Alcohol addiction and depression!

[krissiec]

Hi there, ever since I was 12 I found that getting drunk, was a quick fix to my hurt and pain that I was carrying around inside me. I know that alcohol is a depressant, but I have had a problem with it for 13 years now, my gp told me 7 years ago that I was an alcoholic (I was drinking all the time, was in a very unhappy relationship)
Alcohol has sometimes been my only friend, as because of my mental health issues, anger issues and depression so called "friends" have slowly but surely dissapeard (apart from 2, which I have know from age 5) alcohol has caused me so many problems,it has caused me to attempt suicide, getting arrested, hurting my loved ones etc etc, as I just dont know when to stop, I am trying to teach myself the art of a socialable amount, but my love of the booze takes over sometimes. I know that I'll never be able to quit and I like having a drink as it does relax me, unless I go mad, then it really messes up my mind! I have done well, I have gone from drinking 7 nights a week to 1 and now and again 2 if I am out with OH or my best friends.
As soon as I hit a low point I turn to the drink, and I am then annnoyed at myself for doing that, it's a very bad habbit, but 1 of which I can't seem to kick and deep down I dont really want to. I'd love to be able to drink a few (not half or 3 quarters of a bottle of vodka), but my addiction gets the better of me quite alot. does anyone else have an addiction to alcohol? as I dont know anyone else who has a love for the bottle like I do...

[Lilith1980]

Hi Krissie :)

I went through a stage about 3 years ago of drinking two bottles of wine every night. It got to a point where it wasn't even getting me drunk anymore, then your consumption ends up increasing.

There have been times if I have felt particularly down, where I have fancied a drink because I think it will "comfort" me. If I drink indoors alone (if my b/f goes out) I can now buy a maximum and leave it at that - usually just a couple of alchopops as opposed to wine. Before, I would easily pop out to the shop again to get more, no question.

You say you are drinking once or twice a week. I think that seems a reasonable number of times to go out drinking to be honest. But are you talking more about the amount you have when you go out?

It's weird you should post this because I was out with a few friends last night and everyone was in their own little conversations and I had kind of gone off in my dreamworld (as I do now and then!), and I sat there wondering whether this is all my friends wanted from life - to sit in bars, chatting about nothing really important, getting drunk all the time.

I'm on a big "self development" thing right now where I am reading lots and want to try out meditation and just get in touch with me. And last night I just thought how I dont enjoy going out and getting lashed so much anymore, and how it would be nice to talk about important things, things that matter. Maybe its me getting old ;)

Sorry for that waffle!

I find if I am more mindful when I am out, of how much I am drinking, this just helps me slow down a bit and take things easy. Maybe you should try that, just think about the speed at which you are drinking. After all, there is no rush is there :)

Sorry I dont have any more advice hun, hope that helps a bit :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[bexy1970]

hi jo,
let me know bout the meditation, i to am considering going to classes to learn and find the real me. xx

[chalky]

Hi Krissiec,

I am an alcoholic.
I have been sober for nine years.
Alcohol and depression do not make good bed-fellows.
My daily commitment today is the same as it was nine years ago -"Don't take one drink for one day."
My worst day sober has proved to be better than my best day drunk.
Feel free to PM me at any time about this.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Best wishes,
Chalky

[krissiec]

Hi guys, thanks for your replies.

Jo- I am just an unperdicatable drinker and drunk, I never set out to get totally smashed, but once I start sometimes it's impossible for me to stop. Sometimes I can go out and drink at a sociable level and sometimes (like last month), I went out and ended up getting arrested! and sometimes if I am at home having a few, thats all it'll be is a few and then other times I go mad!!! It just depends on my state of mind I think, sometimes I dont even know what that is??!!!

Chalky- very brave of you to admit that, alot of people deny they have an addiction to alcohol! well done for staying sobre for 9 years, I imagine it took a lot for you to do that?? I won't lie to myself or others and say I'd quit, because I am not ready to as yet, and maybe I'll never get to that point. I would like to continue drinking at a "normal" level, where I don't change into some raving loony hehehe!
thanks again guys xxxx

[eeyorelover]

Hi Krissie :)
I have an addictive personality period!
Once I would find something that would take the edge off the emotional pain I was experiencing I would do it to excess!!
I would always start out by saying I was only going to do a little. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, sex, I was only going to use it to take my mind off things for awhile.
Trouble was I always went to such an extreme that it was never just a little. At one point I was drinking everyday all day and doing drugs all day just to numb myself enough that I couldn't think about what crap my life really was!
I lost my 2 older kids to the state and was a real mess!

I woke up one day sick as a dog!!!!
Turned out I was pregnant again!
The state worker I had sat me down and gave it to me straight! Telling me that if I didn't change my behavior that I was going to lose this baby as soon as it was born and would never get any of them back!
That day I stopped everything!
I moved to another town and cut ties with everyone that I had been friends with because I knew that I could so easily fall back into that life and I just couldn't do it anymore.
Now it's better than 18 years later and I am still doing well!
Occasionally I will go out with my husband now and be able to have a few drinks and not feel the need to overdo it!
I think part of the reason for that is that I am not in the same place emotionally where I feel the need to numb myself anymore!
It's hard to say whether you will ever be able to drink socially or not. Some can and some just have to stay away from alcohol completely.
My view is better safe than sorry.
If you feel as if you may lose yourself in it then what is the point of testing that theory out?
Right now it seems that the drinking has become a real problem for you and like any problem - it isn't going to go away on it's on. You have to take control over it! Easier said than done I know!!
If you need anything just holler cuz there are people here that will support you through it!!!
xxx
Sandy

[Granny Primark]

I never drank til i was in my early 40s. I couldnt even cope with drunken people around me. Then a glass of wine whilst cooking on a saturday evening began to be a bottle of wine!
Strangly enough we used to go on all inclusive holidays and never ever did I ever get drunk.
I have drank excessively to try and get rid of the panic attacks and the sadness ive been feeling. But the next day ive just felt worse.
I love the sunshine. But sadly due to panic attacks i can no longer go on holidays abroad. I did find that going on sunbeds gave me a boost. But now the information that sunbeds are really bad for you has stopped me going on them.
I just wish i had a friend who would come and join a gym with me.
Im sure excercise would be of enormous help to me.
I used to go to dance class years ago and that was a brilliant hobby but ive lost my confidence to do that now.

Take care
LYNN xx