thevoicewithinme
30-04-08, 15:43
As most of you know, over 12 years ago I was housebound for 7 years with agrophobia, but conquered it. In the last 8/9 weeks however, my panic attacks have returned and once again I find myself becoming agrophobic. I do go out, but not alone, and the furthest distance I have travelled since being like this has been the school run (couple of mins drive) and that in itself has been a big struggle.
Saturday evening, my boyfriend and I talked, in fact was a very indepth conversation, and I actually listened (truly took in his words) to what he was saying and listened to his fears as well.
Sunday I awoke with a different attitude. I felt a lot more positive, and more determined than ever to beat this agrophobia. Sunday evening, my boyfriend came with me while I drove the car, and we were out for 1hr 15 mins..no big deal to some maybe...but to me that was a huge thing to do..but I did it..without having a panic attack.
Monday, I took the boys to school, felt fine, lunchtime I drove to the shop, was ok...picked boys up from school that afternoon and again was fine. My mood was definately beginning to lift..felt as though I was on a high.
Tuesday, exactly the same as Monday...sailed through everything, even drove to the Meat Packers and brought something nice for tea. Maybe also,starting to feel maybe a little bit too over confident?
This morning, I drove the boys to school...perfect! Got out the car, walked about 10 feet from the car and BANG! My head was spinning, I felt faint and absolutely terrified, wanted to get straight back in the car and go home. I did turn towards the car, even opened the door, but instead of getting in, I took a hard boiled sweet (always have a supply in the car) put it in my mouth and thought to myself, 'The boys have got to go in school, concentrate on the sweet and you will be fine' Stupid the thoughts we get eh?? But it worked.
I then had a doctors appointment this morning, which my boyfriends sister came with me, and the doctor has said that I most definately need to see a counsellor, and she is hardly surprised my panic attacks have come back considering everything that has happened in my life over the last 2 years.
Had to fill in some kind of questionaire too to see if I am depressed or not, but to be honest I dont think I am...well will find that out next week when I go back and see her again.
After coming out of the doctors, I said to my boyfriends sister that I feel like going for a drive, and she said fine...so with me driving I headed off in the car....and found myself at my boyfriends work 12 miles away. The smile on his face when he saw me said it all, he was so proud of me for driving there and I have to admit was pretty chuffed with myself too.
I have also today been to the City Dog's Home, and have come away from there with a reservation on a dog, and am awaiting a home visit (which will pass no problem). I am a great pet lover, and I am hoping that by having a dog, it will make it easier for me to go out as I know the dog will need walking.
I guess my question is, am I making progress? Or am I just on a lucky streak? I know this may sound weird, but I am so trying to convince myself that I can do this, that I can beat it again. Is it normal also for my head to feel kind of weird, it like everything in my head is on fast forward, kind of hard to explain I know, but like everything I am thinking is going full speed, is this my way of coping? Also each time I come back home from I have the most awful thumping headache...is this tension?
Sorry to go on yet again.
Kaz
Saturday evening, my boyfriend and I talked, in fact was a very indepth conversation, and I actually listened (truly took in his words) to what he was saying and listened to his fears as well.
Sunday I awoke with a different attitude. I felt a lot more positive, and more determined than ever to beat this agrophobia. Sunday evening, my boyfriend came with me while I drove the car, and we were out for 1hr 15 mins..no big deal to some maybe...but to me that was a huge thing to do..but I did it..without having a panic attack.
Monday, I took the boys to school, felt fine, lunchtime I drove to the shop, was ok...picked boys up from school that afternoon and again was fine. My mood was definately beginning to lift..felt as though I was on a high.
Tuesday, exactly the same as Monday...sailed through everything, even drove to the Meat Packers and brought something nice for tea. Maybe also,starting to feel maybe a little bit too over confident?
This morning, I drove the boys to school...perfect! Got out the car, walked about 10 feet from the car and BANG! My head was spinning, I felt faint and absolutely terrified, wanted to get straight back in the car and go home. I did turn towards the car, even opened the door, but instead of getting in, I took a hard boiled sweet (always have a supply in the car) put it in my mouth and thought to myself, 'The boys have got to go in school, concentrate on the sweet and you will be fine' Stupid the thoughts we get eh?? But it worked.
I then had a doctors appointment this morning, which my boyfriends sister came with me, and the doctor has said that I most definately need to see a counsellor, and she is hardly surprised my panic attacks have come back considering everything that has happened in my life over the last 2 years.
Had to fill in some kind of questionaire too to see if I am depressed or not, but to be honest I dont think I am...well will find that out next week when I go back and see her again.
After coming out of the doctors, I said to my boyfriends sister that I feel like going for a drive, and she said fine...so with me driving I headed off in the car....and found myself at my boyfriends work 12 miles away. The smile on his face when he saw me said it all, he was so proud of me for driving there and I have to admit was pretty chuffed with myself too.
I have also today been to the City Dog's Home, and have come away from there with a reservation on a dog, and am awaiting a home visit (which will pass no problem). I am a great pet lover, and I am hoping that by having a dog, it will make it easier for me to go out as I know the dog will need walking.
I guess my question is, am I making progress? Or am I just on a lucky streak? I know this may sound weird, but I am so trying to convince myself that I can do this, that I can beat it again. Is it normal also for my head to feel kind of weird, it like everything in my head is on fast forward, kind of hard to explain I know, but like everything I am thinking is going full speed, is this my way of coping? Also each time I come back home from I have the most awful thumping headache...is this tension?
Sorry to go on yet again.
Kaz