dark and negative forever

[breakingoutthistime]

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http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/images/statusicon/post_old.gif 15-04-08, 13:59
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Just negative and dark.
Most times feel that am not allowed to be happy.
Just get so negative with partner and everything turning negative and hostile towards everyone.
Feel resentment and angry alot of the time and hate going out most times in the week.
I feel like am very different from others here, am artistic vivid imagination and an dreamer somewhat head in the clouds characteristics of an aquarius not your typical football loving shagging every weekend one of the boys.
Like live in a flat that only leave for runs and to take push bike out and am very agrophobic, self conscuess sensitive.
Just feel everything is to much and overwelming most times its very frustrating.
LIke all the walls and inclosure is like a prison a cage and all can do is breed negativity, and get suspicious about stuff that will never have anything to do with me neighbours noises people will never meet.
Its so hard to go into the same space as well as everyone else its like invading their personal space and this is quite intense with supermarkets queues crowded spaces.
Some people dont mind it but dont like the feeling that am being tested and judged for walking into someone elses space.
Wish that it didnt feel like this but it does, every time go out nothing apart from staying in the situation for a long time changes it.
This problem isnt going to go away unless go into exposure every day but 80 per cent of the time cant think of anything worse.
Defences go up big time guard its like a protective thing am protective self from danger that feel threat.
Sometimes just feel should be locked in and be a hermit if was in a job these issues wouldnt feel so intense but am unemployed and theres nothing worse then that.
Am fed up with trying to fight everything when should be accepting it.


:winks:




Hope is a good thing maybe the best of things!

[belle]

I can relate to everything you have written.

x

[Richie]

Hello" breakingoutthistime"
Which is a very positive username y'know x
Hey not all men have to be into footie, shagging , clubing. Don't know how old you are but sounds like u are fairly youngish early 20's? At that age we all feel like we want to fit in and be one of the crowd.
Maybe u feel abnormal because all those things u mentioned u feel like you should really be doing.
Can't speak from experience being female and nearly 40!!!! but the feelings of being in a prison cell i can relate to.
Being in a flat doesn't help matters for you of course. But there was something i noticed you said which sounded really worth doing. You said that "if you stay in a situation long enough it changes it" you mean the anxiety fades away. When that happens do you feel motivated enough to do it more often? it doesn't have to be 80% of the time, just daily challenges that will reinforce your confidence.
I know you are unhappy and lonely because u are unemployed but if you carry on with the exposure that could soon change, who knows.
This probably hasn't helped but i think you could move forward if u continue with your exposure stuff.
Good luck, take care love Richie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx