't tell me if she had done something as she doesn't talk yet! Does anyone understand this, I fear I will wrap her up in cotton wool and that will be bad for everyone, I really wish I could turn back the clock to a time when I only worried a bit. Thanks for reading:)

[celia]

i know how you feel fairy, its hard to ignore those thoughts! i have had a feeling of dread all weekend, i have been ignoring it tho, try to distract yourself with how beautiful your daughter is, and how well you are looking after her!!! its just premature guilt, take it easy on yourself xx

celia

[kairen]

hi, i remember when my little girl was sitting on floor with me, the phone rang and i turned to pick it up and she started coughing when i turned around she had my purse open, i was hysterical thought she had swallowed money i rang docs who said just to keep an eye on her to seeif she showed any signs of it gettting stuck and that it would work its way out itself i checked her nappies for about 3 monthd LOL nothing ever came out but i will never forget that feeling its all my fault she is going to choke she is 7 now and i;m no where near as bad now... it's your natural mothering instinct to protect it will calm down with time honest !!" good luck take care xx

kairen x

[seh1980]

hi fairy,

It's normal that you worry about your toddler. As the others say, try to distract yourself with more positive thoughts. Sorry that you have had such a horrid weekend!

Sarah :D

[della]

hello fairy

just thought i would say i know "the what ifs" i think the only way past them is time and a reduction in anxiety, i know that the "what ifs" are a combination of self doubt and self trust........you could try saying STOP when you find yourself saying "what ifs"....a method i used to use. Another method is to put a elastic band around your wrist and every time you think "what if" twange the elastic band....OOOUCH


take care


della:D

[sal]

Hi Fairy

Sorry it has been such a bad weekend for you. Just remember what ifs are just what they say, they are not a definate they are only thoughts that we all have and thoughts dont prove anything.



Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[henri]

hi fairy,
i think the way to get rid of 'what ifs' is to replace a negative one with a positive one, so instead of saying 'what if i go to the dentist and have a panic attack', say 'what if i go to the dentist and there's nothing wrong with my teeth?'
anyway, it's easier said than done but if you force yourself to think positive thoughts, it'll help the anxiety.
hope you have a good week!
henri x

[fairy]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I do need to try and think more positive thoughts, the trouble is, I've got really good at thinking the worst! I find that keeping busy helps for a while but there's always a few minutes when I have nothing to do and thats when all the worry starts, this is what I have to work on. I think I might try the elastic band thing della, something physical might work for me. Hopefully today will be a better day:D

[zena]

Fairy honey when you have a toddler you do have a tendency to worry over them.....it's normal.
Della comes up with really good ideas and I can't add on to it, but, any more worries you will find some good advise on here. Take care

with good wishes

Zena

[sal]

Hopefully it will be better as time goes by. You have a lot to think about and we will support you all the way.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Annette]

Hi Fairy,

When my daughter was born she was very premature (26 weeks gestation) and spent three and a half months in hospital. several times she almost lost her life.
When she came home I worried constantly about everything. I had nightmares about her being in danger and not being able to help because I couldnt find her.
I thought all of this anxiety was because of her prematurity until I chatted one day to a mother of a "term" baby who told me she was just the same.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is perfectly natural to have these fears as the mother of a small child.
They do seem to get better as your child grows.
I think it sounds as though you are very vigilant and responsible, this should stand your child in good stead.
Hope this helps.

Annette :)

[sal]

Hi Fairy

It is normal to have What ifs and it is normal to dwell on them, but you can overcome them and look back and see they are exactly what you though What ifs.

Takes time and hard work but you will get there hon.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.