View Full Version : Hubby's leaving, need a big hug.
hazey-babe
19-04-08, 19:40
Hello,
I just feel I could do with a hug from someone who knows what its like to have this blooming anxiety and panic problem.
Hubby is leaving in the morning for trial separation.??? We have been married for almost 6 years and have been together for almost 9. We have been to Relate and are going to keep going but I really don't know what the future holds and its scary.
He just can't get past the panic and anxiety. I have always had it while with him but it is worse now (although the last few months have been a bit better). I know its hard and I have been sympathetic and tried to understand how he feels but I now feel like he has given up on us. Its so hard for both of us but I feel he is taking the easy route out. I would like to leave it too!!! Also I feel like it is cause it is an emotional disorder and not something you can see, like a broken leg.
I am worried about how I will get on as we have 2 boys and I will be with them. The more I stress out the more panicy I am getting.
Sorry for asking for a hug as some of you have been through much worse things that this but it will make me feel like someone does CARE !!!!
Love Hazel xoxox:hugs:
*Hugs* you can get through this. I know it.
Hi Hazel, im sorry about yr probs you will get loads support on here and advice and also make new friends too. sending u bigs hugs and it takes a while but life always gets better, believe me i know:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
I am so sorry this is happening. My husband can't get over my panic/agoraphobia and threatens to leave ALL the time and when he's not threatening to go, he's being verbally abusive.
When i separated from my first husband, i hadn't been alone for 5 years, not for a single second, i had never been alone with my son and i was 100% housebound. I went from being terrified to getting much better.
I hope you know that there are many people here that'll support you...
x
Hi Hazel, so sorry youre going through this....sending you huge hugs
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
luv Coni XXX
Hey Hazel :hugs:
I feel for you hun , whatever happens u have got us lot here xx
Don't be on yr own with this , keep posting . Maybe things will work out .
Whatever happens , I wish u all the best :hugs: .
Give me a shout anytime
Love Hope xx
louwilliams
19-04-08, 22:49
Aw Haze,
Maybe this seems like the worst thing that could happen but try to think of it as a fresh new start.
I think you hit the nail on the head saying "I feel he is taking the easy route-I wish I could just leave it!". This is a part of you and when I tell people about how unsupportive MY partner they say "well if he loves you then he'll learn to live with it and accept its a part of you-if he doesnt then he doesnt love you for you" which is true. I have made the decision to leave my partner, I am in the process of buying a house without him knowing, as I cant see me getting any better while I am with him. He is so abusive about it-name calling etc and I know I wont get back to the woman I was before this started unless I get away from his negativity about my "ilness" so everytime I sit and think "christ....am i doing the right thing? will I be able to cope alone? etc etc" I just think well, things cant get much worse, they can only get better so just give it a try.
Massive hugs to you and be brave-you are much stronger than you think and if you can live with panic and anx everyday then you can get through this.
LOU xxxxxxxxxx
Can you remind him of the vow "In sickness and in health"
and hey have this hug times infinite:bighug1:
Hi Hazel
Here are massive :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: for you. You will get thro this, whatever road it takes. Be strong and remember, we are all here for you
x
Granny Primark
20-04-08, 07:53
Hi Hazel,
Big big :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you at this very stressful time.
Im a believer that everything happens for a reason.
Perhaps (hopefully) that by him leaving you it will make you realise that you can cope and are a stronger person than you both realised.
Also absence makes tha heart grow fonder. Maybe he will realise how much you mean to him and how much he needs you.
I really hope the pair of you can work things out.
Take care
LYNN xx
Big Hug to you. Don't know your situation but you will get through this. Everyone here is rooting for you.
hi hazel so sorry to hear that u will be ok i have been on my own with two sons u will get there and if he cant understand its part of who u are then u should move on keep ur chin up happy thoughts the good thing thats to come of this is u will be stronger without even knowing xxx
Hi Hazel
A big hug for you:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Im so sorry you are going through this bad time. I know it has been said before but "in sickness and in health" comes to mind.
What if the shoe was on the other foot, have you asked him that.
Im sorry love but he needs a kick up the A**.
You keep your chin up and try to get through this, keep in touch and we will support you the best way we can
Take care of you
Smudgie
hi hazel,
keep strong, you will and can get through this.......dawny
tayside lassie
20-04-08, 11:13
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_2_80.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm824YYGB) hey hazel ...real sorry its came to that for you ..i do hope your O.H comes to his senses ......
sally.....
http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb114&pp=ZNxdm824YYGB (http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml?partner=ZSzeb114_ZNxdm824YYGB&utm_id=7922)
Poor you Hazel :hugs:
Similar thing happened to me 7yrs ago. I was in the middle of a severe depression and panic episode and he upped and left! He did want to come back about 4 months later but by that time I was much better and felt it was too late. Like you, I was TERRIFIED about the future but I got through it and you will too
Take care
Hi Hazel
so sorry to hear this and heres some:hugs: :hugs: :bighug1: for you., and im sure you will be fine, hope everything works out for you ...
love sandyjanexxx:bighug1:
Lilith1980
20-04-08, 12:01
Hi Hazey
I am so sorry this is happening hun. I dont really have any advice but just wanted to send you some :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Jo xxxxx
Hi, I understand exactly what you are going through, I am going through a very similar situation, but it is a good thing that you went to relate and are still going.
We are all here to support you, being a single parent is so scary but you will do great, just take 1 day at a time.
loads of hugs :bighug1:
Christine xx :flowers:
hazey-babe
20-04-08, 13:50
Thanks thanks thanks.
This makes me feel wanted and not alone. He is going at about 4 pm but has gone out to a reading for a play this afternoon. ?!?!?!?! You would think he would want to spend time with the kids before he goes.
Thank you all again for your support is is appreciated soooooooo much at this time.:bighug1: :bighug1:
Love Hazel
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Hazel
Kaz x
HUGE hugs to you Hazelxxx
Even though it was an awful time the first thing I remember about my husband and I seperating was having the remote back for the tv. I know it's a standard joke but it really was great! I sat flicking channels for about 3 hours. Also, being able to sleep in the middle of a double bed is heaven - no-one taking the quilt and fidgeting or snoring all night.
I don't mean to make light of such a sad situation, I know this is a hard time for you - I've been there - but be kind to yourself and try to appreciate those little things. You are also so lucky to have children to give love to.
Just take one day at a time and look after yourself. Weather you get back together or not you WILL survive and built a loving home for you and your children.
Buntyxxx
bluesparkle
20-04-08, 18:46
hi hazel
sending you loads of big :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
you can and will get through this...whatever the outcome...
i know how scarey it is my ex left me last year and once again i was a single mum... the panic and anxiety was awful.
but now i am strong. . . and so will you be.
we are all behind you keep talking and do not feel alone.
and give yourself plenty of "me" time.
rach
x
Hi, firstly i,m sorry that your hubbi does not seem to understand whats going on with you, and that he feels the need to leave.Ive just said to my husband would you ever leave if my anxiety gets too much for you. Never he said, i married you for better or worse . Just maybe your hubbi will come to realise that and you will be able to work though it together. Sending you a huge :bighug1:and the best of luck to you both xx
know what your going through my hubby left 5 times and every time he left i never had a panic attack when he came back i did and we have still got amarriage stronger then ever so you can get through this hope all goes well x
Lindalou64
21-04-08, 01:26
Hello Hazel Im Sorry Ya Going Thru A Hard Time Right Now........yes It Is Hard To Understand What One Goes Thru W/anxiety Ect When The Other One Dont But No Excuse..i Agree With Lou Sometimes When We Really Are On Are On Our Own Its Surprisng How Stronger We Get Some Might Disagree But For Me I Lost My Husbnad 5 Yrs Ago As He Passed With 2 Teenagers And Made Me A Stronger Person Knowing Ok Its In My Hands And I Had To Try My Best And Do What Had To Be Done ..hard Yes But Succecful Yes!!!!! Maybe One Day Ya Husband Will Work Things Out With You But Know One Deserves Sick Or Non Sick To Be Humiliated We Didnt Ask For This...like One Dont Ask For Cancer Ect,, We Will Never Get Over This Being Verbally Abused As What Lou Says......but My Heart Does Go Out Too You Hun And Stay Strong Ok..........just Try Ya Best To Be Positive And Live One Day At A Time........i Wish Ya Well Hun..............linda Xxxxxxxxxxx
hazey-babe
21-04-08, 20:58
Hi,
Just wanted to say thank you again to you all for your support. He left yesterday afternoon and it is blooming hard. The anxiety is kinda high but I'm stressed out and worried but I know I will get through it.
Thanks all again
Hazel xoxox:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You'll always get support and advice here. Glad to see you're being positive even though you're bound to be worried. Take good care of yourself and your kids :hugs:
Big Hug from me...hope you are feeling less panicky today. It's going to take a while to adjust so please be good to yourself. TC.
Hi, can I just stay that I found the anxiety was worse at certain times of the day for me, when it was the time he would usually come in from work, and especially last thing at night when I was in bed alone. During the day when he would have been at work anyway I felt I could cope fine.
I would say it wasn't the person I missed but the company, if that makes sence, and when I needed to get something out of the loft !!
We are all here for you, and if you are feeling a bit low just ask for a hug, I think sometimes virtual ones are just as good as real ones.
It does sound that although he is leaving he doesnt really want to but can't see a way out, it may just be the break that both of you need.
Take care today :bighug1:
Christine xx :flowers:
Lilith1980
22-04-08, 10:21
Hi Hazel
How are you feeling today? Sending you some :hugs: :hugs: honey
Jo xxxxx
Hi Haze,
So sorry to her you're going through this. You really dont need that kind of negativity in your life and your recovery will suffer for it. Do you have good friends and family that can give you support with your boys?
Big hugs hun :hugs: :bighug1: :hugs::bighug1: :hugs::bighug1: :hugs:
xxxxxxx
Hi Hazel,
Sorry you're having such a bad time.Give yourself and your boys plenty of tlc.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
julie x:hugs:
hazey-babe
22-04-08, 20:13
Hi
Just a wee update on how things are today. Thank you all again so much for your support it is much appreciatied.
Today was not too bad although I didn't talk to anyone. Much easier to avoid them!!!!! We went to Relate last night and hadn't realised how pants I felt about myself. Really need to work on the self esteem and self worth!!!
Will keep you up dated Thanks again
Hugs from Hazel xoxo:bighug1:
Liverbird67
22-04-08, 20:40
Hiya Hazel
Hope you feel better soon, although it may feel like the end of the world at the moment, things will get better who knows, you might like being on your own with the boys and being your own boss!
Good luck hun I am rooting for you,
just one thing would you have left him if the boot had been on the other foot?
You need to stay postive babe, buy yourself the most expensive bubble bath you can possibly afford, or the brightest lipstick you dare wear!
Good Luck
Debbie
Hi Hazel,
Glad you're still posting. I think its good to get support right now :hugs:
On a positive note, I dont think your hubby would still be going to relate if he had given up all hope. Hang in there and it might all work out for the best - even if it doesnt, you may well love being on your own. Imagine never having to share the remote again, sleeping diagonally in your bed (I do!) lol
I supported my ex through 3 bouts of depression and when I had one, he couldnt cope with it and ran like a scalded cat! You need someone who can accept the bad times as well as the good - anything less is not acceptable in my opinion!
Take good care :hugs:
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