Yet another DP

[Jan]

Hi my name is Janine.

I have always been prone to panic attacks since 13. And always felt that I was different. I felt more aware of what why and who. Like a few other people I have noticed. Things got more weird after I had my son in 2002. I have three children aged 12, 7 and 2. I lost two children one in 1996 from a brain tumour and a 21wk miscarriage in 2000. Things had been ticking over then last November I had the most aggressive panic attack ever after having vertigo for three months. Ever since I have felt out of it and not with the world. I have lost all sense of time and months and years even. I cant be bothered to get up get washed dressed etc. My kids are suffering I feel really awful and want it to go away and for me to be back to normal. I love my children and husband but cant show them. I feel so detached from everything . I also have bad tinitus as well. Oh hello can anything else go wrong!![}:)]


Janine

[seh1980]

Welcome!! :)

It sounds like you have had some very rough times in your life so it is no wonder that you suffer from panic attacks. Everyone here is very friendly and I'm sure you will receive loads of support. I look forward to getting to know you better.

Sarah :D

[nomorepanic]

Hi Janine

Wow you have a lot going on there don't you.

The best place to start with all this is with Meg's post called "First Steps". (www.nomorepanic.co.uk/firststeps.htm)

Secondly try reading some of the posts on here and some of the pages on the website.

Things can get better but sometimes it is hard work.

Are you on any meds or getting any sort of CBT/counselling?

Hope we can be of some help to you.

Nicola

[della]

hello janine

welcome to the site...i can certainly sympathize with you having vertigo and tinitus...i have both of these the vertigo only occassionly but the tinitus all the time....have you been given any tests for the vertigo...it could be that you have a condition known as menieres which affects the balance and is easily treated with some meds....if you are feeling out of it it could be that your balance is not all that good, .....it is very scary but can be controled easily...you dont say how you feel....another thing that will definatley help with the tinitus is a MASKER which is like a hearing aid but it makes white noise ...similar to the sound of the sea..it is small so it cannot be seen...your GP may be able to get this sorted out for you.

i hope this helps

take care

della[8D]

[kairen]

hi janine,

i cant even begin to understand feel. what you have been through those last few years, i just hope you do get some comfort from this site, there are some great people here and there is always someone to listen and give advice, my thoughts are with you and hope you do find some peace take care feel free to PM me anytime xxx

kairen x

[Longie]

hi Janine

i can relate to some of how you feel.
i think i had panics as a child, but they really started when i too lost a baby at 21 wks pregnant.
it was 10 yrs ago but something that will always remain with me.
we did not receive counselling at the time, but i am in counselling at the moment and my counsellor has suggested i try bereavement counselling

here to help if you need us.

Jane

[sal]

Hi Jan

Life has been so cruel to you and i cant imagine what you have been through. You have done really well and any support i can offer i will.

You have done so well so far and i am proud of how well you have coped.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[jude]

Hello Janine,

I too suffer from DP and have posted many times on the subject. Please look up my posts for some comfort.
I can understand exactly how you feel my love. I have lost two babies. One miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy. My youngest daughter was born at 27 weeks gestation weighing 1lb 14oz. She was on life support for 3 months and oxygen dependant for 6. It was the worst experience of my life. Thankfully she survived and is now almost 6 years old. She was finally given a clean bill of health last summer....that is when I got ill!
These experiences in our lives build up and eventually cause massive anxiety and panic.
Im sure you will find lots of help and support here. It seems to me that you,like myself, have already experienced all that panic and anxiety can throw at you. Time now to work on recovery. I, like everyone else, will be here to help you.
Take care
Jude x

[Jan]

Hi All
Thanks for all the advice and help. Still feel awful. If I could get my feelings around the days back it would be so much better. I could feel like I could move on. My psychiatrist just says to look on it at an inconveniance but when you cant remember what you did from one day to the next it really is very difficult. I have no emotional attachments with my children and that worries me. Had anyone else had this??

Janine

[Jan]

Hi Della

Thanks for the advice. I have had tinnitus since I was 18 and feel like a real wreck. Once I have sorted the other stuff out I will look into a masker. I will also need a hearing aid at some point due to a dip in my hearing. Feel like a complete wreck now. LOL

Janine

[Karen]

Hi Janine

Welcome to the forum.

You'll get some good help and support here.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[sal]

Hi Jan

After what you have been through it must be hard to show emotional attachment. I know you love then by what you have said but you must always have that fear of losing someone in the back of your mind and this will have built a barrier up. By telling them and showing how you feel wont lead to this happening hon, you need to believe in yourself, then show them how much you care. It wont be easy but sometimes i think we do detach ourselves from people, so that if we lose them it wont hurt as much, but we need to remember that these people love us and it is only fair that we show it in return.

You take care.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[dove]

hi jan welcome to the site. sorry you had such a bad time . i am sure you will get lots of help here

dove x x

[Jan]

Hi all
I would loke to say that I wished that I had found this site years ago. It is wonderful to have so much support from everyone. Thank you all for your kind words Ihope that I can make some lifelong friends here.

A few more things about myself.bore bore. I am a 34 yr old housewife. I used to enjoy going to the gym before my life fell apart. I recently was given a reiki 1 attunement from my mum with the hope that it would help me. If any of you live in the Ilford Essex area then please let me know it would be great to get together and share woes and support. I feel very isolated at the moment as I have a fear of going out much. I have started taking my daughter back to dancing but even this is difficult. Getting out of bed is difficult. I feel like whats the point I am only going to feel like #@*?. I can't be bothered to get washed and dressed and feel sorry for my kids as they havent done anything over the holes because I am too wrapped up in myself. This just isnt me. I am normally so outgoing and up for a laugh I feel like I have been possessed. Not knowing days and things and feeling like my future has disappeared is disabling me more. If I could get that back then I know that I could with support get the rest back into gear. I have been on 4 anti depressants and am now on venlafaxine 150mg which doesnt seem to be doing anything. I lived with my mum for three months with my little boy. It was not good. I deserted my two girls and my husband. When they came to visit it was like they were strangers. I felt so out of it. Still do to some extent.

The major panic started 25Nov for no reason had felt great the day before. Went to my dr he just gave me anti depressants. Then they hadnt subsided on my little boys birthday and I ended up going to my mums. I deserted my little boy on his birthday. Then my parents brought me back but I was no better. Had a massive panic the day they were due to go home and ended up going back with them. Came back for Xmas but ended back there Xmas day. i deserted my family again.i lost all sense of time and things around xmas. I went to my dr again and he said I had classic depressive symtoms. Even when I told him that you could tell me it is monday when it was Tuesday I would beleive you he didnt send me for further tests. What is it about these drs. You go to them feeling like your going out of your mind and they just label you.
Feel awful and so guilty about this. i know that when it happens you cant help it but I have always been the strong one of the family and can't cope with being the weak one. Just wish it would go away and I can get my life back. Feel very aware of my own mortality!!

Sorry for the essay just feeling like I need to get a few more things off my chest.
Thanks for all the support everyone. I hope this didnt put you to sleep.

Janine

[Meg]

Hi Jan ,

Did you grieve about the miscarriages or talk about them a lot ?? This may well be partly a delayed shock reaction.

Venlaflaxine and indeed all SSRI's can give you this emotional empty feeling and make you feel totally disattached.
I would suggest you challenge the empiness by doing things that would in the past have evoked emotional responses - a tear jerker movie, a comedy, going out to the countryside, an old nostalgic momento / letter from a friend. You get the idea ..

Find a quiet few hours and get a blank notepad and write and write and write. Scribble down anything and everything that comes to mind. Don't set out with anything in mind at all - it will flow

This takes time and patience along with self help of :

Deep relaxation - yoga helped me tremendously when I was acute- relaxation CD , meditation, sitting with nature, lavender anything.

Learn to abdominally breath to enhance well being and calmness

Regular nutritious food and plenty of water to drink.

A vit B complex a day

Good sleep

A few Reiki sessions - an atunement is ok for the future but just for now you just need to get a few sessions from her - to just receive energy and healing and not need to put in any energy yourself.

Massage, aromatherapy

Masses of distraction - menial tasks if thats all you can do - spring cleaning will do nicely

Get out of the house: Having DP does not mean you cannot go out for a walk or out for a quick trip the shops. It may feel terrible but you can still sort of function and you will not faint. If you were going to you would have by now . By avoiding going out you are encouraging agoraphobia to set in.

Exercise: up and down stairs and a walk will do every day.

If you're open to it you could contemplate having an aura and meridian balance too. Its not everyones cup of tea I know.

Aspen/ cherry plum and rock rose Bach remedies as well as rescue remedy.

Positive affirmations along positive thoughts with the belief it will dissipate.

And acceptance that this is how you are today and its ok to be like this temporarily. You've had it for several weeks and nothing dire either has happened or will happen as you can see from everyone elses experiences so have a big sigh , lower your shoulders and either have a good cry or force a smile - it will be ok and it will pass.











Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[linjane]

Oh Jan, I don't know where to start or what to say to you to help. I have been through some of the things you have and please PM me if want to talk. I don't live near to you, I am in Wolverhampton, but I am here for you if you need me and if I can help. I am sure you have replied to one of my posts and I am sorry I have not replied to your post sooner, I never seem to get much time to go through everything on here, there is so much, it is such a wonderful place.

I have to go to work now, I should have left by now really, but I will be in touch later. Please take care of yourself, you have been through such a lot and it is no wonder you are feeling how you are.
Love,
Linda.x

[zena]

Jan,

Just reading your post.

Youv'e been through quite abit haven't you.

It's a pity but I have just recently moved from Romford to Wales...could have got together.

There is a phobic group actually that are at the Cardinal Heenan Centre down Ilford. They have drop in centres all over the place.
It was called phobic action but it's now called Anxiety Care. Think there number is in the Thompson Directly.

Sounds as though your Doctor doesn't know how to handle depression or berevment. Can you get hold of the Practice nurse at all maybe she can help.
Don't give up though. You have to stay positive.
Does your hubby support you. It always helps if he does.
Keep your chin up girl. If I can help in anyway just e-mail me or if you want to call then by all means.

Stay Positive honey. I know its easy to say and hard to do, but, you have to!
Take care.

with good wishes

Zena

[nomorepanic]

Jan

Meg has some fab advise there - think I could do with some of those things she mentions too!

We are here if you want to off-load atall.

I know you feel dreadful but if you start with little steps it will get easier.

For starters get up and dressed each day and if possible just a few steps around the garden and get some fresh air in the house. The weather is picking up now so it isn't too cold out there.

Good luck and we are here whenever you need support.

Nicola

[sue1]

Hi Jan
I am sorry to hear about all you have been through. I too have had miscarriages, seven altogether throughout the 80's and 90's. I had nobody really to talk to after as im not that close to my family and didn't want to talk to strangers. Over the years though i wished i had had some sort of councelling as i changed as a person and find it really hard to show my feelings etc. Have you had any councelling? If not i would really recommend it as i think it would probably help you alot and might make you feel better in yourself.
On the brighter side i now have 5 daughters 13,11,9,6 and 5. The older 2 had heart problems when they were born and were in birminghams childrens hospital for six weeks but they are doing ok now.
But i really think that not being able to show your husband and children love could be that you are still suffering from losing your two children.
Anyway good luck for the future and if you want to talk please get in touch.
sue

[Jan]

Dear all

Thanks for all the kind words. Things seem to be getting worse. The dP is really bad and I am so fed up of not being able to anticipate a future and remember things. It is so difficult and my husband is really fed up with listening to me. I am frightened that I have lost my instinct where the children are concerned and will never get it back. I have had enough! If I had the courage I would just end it all. I cannot live like this and to not have complete support from my husband and to let down my children it is breaking my heart. I really dont know what to do. If it was just panic I could cope. I have done for so long but this is alien I dont see a way out. how can the days be lost and my future just not seem to exist in my mind. Why does this happen. I have really had enough.

Janine

[zena]

Jan,

Go back to your doctor sweetheart and get the help you need.

I'm so sorry that I don't live near you so I could come round and help.

I can't understand all you have been through but there are people on this site that have, maybe give them an e-mail and see if they can give you help.

Get in touch honey if only for a chat....


with good wishes

Zena