cbr600r3
30-04-08, 23:02
First off hi there to all you readers :blush:.
I've had this problem now for just over 2 years and really starting to pev me off a little. I'm happy to go all out, because hopefully i can't be identified.
I'm a bloke in his early twenties and i've been suffering acute panic attacks. Some lasting no longer than forty minutes others lasting up to nine hours. I've had a fairly rough childhood (5 - 13yo). No sexual abuse, but more than my lifetimes worth of physical/psychological abuse from a still imprisioned :curse: of a step-father :nicked:.
I had a break in a hospital and a nurse ('Beril', where ever you are now i probably owe my life to you, thank you from the brim of my heart), read a few pages of a diary I was taking. Soon I was in foster care ,then finally returned to my father when i was 14. Things have been up and up from then.
I joined the military at 16 and have now a good steady life. As soon as i was 17 i did my 125cc motorcycle test and bought with my own money my first motorbike. Everyone on my dad's side of the family has done so for, now four generations :). I've had a few more bikes since then and had a few crashes.
Now none of the first 3 minor ( no bones broken ) crashes afftected me much. However, my last crash was at 110mph (yes i was being stupid, taking advantage of an end of night shift run home). This crash didn't break bones, but i cracked most of my ribs ( landed in a grass field luckily ) and dislocated my shoulder. I took the next 2 weeks off with my own leave...
I had the usual 'I really don't want to see another motorbike again' feeling for a week, but it past and i've now upgraded to a bigger bike again, which I've not crashed for just over 2 years (touch wood).
That day however, was the day the Panic Attacks came and stayed :mad:. Now I'm afraid that if I tell any Doctor:
1) I'll have to quit my job
2) Get medically down-graded - thus making me inapt to work...
3) Be the laughing stock of the camp - because my records I know aren't held in confidence. (They suspected me as epileptic, after a heat stoke long story short) banter soon came out quick.
I'm also afraid of telling my family, as they spent alot of time getting me back and have plenty to worry about other than me. I know they love me, but i can't just trust anyone even if they are family as i've learnt.
Although I have acute attacks. They only come once a week and i can normally keep it visably under control ( i.e hide in the toilet via dodgey food in the mess syndrome :whistles:). Most happen when i'm in my block, but rare occasions happen at work.
I've also spent over 300 days out of area in sandy places and never have the problem out there :shrug:. My life back in the UK is slow and i find that having loads on my plate can actually stop me having Attacks. I bury myself in work as much as i can without being a 'sniffer'. My skill in my hobbies has increased loads aswell.
However, my social life/skills are almost none existant and human contact outside of work is very very rare unless you count cashiers :winks:. I would blame my troubled childhood for not being able to make out of work girl/friends, but i know better that it is me just having little to no motivation outside of work...
I don't expect anything in response to this post, but it feels like a load albeit a small one has been lifted.
Thankyou for reading and i bare you a farewell.
I've had this problem now for just over 2 years and really starting to pev me off a little. I'm happy to go all out, because hopefully i can't be identified.
I'm a bloke in his early twenties and i've been suffering acute panic attacks. Some lasting no longer than forty minutes others lasting up to nine hours. I've had a fairly rough childhood (5 - 13yo). No sexual abuse, but more than my lifetimes worth of physical/psychological abuse from a still imprisioned :curse: of a step-father :nicked:.
I had a break in a hospital and a nurse ('Beril', where ever you are now i probably owe my life to you, thank you from the brim of my heart), read a few pages of a diary I was taking. Soon I was in foster care ,then finally returned to my father when i was 14. Things have been up and up from then.
I joined the military at 16 and have now a good steady life. As soon as i was 17 i did my 125cc motorcycle test and bought with my own money my first motorbike. Everyone on my dad's side of the family has done so for, now four generations :). I've had a few more bikes since then and had a few crashes.
Now none of the first 3 minor ( no bones broken ) crashes afftected me much. However, my last crash was at 110mph (yes i was being stupid, taking advantage of an end of night shift run home). This crash didn't break bones, but i cracked most of my ribs ( landed in a grass field luckily ) and dislocated my shoulder. I took the next 2 weeks off with my own leave...
I had the usual 'I really don't want to see another motorbike again' feeling for a week, but it past and i've now upgraded to a bigger bike again, which I've not crashed for just over 2 years (touch wood).
That day however, was the day the Panic Attacks came and stayed :mad:. Now I'm afraid that if I tell any Doctor:
1) I'll have to quit my job
2) Get medically down-graded - thus making me inapt to work...
3) Be the laughing stock of the camp - because my records I know aren't held in confidence. (They suspected me as epileptic, after a heat stoke long story short) banter soon came out quick.
I'm also afraid of telling my family, as they spent alot of time getting me back and have plenty to worry about other than me. I know they love me, but i can't just trust anyone even if they are family as i've learnt.
Although I have acute attacks. They only come once a week and i can normally keep it visably under control ( i.e hide in the toilet via dodgey food in the mess syndrome :whistles:). Most happen when i'm in my block, but rare occasions happen at work.
I've also spent over 300 days out of area in sandy places and never have the problem out there :shrug:. My life back in the UK is slow and i find that having loads on my plate can actually stop me having Attacks. I bury myself in work as much as i can without being a 'sniffer'. My skill in my hobbies has increased loads aswell.
However, my social life/skills are almost none existant and human contact outside of work is very very rare unless you count cashiers :winks:. I would blame my troubled childhood for not being able to make out of work girl/friends, but i know better that it is me just having little to no motivation outside of work...
I don't expect anything in response to this post, but it feels like a load albeit a small one has been lifted.
Thankyou for reading and i bare you a farewell.