Tiny Sue
03-04-05, 16:32
Okay - this is an abbreviated version of the story because I just lost the whole lot because I'd forgotten to put in a topic! AAARGH[Oops!]
Here's the deal.
Suffered from general anxiety for many years (scary thoughts playing and replaying in my head until I was angry with everyone for interrupting my spiral of self hatred). My father suggested I get help and I did because anything, even the horrible "stigma" (silly me) of having psychiatric help would have been better than the way I felt at the time.
After nine or ten chats with the behavioural therapist I felt strong enough to "stride down there and light my own light" as I've seen in one or two of the signatures around here. So I did. The thoughts were still there but I was down to one or two incidences a year and was doing very well.
Then a lot of stuff happened. My mother died and my father started dating fairly soon (like a year) afterwards, but confessed to having had adulterous thoughts and feelings (hmmm I wonder do we suffer from the same thing) about a niece of my mothers for many years. He had never done anything about it though. I had an intense relationship that lasted for two years with a guy who turned out to be married and didn't tell me. He went back to his wife and child and left me high and dry. I began to lose weight (about 25lbs) and overexercise in an effort to blot all this out.
However good stuff happened too and I got a masters degree, bought a house and kept the payments up, and eventually met a wonderful man (about three years ago now). We were married in October. Problem is, before the wedding I went through about 10 weeks of anxiety, almost calling the whole thing off 2 weeks beforehand because the thoughts and fears that are normal before marriage had blown themselves out of all proportion.
I wasn't sure I was marrying my husband because I loved him or because I was running away from all that had happened and needed somewhere safe, like running away from that disastrous relationship and hiding behind this one because I still had unresolved feelings. I was still friendly with cheater boy and his wife, though his wife doesn't know what happened.
We were married though, and I overcame those feelings, and we've been married for a half a year now. Happily, until two weeks ago when a combination of things started me worrying again.
PMT , our decision to have a baby, a visit from the cheat and his family (oh god what if i'm still attracted to him i can't be i can't be i love my husband don't i why do i feel this way i thought that this was all over and if i still think this way maybe im wrong) and the fact that we've both been very busy.
As with the wedding nerves, I talked about it to my husband. As with the wedding nerves, he held me tight, said he understood that I was worrying too much and that he was here for me and that I was worth the wait and that he loves me. And I love him too, so much.
SO
I can't jeopardise my marriage by putting him (or our future children please God) through this every six months. This stops NOW. Learning strategies for coping is why I'm here. I KNOW what the problem is. I just need a help out. Will be starting yoga classes again soon.
Oh, and I suffer from that tight neck and jaw thing too!
I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT
[Yeah!]
Sue
Here's the deal.
Suffered from general anxiety for many years (scary thoughts playing and replaying in my head until I was angry with everyone for interrupting my spiral of self hatred). My father suggested I get help and I did because anything, even the horrible "stigma" (silly me) of having psychiatric help would have been better than the way I felt at the time.
After nine or ten chats with the behavioural therapist I felt strong enough to "stride down there and light my own light" as I've seen in one or two of the signatures around here. So I did. The thoughts were still there but I was down to one or two incidences a year and was doing very well.
Then a lot of stuff happened. My mother died and my father started dating fairly soon (like a year) afterwards, but confessed to having had adulterous thoughts and feelings (hmmm I wonder do we suffer from the same thing) about a niece of my mothers for many years. He had never done anything about it though. I had an intense relationship that lasted for two years with a guy who turned out to be married and didn't tell me. He went back to his wife and child and left me high and dry. I began to lose weight (about 25lbs) and overexercise in an effort to blot all this out.
However good stuff happened too and I got a masters degree, bought a house and kept the payments up, and eventually met a wonderful man (about three years ago now). We were married in October. Problem is, before the wedding I went through about 10 weeks of anxiety, almost calling the whole thing off 2 weeks beforehand because the thoughts and fears that are normal before marriage had blown themselves out of all proportion.
I wasn't sure I was marrying my husband because I loved him or because I was running away from all that had happened and needed somewhere safe, like running away from that disastrous relationship and hiding behind this one because I still had unresolved feelings. I was still friendly with cheater boy and his wife, though his wife doesn't know what happened.
We were married though, and I overcame those feelings, and we've been married for a half a year now. Happily, until two weeks ago when a combination of things started me worrying again.
PMT , our decision to have a baby, a visit from the cheat and his family (oh god what if i'm still attracted to him i can't be i can't be i love my husband don't i why do i feel this way i thought that this was all over and if i still think this way maybe im wrong) and the fact that we've both been very busy.
As with the wedding nerves, I talked about it to my husband. As with the wedding nerves, he held me tight, said he understood that I was worrying too much and that he was here for me and that I was worth the wait and that he loves me. And I love him too, so much.
SO
I can't jeopardise my marriage by putting him (or our future children please God) through this every six months. This stops NOW. Learning strategies for coping is why I'm here. I KNOW what the problem is. I just need a help out. Will be starting yoga classes again soon.
Oh, and I suffer from that tight neck and jaw thing too!
I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT
[Yeah!]
Sue