feel a failure due to panic

[mandie]

Hi

After having another panic attack on friday last week, i saw my gp who has signed me off for a week.

However yesterday i went into work because i want to try and face this, and i felt by taking time off i mite make the situation worse.

I got in and went upstairs and worked on my own in a room. I didnt feel to bad and for the first few hours i was coping

Then i got asked to come down and do some dictation cause secretary was off.

I went into the doctors room downstairs(i work in a medical centre) and started to take notes.

After a few minutes i started to think wot if i have an attack in his room in front of him. I started to feel the panic starting and then my heart started to beat fast, i got lightheaded and thought here we go again.

I excused myself and said i dont feel good i be back in a bit. I went ustairs to calm myself down and after a few minutes i was ok.

I then went in to see the doctor upstairs and told her what had happened. I gave her my doctors certificate and told her i wont be in the rest of the week.

I feel a failure now. I feel by taking time off its gonna make the situation worse when i have to go back. However i cant face how the place is making me feel when i am there. I dont even no why i have the attacks at work.

I wish i knew why they were happening. i have had anxiety for about 5 years but only recently the panic attacks have got so bad.

I am starting cbt group therapy next week, which im hoping will help but how
am i gonna go back to work?

I feel so embarassed that colleagues have seen me like this

Sorry this is so long, im just so upset and dont no how to cope

love mandie x

[popsy]

awww mandie sweetie, it isnt the work place you are fearing its the attacks themselves, some time to get yourself together is a good idea at home..... i cant be much use to you at the moment as im feeling so bad myself, all i can do is send you a massive hug :bighug1: and say that up until recently the attacks werent this bad, therefore you have fought it before and can fight it again, its all we can all do babe.

Take some time to yourself and relax and think things through, ive just downloaded claire weeks stuff to listen too, it might help, try it!!!!

http://www.controllinganxiety.com/dsp_downloads.php

Its the 3rd section with 4 parts.
:hugs: xxx

[mandie]

Aww thanks, i no u are suffering to

Iv just gone into work to pick my wages up but they are not ready so im distrcting myself upstairs by being on this site

love mandie x

[milly jones]

hiya,

i suffer form anxiety at work too so ur not alone lovely

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

i find it hard to talk to people. i've been signed off at moment while medication changes, but i understand about feeling a failure.

I struggled on until i realised that ur health is more important than what people think, and that was a huge learning curve for me.

hopefully i'll go back soon and see how it goes.

As to cbt, i've done that and it certainly helps u undertstand whats happening and gives u the skills to modify ur behaviour.

good luck and keep in touch,

milly xxx :)

[popsy]

well done for even being in the office mandie, that in itself is such an achievement, remember that! U r v brave xxxxxx

[Blaise]

Yeah,
Work is hard isnt it. I am in meetings all the time and cant handle them, its dirves me insane, but i guess you have to believe that you know what it is and that it will pass. Telling people helps i have found. xx

[doodah]

Hiya mandie,

I was going to type a reply but think I'd be saying exactly the same as Popsy has said! Download the Claire Weekes stuff if you can, it really does help. Being off work will hopefully give you time to understand why you're having these panics and hopefully do something about it - also, I'm sure the CBT will help you.

I work part time from home as a website manager but have to go to a meeting for an hour tomorrow and have already started thinking "oh gawd - I hope I don't start feeling 'funny'!". I'm going to have another listen to Claire Weekes (well a few listens) before my meeting at 2 tomorrow!!!!

Wendy xxxxxxxxx

[mandie]

Thank you all for your replies, it means alot to have such supportive people.

love mandie x