need some buddies
02-05-08, 17:16
Hello out there!
I'm 36, live in cheshire and new to all of this. Was wondering if anyone could help me. I would love to make some new friends as I'm finding it hard to come to terms with splitting up with my boyfriend of 19 years. I am currently seeing a counsellor to help me move on and a joint counsellor to deal with the moving on from a relationship.
I enjoy shopping, gossiping/chatting, walking/activity breaks, running but strugglying to get back into this at the moment because of my pain and grief.
I need to get out more and enjoy myself but with only a handful of good friends I'm not really getting out and would love to make some more. I find it too difficult to do things on my own as it really hurts.
My boyfriend of 19 years left me 5 months ago but 2 months ago he said it just wasn't working out and that he'd made his mind up that he wanted out. We are living apart, I'm in the house alone we bought together which is up for sale and Stuart is renting in another town. We have no kids. Stuart was fed up with us arguing and rowing all the time but the problem was that I didn't realise how bad it had become. The rows were usually me taking him for granted and showing no respect. He has made it completely clear that he won't be coming back (there is no one else involved) and that I must move on with my life.
Unfortunately I've realised now how much I loved him and how good life was now it's all too late. I miss absolutely everything about him. I have tried to make Stuart realise that I have changed and now see him in a new light as my problem was that I'd got stuck in a rut with life and didn't realise what I had and how fortunate I was. It's been life changing and I honestly now do see how fortunate I was and what I had. But nothing will make him change his mind. He has moved on.
Stuart is trying to put more space between us and not meet up as much, I've said I can deal with us being friends because I enjoy his company and it's better than nothing. He finds it commpletely stressful when we meet up because I inenvitably cry and suggest ways to get back together or ask questions about any possible future for us. He enjoys my company and we do get on but he has moved on and as soon as I mention us as a couple he gets stressed out and I inevitably cry again. So Stuart sees us as still arguing. We do enjoy each other's company and when the conversation is bubbly and relaxed we get on just fine but this isn't enough for Stuart to come back to me as he says he is emotionally scarred from the stress and arguments and can't get that out of his head. Stuart has made it clear that if we do meet up it can only be the case if I can handle us just being friends. I find that hard because it can be so good. We are still best of friends.
The only shot I've got of a future on my own or possible with Stuart (when we've got our own separate houses) is that I need to get stronger and create a life for myself.
I really would love to meet up with people, make some new friends. I can be good company and not cry all the time, honestly! Just would love to start living and get away from this grief that I'm in.
Thanks so much for taking the time out!
Tricia
x
I'm 36, live in cheshire and new to all of this. Was wondering if anyone could help me. I would love to make some new friends as I'm finding it hard to come to terms with splitting up with my boyfriend of 19 years. I am currently seeing a counsellor to help me move on and a joint counsellor to deal with the moving on from a relationship.
I enjoy shopping, gossiping/chatting, walking/activity breaks, running but strugglying to get back into this at the moment because of my pain and grief.
I need to get out more and enjoy myself but with only a handful of good friends I'm not really getting out and would love to make some more. I find it too difficult to do things on my own as it really hurts.
My boyfriend of 19 years left me 5 months ago but 2 months ago he said it just wasn't working out and that he'd made his mind up that he wanted out. We are living apart, I'm in the house alone we bought together which is up for sale and Stuart is renting in another town. We have no kids. Stuart was fed up with us arguing and rowing all the time but the problem was that I didn't realise how bad it had become. The rows were usually me taking him for granted and showing no respect. He has made it completely clear that he won't be coming back (there is no one else involved) and that I must move on with my life.
Unfortunately I've realised now how much I loved him and how good life was now it's all too late. I miss absolutely everything about him. I have tried to make Stuart realise that I have changed and now see him in a new light as my problem was that I'd got stuck in a rut with life and didn't realise what I had and how fortunate I was. It's been life changing and I honestly now do see how fortunate I was and what I had. But nothing will make him change his mind. He has moved on.
Stuart is trying to put more space between us and not meet up as much, I've said I can deal with us being friends because I enjoy his company and it's better than nothing. He finds it commpletely stressful when we meet up because I inenvitably cry and suggest ways to get back together or ask questions about any possible future for us. He enjoys my company and we do get on but he has moved on and as soon as I mention us as a couple he gets stressed out and I inevitably cry again. So Stuart sees us as still arguing. We do enjoy each other's company and when the conversation is bubbly and relaxed we get on just fine but this isn't enough for Stuart to come back to me as he says he is emotionally scarred from the stress and arguments and can't get that out of his head. Stuart has made it clear that if we do meet up it can only be the case if I can handle us just being friends. I find that hard because it can be so good. We are still best of friends.
The only shot I've got of a future on my own or possible with Stuart (when we've got our own separate houses) is that I need to get stronger and create a life for myself.
I really would love to meet up with people, make some new friends. I can be good company and not cry all the time, honestly! Just would love to start living and get away from this grief that I'm in.
Thanks so much for taking the time out!
Tricia
x