would like some advice

[overthinkative]

My partner of 1 year suffers with what i think is Anxiety and depression, im finding it hard knowing what to write and want to get myself across fully and hope for some good advice so here goes.

I do talk with my partner about his illness but part of his symtoms are he finds it hard to communicate and get things out but this is what i have learnt about how it started, how he is affected and how long for, i hope some one can give me advice on what i can do and how i can learn to accept this as part of my life and if im doing the right thing. i really want to understand as i love him very much and cant stand seeing him go though the feelings he has.

it started when he was 15, he was smoking weed with his friends and not really doing much with his life he was also going through his parents breaking up, he told me last night that he had a bad reaction once when he was smoking weed and it scared him into stopping, he then started thinking about life and how he felt he had nothing going for him. he then left school a year early as he couldnt cope with going out, he wasnt eating and didnt want to see or interact with anybody and just stayed in his room he was then taken to hosiptal i think this was due to him not eating and his family not knowing what was wrong, i think then his mum took him to the doctor and a counciler, which he didnt want to go to. his doctor put him on a drug called citalopram 10mg. and since has had episodes of depression where he wont want to do anything gets worried about what people are thinking of him and feels useless, these episodes can last for a day or i think the longest is a year he tells me he feels like he is in a black hole and cant get out and cant see his life going past that day. when he is not having an episode he is so lively doesnt stop singing and being silly loves going to work but he is still affected in everyday life like he is always worried about what other people think, he is very shy around people he doesnt know and a decision i wouldnt think twice about he will deawl on it for ages and think about it over and over again. his last episode was about 3 weeks ago and this was the second one i had experienced with him and this showed me how badly he was affected it was horrible the worst two weeks of my life i felt every feeling possible, it started when we losted his grandad suddenly, i was worried about my partner going into depression but he told me he would be fine and something like that would not set off an episode then a week later we got our flat through and a few bills and booked a holiday and i started to notice a difference in him but he always told me he hated people asking him if he was ok all the time so i tried my hardest not to make anything of it and i think it all got to much for him to cope with and it was also my 21st birthday coming up, he didnt want to go to his grandads funeral cos he didnt know what to wear, he was explaining all these differnt thing to me at once and i was so confused and the main thing was he could make any desicions like weather he wanted me to stay with him or give him space, weather he wanted to eat of not, weather he wanted to go to his grandads funural, i was trying so hard to help i found myself getting annoyed at him, worried about him and it hurt so much watching him go through this and it felt like everything i was trying to do his mum was undoing and i had my own feelings to cope with as we are expecting a little girl in july.he ended up coming out the other end and is now back to normal we just got back off a relaxing holiday and are sorting out the flat. i still feel so confused about what happend and am so scared for the next time and i know we didnt deal with it propley and i have so many question that he cant answer like what is it that is wrong with him because i see there are so many different types of depression ect and is he gonna be like this forever and will he pass it on, will he have an episode when the baby is born how will i cope alone how can i take care of him and our baby, am i saying the right things to him or am i gonna start him off if i say the wrong thing why cant he be ok how do i convince him im not going to leave him is there worse to come what if he cant work how will we pay the bills and feed our baby, what are his tablets and what do they do how can tablets make you happy. sorry if its a bit confusing i hope someone can make sence of my thoughts a feelings i would really love someone to talk to about all this and some help so my email if any can is

[milly jones]

oh hun,

im a sufferer so praps not the best person to give any advice, but u are in the right place here.

there are lots of people on here who will have really good advice to help you.

there are carers on here too that support their partners.

im so glad uve come on here as my partner does not understand and chooses not to understand.

its great that u have empathy to learn to try and help him,

all the best hun and good luck in ur search for answers,

milly xx

[marie1974]

hiya and welcome, one thing i will say that my counsellor told me is you cant be your partners therapist as you are too close it wont work and i think mayb thats what you are trying to do, even thought you love him and want to help him, i think he needs counselling which takes long time through docs or privately which cost around 40 pound per session or something like mind charity or other charities for depression and anxiety, i find myself keeping busy is best thing and i walk every day brisk walking for atleast hour and it has halved my dep and anxiety and alot of people say this too. also it made me more motivated, happy, postive and i lost weight too, at first he will be knackered all the time but after a few weeks if he keeps it up he will feel so much better and loads energy honestly, i hope this has helped alittle as its hard on both sides hugs xxxxx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi,

First of all congratulations on your soon to be new arrival. My advice is you can't solve his problems for him. You also can't worry yourself to death over the "what ifs" either. I agree with the above statement that perhaps he needs professional help and perhaps medication for a brief time. None of us know what is really going on with him and that is why he needs to seek out some doctor's help, if not for himself, for the arrival of the new baby. You honestly can't take care of all three of your needs. There is such a thing as support and caregiver but you can't be all things to him either. I do hope he gets the help he needs and that things calm down for both of you.

Many hugs,

Laura

[chalky]

Hi Overthinkative,

What a powerful post you have written.
You must look after yourself and the baby first.
You can educate yourself about mental health issues and medication here too.
Your partner can learn to face his problems and deal with them here.
He will be given lots of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky