smbljb
21-04-08, 12:11
Hi All
This is my first post on the forum and really just wanted some sort of advice. My story is this:
In Jan this year I left the UK to work abroad, leaving my wife and kids to sell the house and join me later on. After being there a few weeks I started to struggle with the job and started having panicky episodes. I'm not sure of these were panic attacks but would involve me kind of 'freezing', where I would just kind of stop, sometimes for hours and my mind would race. This happenned once at work where I sat in front of the computer trembling all day, afraid to speak to anyone and not getting anything done. This got worse over the weeks and I started hiding my feelings from my wife and then my father in law came over as he was worried about me. When he got there I wasn't even sure he was there and had to do stupid things like check is his razor was in the bathroom to prove he was there. He left after a week and I felt a little bit better about things and then started to slide again, not sleeping and not eating. I started to feel like I wasn't really there and wasn't in control of anything, work got worse and I found I couldn't cope at all and really started to get scared. At weekend I would just wash and iron my clothes and sit in the flat all day, speak to my wife and tell her verything was ok and then go back to staring at the wall. I was smoking 60 a day and drinking 2 bottles of wine to try and sleep. When I did sleep I would wake after a few hours and then lie awake all night. This went on for nearly 4 weeks before I decided I had to get home and flew back to the UK. I was also having reals problems with disassociation, where I was constantly doubting myself, my decisions and couldn't even watch TV as I had problems understanding it.
I went to see a doctor and he prescribed diazepam and then a week later put me on lofepramine and ucerax. I'm due to see a counsellor next week but don't really know where to start. We have mountains of debt now as we couldn't sell our house and my wife is heartbroken that I ruined our dream. I'm not working and don't feel like I'd get through and interview (I'm a software developer and have been doing it for 7 years).
What's scary is that all sorts of skeletons seem to be coming out of the closet and I think that the problem might have been around for a long while and then the events of the last few months simpley pushed me over the edge.
I'm sorry for the long rambling post - there is lots more to get through but I was wondering id anyone could help or shed light on the feelings I have.
Thanks
Steve
This is my first post on the forum and really just wanted some sort of advice. My story is this:
In Jan this year I left the UK to work abroad, leaving my wife and kids to sell the house and join me later on. After being there a few weeks I started to struggle with the job and started having panicky episodes. I'm not sure of these were panic attacks but would involve me kind of 'freezing', where I would just kind of stop, sometimes for hours and my mind would race. This happenned once at work where I sat in front of the computer trembling all day, afraid to speak to anyone and not getting anything done. This got worse over the weeks and I started hiding my feelings from my wife and then my father in law came over as he was worried about me. When he got there I wasn't even sure he was there and had to do stupid things like check is his razor was in the bathroom to prove he was there. He left after a week and I felt a little bit better about things and then started to slide again, not sleeping and not eating. I started to feel like I wasn't really there and wasn't in control of anything, work got worse and I found I couldn't cope at all and really started to get scared. At weekend I would just wash and iron my clothes and sit in the flat all day, speak to my wife and tell her verything was ok and then go back to staring at the wall. I was smoking 60 a day and drinking 2 bottles of wine to try and sleep. When I did sleep I would wake after a few hours and then lie awake all night. This went on for nearly 4 weeks before I decided I had to get home and flew back to the UK. I was also having reals problems with disassociation, where I was constantly doubting myself, my decisions and couldn't even watch TV as I had problems understanding it.
I went to see a doctor and he prescribed diazepam and then a week later put me on lofepramine and ucerax. I'm due to see a counsellor next week but don't really know where to start. We have mountains of debt now as we couldn't sell our house and my wife is heartbroken that I ruined our dream. I'm not working and don't feel like I'd get through and interview (I'm a software developer and have been doing it for 7 years).
What's scary is that all sorts of skeletons seem to be coming out of the closet and I think that the problem might have been around for a long while and then the events of the last few months simpley pushed me over the edge.
I'm sorry for the long rambling post - there is lots more to get through but I was wondering id anyone could help or shed light on the feelings I have.
Thanks
Steve