Letting family down?

[tracyp584]

Hey Guys,

Feeling really down today, and also like i'm letting everyone down. As its the easter holidays my 2 kids (6 & 7), are off school. However because my husband worked away last week, the kids didnt really go anywhere as i felt unable to take them further than front door. I just feel that they are missing out on so much as i dont want to go out. My husband is now bak and he too is getting annoyed with me, as today he is suggesting things to do with kids, and all say is" I can't or I don't want to." The things is i do but just feel defeated before i have even left. I've been on citalopram for 2 weeks and now mirtazapine for 2weeks, and to be honest feel worse than i did before.
I dont what else to do as i feel like i am letting kids down, and now my husband is beginning to lose patience with me.

tracy x x

[bluebottle]

Tracy, for a start you can forget any idea of letting anyone down. That is simply not the case. You have an illness and you are being treated for it. Now then, you can do things that will help you feel better about your situation and will assist your medication in getting you well again, but you can't be held responsible for being ill.

I suggest you sit your husband down and help him to understand exactly what you are being treated for, and make sure that he understands that he can help you in your recovery, or hinder you. It can be difficult for partners to understand our illnesses but it is even harder to suffer from them.

I have spent all my life feeling guilty for suffering from depression, yet it's actually a disability. I wonder how many other disabled people feel guilty about their disability? Society conditions us to feel this way, but it isn't right .

Regards,

Blue
--
"I'm dancing through the fire, just to catch a flame -
an' feel real again "

http://workplacebullying.com
http://spaces.msn.com/members/enigmapark/

[zena]

Hi Tracy.

Totally agree with Blue. You are not letting anyone down.
Have you felt like this for longer than you've been on the medication.

Sometimes hubbys get annoyed because they don't understand whats going on and also they don't like to see their wife suffering. I think it's a guy thing. They have to see like they are in control.

Maybe take him to the next appointment for the doctor and see if they can help. Infact if he goes with you, he may mention other problems that have been going on that you haven't mentioned to the doctors.

I also have felt guilty about being depressed and suffering from a phobia...I don't now though. It's like Blue says, it's a disability.

Hope this site helps you honey. Maybe show your other half the responces you get maybe that will help.
Take care honey for now.

with good wishes

Zena

[tracyp584]

Thanks Blue,

It just seems impossible to be able to explain it to anyone especially my husband, who is so used to how i used to be. I have just tried, and he has now gone out without me as he thinks i don't help myself. I really want to be able to but at the moment i just feel so rundown that i dont know where to start.

I'm trying to put this all down to me having a blip, but it seems hard toget your mind to agree with you!

tracy x x

[tracyp584]

Hey Zena,

I have felt like this for quite a while, but i'd say more so, since bein on meds, this is why i changed meds as i felt i was going downhill. At the moment as i've only been on new one nearly 2 weeks, i feel i need to wait another couple weeks to see if they help. I am also starting to worry as it is only 1 week until kids go back to school, and i'll have all that to deal with again.
I just think it is so simple to someone that has never had this problem to say 'just get on and deal with it'. It is SO much harder than that.

tracy x x

[zena]

Thats very true honey.
I would try and take everyday as it comes. Are there mates you can talk to or ask if you can take your children with them until you can cope with the school run.
I really do hope that you didn't what I said the wrong way round.

Hopefully the new meds will kick in soon and you'll start to feel alot better in yourself.


with good wishes

Zena

[seh1980]

hi Tracy,

I know how you feel. Though I don't have kids, I have often felt like I'm letting other people down in the past due to not wanting to leave the house. As long as you are making progress, that is what counts hun. Try your best and no one has the right to criticise you..

Sarah :D

[kairen]

hi Tracey

sorry your not doing to good but 4 weeks isnt really long enough for them to kick in yet espacially since you have changed them hang in there,

Well said Blue that is so true. Im sick of feeling gulity for something that i can not help, My husband has no idea how i feel even though i've tried many times to explain, i dont think till u have been through it you can possibly know how truly awful and scary thing it is to go through, I cant believe my luck at finding this site and so many people with the same sort of anxieties.

The help, support and understanding ive had here has been second to none and my husband can not see that either.

i hope you manage to talk things through its not like you choose to stay the house because you want to its not your fault try not to feel to guilty take tare xxx



kairen x

[tracyp584]

Hey Kairen,

I totally agree this site is amazing for support and understanding. Since earlier posting have had a HUGE cry, and am feeling a little better for it! I am just about to go to the park at the end of our road, with kids and hopefully gonna have a go at explaining things to husband, while kids have a run about.
Fingers crossed, will hopefully get how i'm feeling across!


tracy x x

[Tracy68]

Hi Tracy
Please don't think you're letting anyone down because that certainly isn't the case. I do know how you feel, i've not taken my kids out at all these easter holidays (mind you today i've let them have their friends round today and i got five kids running riot lol). Your children have the most important thing and that is you and the love you give them :D.
The medication takes a while to kick in...i've been told it can take as long as six weeks. So hang on in there and once they've started to work you'll feel so much better and then be able to make up for lost time so to speak and be able to take the kids out. I think you definately need to sit down with your husband and explain the situation to him.
Take care hun things will improve.
Tracy
x

[carlin]

Hi there,
Firstly, have never taken meds. but i do know they take a while to kick in, now about the kids, when mine were younger, i used to do all the indoor activities, you know, painting colouring, tv and videos were a blessing sometimes, baking and gardening etc.. and hubby used to do the outside things, footie etc. and believe me, my hubby isn't the most patient of people, then when they came home i used to make a big fuss, nice dinner, anything really. i have 4 children and i can promise you that they have suffered in no way whatsoever because of my panic/anxiety, they are older now, (youngest is 15) so i am able to speak to them about now and then, and as i say they have truthfully, had no ill-effects from any of my symtoms, please do not feel guilty. Keep in touch. I must add, that throughout the years, there have been times when i was able to join them on many of their outings, and we even managed holidays, so it is definately not all doom and gloom

[Jan]

Tracy

I know exactly how you feel. I have trouble going out full stop and having three kids makes me feel so guilty. I usually take them out and about but have done nothing. My hubby is the same he feels that I am giving in to it. If only he knew.
Communication really is the name of the game and get him to read about a few of the people on here so he knows its a real problem not just something you can make up. Crikey who wants to be that way I certainly dont and we dont enjoy being that way. Give yourself time for the meds to kick in. It can take quite a while especially when you change quickly.

Take care and know that there are always people here to help and support you.

Janine

[sal]

Tracy

You arent letting the kids down you are still there mum. If you had a broken leg would you feel as guilty as you are now. I have been there where you are now and it is hard but you are not letting them down trust me.

It isnt visible to them how you feel so harder to understand, but by just been with their mum should be enough for them.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[della]

hi tracy

please do not feel guilty about a problem that you are trying to overcome.
I had agoraphobia and could not take my kids out anywhere for 12yrs.
I know it is hard not to feel guilty and think that the kids are missing out but by doing this you will only make yourself feel worse than you already do.


take care[xx(]

[tracyp584]

Hey,

Just wanted to say a big THANKS to everyone for their replies yesterday. You all helped so much. I did go further than park yesterday and went to the beach instead (which is a 10 min drive!!), and it was ok. Tried to explain to my husband, how i feel, and how sometimes unknowingly he puts extra pressure on me. We have both decided to try harder with each other,and instead of dithering about where to go/ if to go, to just be honest and say when i really feel i dont want to. And then try again the next day.

And as for the kids, perhaps i've realised it's not always about where they go, more just that they enjoy themselves and have fun etc..
So, I am now going to attempt to take my son to the barbers with my husband which is further than the beach, and just see how i go. Feeling very nervous and knot in the stomach, but am determined to give it a go. If only i had a portable laptop, i could visit the forum from barbers!!

Thanks again

tracy x x

[zena]

Hi Tracy..

Way to go girl....just keep going.
Glad you and hubby have spoken, it does make a hell of a difference.

Your kids will love you no matter what..and they are a great strength to you. My 2 have been wonderful as I started having Agoraphobia before my eldest was born.
They are older now and know what to do if their Mum has a panic now.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it's a bit faint but it's still there.

Remember though to take little steps and don't beat yourself up if you can't do something one day that you could do the day before.
Take care

with good wishes

Zena