panic, anxiety or depression ?

[smbljb]

Hi All

This is my first post on the forum and really just wanted some sort of advice. My story is this:

In Jan this year I left the UK to work abroad, leaving my wife and kids to sell the house and join me later on. After being there a few weeks I started to struggle with the job and started having panicky episodes. I'm not sure of these were panic attacks but would involve me kind of 'freezing', where I would just kind of stop, sometimes for hours and my mind would race. This happenned once at work where I sat in front of the computer trembling all day, afraid to speak to anyone and not getting anything done. This got worse over the weeks and I started hiding my feelings from my wife and then my father in law came over as he was worried about me. When he got there I wasn't even sure he was there and had to do stupid things like check is his razor was in the bathroom to prove he was there. He left after a week and I felt a little bit better about things and then started to slide again, not sleeping and not eating. I started to feel like I wasn't really there and wasn't in control of anything, work got worse and I found I couldn't cope at all and really started to get scared. At weekend I would just wash and iron my clothes and sit in the flat all day, speak to my wife and tell her verything was ok and then go back to staring at the wall. I was smoking 60 a day and drinking 2 bottles of wine to try and sleep. When I did sleep I would wake after a few hours and then lie awake all night. This went on for nearly 4 weeks before I decided I had to get home and flew back to the UK. I was also having reals problems with disassociation, where I was constantly doubting myself, my decisions and couldn't even watch TV as I had problems understanding it.

I went to see a doctor and he prescribed diazepam and then a week later put me on lofepramine and ucerax. I'm due to see a counsellor next week but don't really know where to start. We have mountains of debt now as we couldn't sell our house and my wife is heartbroken that I ruined our dream. I'm not working and don't feel like I'd get through and interview (I'm a software developer and have been doing it for 7 years).

What's scary is that all sorts of skeletons seem to be coming out of the closet and I think that the problem might have been around for a long while and then the events of the last few months simpley pushed me over the edge.

I'm sorry for the long rambling post - there is lots more to get through but I was wondering id anyone could help or shed light on the feelings I have.

Thanks

Steve

[marie1974]

hi there i think you have anxiety and mayb depression and also having panic attacks they all seem to come as a package i find. well if you feel u have hit rock bottom there is only one way to go which is up, i think first you need to be totally honest with your wife and she will then understand fully whats going on then go and see doctor and get checked out and mayb if you need some meds then they do help i have been on them for all the above. you also mayb with your wifes support go to the citizens advice bureau local to you, they are fantastic and can help with getting fincacial support legal help anything at all, you just need to be honest with them in consultation room and they will give you any help you need. please dont feel alone everyone here will support you and offer you advice xxxxxx

[marie1974]

sorry also i meant to say be honest with doctor if u need to go back and push for any more help you may need, counselling is a good idea it helps empty your head of all this worry and panic and they also give you coping skills too. the citizens advice bureau will help u loads with money and advice on income help and your house etc

[smbljb]

sorry also i meant to say be honest with doctor if u need to go back and push for any more help you may need, counselling is a good idea it helps empty your head of all this worry and panic and they also give you coping skills too. the citizens advice bureau will help u loads with money and advice on income help and your house etc

i've just sat ignoring the phone as someone called my mobile and home number - googling the number it cam back with mbna and as we have a virgin credit card i can only assume it was them as we are 2 months behind on it. i can't believe i was too scared to answer the phone.

we are seeing a debt cousellor at citizens advice this afternoon and i have an app with a mental health counselor at the end of this month. i feel like i'm making progress but simply feel useless. Whenever I try to approach one aspect of what's going on I simply freeze. I'm trying to talk to my wife but am terrified she will leave or ask me to leave. I've put here through hell the last 6 weeks and feel terrible that I couldn't give her what she has always dreamed of.

[marie1974]

hiya listen i have had bad debt and saw a debt counsellor with the citizens advice they brilliant

[marie1974]

i bet she will be a rock to you if u r honest with her totally, i honestly use to freeze if phone or door rang but only way to deal with it is to face it. if you dont tell your wife it may make it worse as she will find out eventually. be strong and tell her everything it will be a weight lifted from you, you can always pm if u need to chat

[Liverbird67]

Hiya
Please be honest with your wife how you are feeling, she will probably be very supportive, its not easy, well you know what they say, if you have reached rock bottom the only way is upwards, as for your debt, I am sure you are not the only one in this state, banks etc have been leading to everyone lately and just letting debts build up, go to advice centres etc and see what they can offer you. (I am sure that this has reached epidemic props so there will be plenty of advice out there).

See your Dr be very honest, if you are prescribed meds take them, they will help until you start to feel stronger, meanwhile good luck you can always chat to people on line, you will be amazed at the variety of symptoms on here, the weird and the wonderful! everyone is so supportive, even if your particular query is so obsure or you think it is completely off the wall, there will be someone here who can help you, main thing keep talking to people, try not to bottle things up, always light at end of your particular tunnel, most of all don't do anything stupid.

Good Luck

Debbie

[smbljb]

Hi All

Thanks for the replies and the advice. We saw Citizens Advice today and they were brilliant but we couldn't make a decision as to how to proceed just yet so we are seeing them again next week. Time is running out on the debt front though and in the next week or so we will be past our limits and start to have things returned. I think this is the main cause of my anxiety at the minute and is really taking over. All the rest of it seems to be sitting in the background. The worst thing is is that I know I need to get back to work but know that I can't. My own family and friends keep giving gentle nudges that I should just 'sort myself out' and 'the sooner I get back into it the better'. My wife's family have told me to get better first. I can't really remember what 'better' was ...

As for my wife she is being amazing but there is a part of me that doesn't believe her. I know that sounds crazy but I think my self esteem is so low at the moment I can barely look her and the kids in the face. At the moment I just seem to be trapped in this bubble. I seem to be scared of everything and am also panicking that the counselling won't work or I'll be like this forever.

I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and will tell him all I can. I'm still not sleeping and to be honest haven't had a proper nights sleep for over 2 months. The meds don't seem to be working at all as well, although I've onyl been taking them for three weeks.

[marie1974]

hi im so please it went well today and that you told your wife and she is supporting you. you will find it hard to believe that she generally does want to help and understands but shes your wife for better or worse and she obviously loves you so dont beat yr self up. when you are feeling better do something nice to say thankyou. yr meds will take a good few weeks to kick in so just give it time. also as hard as it seems you must try to keep occupied walkin mayb even with yr wife and doin day to day stuff as working towards going back to work as you have the support there and i know you can do it, i did. please dont feel bad theres loads going through the same as you and my attitude now is if i cant pay it they will have to wait. even very late payments can be worked out as long as they are getting paid something and the citizen advice will sort that. hugs and be strong and smile because you are making progress and moving forward. you and yr wife have each other thats the most important thing xx:hugs:

[smbljb]

hi everyone


sorry i haven't been back for a while but am still battling on - we are still together (myself and the missus!) and are still working things out. there have been good times and most recently bad times where i have felt really low and badly depressed. sometimes these are triggered by specific things like feeling rejected and sometimes they just come out of nowhere. i'm still panicking about finding work as i've not worked for 3 months now and am worriied about explaining things when i go to interviews. another worry is that i have to go see the incapacity benefit people for an interview to assess if i'm really unwell enough not to be working. i'm 3 sessions into a CBT course and am still on lofepramine, which is the real reason for the post i guess. has anyone else taken lofepramine ? i've been taking it for nearly 3 months now and don't really seem to feel any better ... i'm not sure is it's working or just taking the edge off what might be a much deeper depression. does anyone have any experience of this drug ?