I hate holidays-dont know what to do

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One of my lifelong dislikes is going on holiday although I always thought it was part of my anxiety state.I would never go abroad although I would take holidays in this country. After a serious illness last year I decided that I would go to Tenerife in April with my husband and actually made the trip!
I would say that although the thought of going was terrifying I was ok once I was there and made the best of it. I was so pleased with myself that we went to the south of France in September but I hated it! It seems that I had proved a point. The novelty was over. I can do it but I just dont want to!
I have been ill with various viruses since February and although recovered I feel very low mentally-depressed one minute and anxious the next. We have a holiday booked for 10 days abroad from 6th May and I just do not want to go! I don't know if it's because I have been ill or if its because I am just odd and do not like holidays. I love my home, my computer, my cat and my garden and hate to leave them!I am beginning to wonder if all my life I have confused dislike with fear and whether I should keep forcing myself to go on holiday to prove to myself and everyone else that I am capable? The trouble is because anxiety is a habit I am getting really anxious about going. I could back out as my husband says he will go without me but then-will I feel a failure?
janet c

[sheba2]

Hi Janet

I really sympathise with this problem. I too confuse things I dislike doing with a fear of doing them. I think this comes from a need to feel that I am being 'normal' and also pleasing others.

I hate going abroad. I have no wish to be in a foreign country. I don't like the different cultures the language or the weather. If I'm honest I like being at home I don't even like staying away at friends. We have a caravan and I like the fact that it is still my space and I can please myself.

Why would your husband want to go on holiday without you. If yu don't mind doing things in this country then maybe more short breaks would suit you better rather than a whole week or longer. Obviously it isn't fair to yur husband if he wants to do certain things but then I'm sure you could reach a compromise.

good luck

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Thanks for your reply. I am glad I am not the only one!
My husband wanted to go for 2 weeks and I only wanted a week so 10 days was a compromise.It seems no matter how much I do it is never enough!
As he has a brother living where we are going he wouldnt be completely by himself and has gone there on his own before.
He is quite pushy about holidays and always made me feel terrible when I didn't want to go abroad-and so did a lot of other people including my own children! I went to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do it. I thought it was the "new me" but actually I am back to square one! Every time I say I don't want to go he gets cross and says I am spoiling the excitement for him- which is fair enough.
My problem will be that if I don't go I will feel terrible -like I have failed.
It keeps going round and round. The fact that I am already feeling low is just adding to the confusion.
janet c

[mf]

Hi Janet

I have always been a bit confused about having holidays, part of me wants to go because its a change of scenery but another part of me feels a bit anxious about being out of my comfort zone and all things familiar, and if i do not go then i feel that i am depriving my husband of a holiday..I think that there comes a time though when you have to do what feels right for you and if your husband is happy to go without you and you are happy to stay at home then why not do that.....

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That is sort of what I want to hear but then when the time comes I will be crying because he has gone without me and I will be alone for 10 days.
I think my problem at present is mental exhaustion. Aside from my viruses my sister's partner died in February from a brain tumour. He was only 47 and she has been naturally relying on me a lot for emotional support. She has been very angry and there is a lot of ranting down the phone. She has been especially angry to our mother who is 80 and I have been trying to smooth things over. Added to that - I am trying to cope with the fall out from my serious illness-I had cancer of the uterus 2 years ago and I am living with no hormones and terrible hot flushes. Now one of my daughters has been diagnosed with post viral fatigue after an acrimonious breakup with her partner. I am not trying to make excuses but my nerves have really taken over again. I dont expect if I were to stay at home I would feel any better. I must admit I feel as though I am going under at present.
I hate this feeling of helplessness!
Thanks for all your help though. Maybe a holiday is a bridge too far at present when I read what I have just written! Its been a horrid year so far!

[sheba2]

ahhh janet no wonder you are feeling low. I think you need a rest from all the scarey stuff and a chance to regroup your strength. Now normally a holiday would probably do you good but I mean a real holiday where there is no pressure to do anything be anywhere speak to people unless yu choose to. You could do with some looking after by the sounds of things. If you can afford to would you fancy a health farm weekend.

IF you really don't want to go with your husband then let him go by himself. If you think you would rather be with him than on your own then maybe yu could go but insist that you want to have a rest and that you need some time out. If his brother is there then they can keep each other company. There are times in our lives when we need to take care of ourselves and I think you are at one of those times. I wish someone was taking care of you.

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That's lovely-thank you. You know- the person I used to depend on for emotional strength most in the world was my sister. She used to suffer with anxiety years ago as well as myself and we worked through it together. We used to be so fearful of life that we mentally put ourselves and those we loved in a bubble. When her partner got sick last year I had to put myself aside to support her. It was horrific-she nursed him for a year knowing there was no hope and it was very hard to watch.On a purely selfish level I lost my
best friend and confidante. I have a horror of illness and death and nothing as horrible as that had ever come so close to home.I would usually be talking things through with her but she is lost to me now. That is why I have posted again on this site. I don't feel there is anyone else who really gets me.I feel very alone with it.
Maybe I should try not to wrestle with things so much. I have a couple of weeks yet before I have to decide. Everyone here seems very kind and supportive anyway. It really helps knowing that they understand!