MysteriousCreature
05-05-08, 18:21
Hello.
I have a bit of an issue. I'm so afraid of pregnancy, that it is interfering in my daily life, causing constant stress, and is responsible for much anxiety. For the entire time I am not having my period, I am irrationally paranoid that I am pregnant, and read every little thing as a sign of pregnancy. This is a vicious circle, because many signs of pregnancy are also physical manifestations of stress, and I keep reading them as pregnancy symptoms, thus stressing myself out more, causing more or worsening symptoms.
I buy a bunch of pregnancy tests at once, and take one at least once a week.
A short history:
I do not want children. I will never have any as long as I can do anything about it. I have known this since I was 6 years old. I'm 24 now.
I had accidentally gotten pregnant once before, in 2006. That was the worst 10 weeks of my life. Before I even realized I was pregnant, I went through the most horrible depression I could think of with a constant fear of death, yet life didn't seem worth living. All I could do was sit and cry. This went on for 2 weeks.
A while after, I suffered terribly from hyperemesis gravidarum. I used an expensive herb to control this, but soon ran out and could not afford more. So I went for 3 days without any food or water, yet managing to throw up stomach acid every 2 hours anyway. The nausea was unrelenting. It was so bad, I thought I was dying. I had not slept a second in those 3 days, for every time I tried, the nausea would wake me up. I only waited so long to go to the ER because I didn't know there was any treatment for it. Everyone kept pushing gingerale and crackers, which DO NOT WORK for hyperemesis.
Finally, out of sheer desperation, I went to the emergency room where they had a very difficult time taking any blood and inserting the IV because I was so dehydrated. They gave me an injection of Zofran and sent me home with a prescription for the (insanely expensive) pill version.
Fortunately, I had Medicaid to pay for this at the time. I'm not so lucky now. The wonderful state of Missouri claims I get too much SSI to qualify, even though I can't afford the most basic medical care. Should that situation happen again, I would be in serious trouble. Hyperemesis kills women if it goes untreated.
So, you can see what has caused my fear. I also believe I suffer from some degree of PTSD. Unfortunately, for the same reasons as above, I cannot get any help for that, either. :weep:
I have a bit of an issue. I'm so afraid of pregnancy, that it is interfering in my daily life, causing constant stress, and is responsible for much anxiety. For the entire time I am not having my period, I am irrationally paranoid that I am pregnant, and read every little thing as a sign of pregnancy. This is a vicious circle, because many signs of pregnancy are also physical manifestations of stress, and I keep reading them as pregnancy symptoms, thus stressing myself out more, causing more or worsening symptoms.
I buy a bunch of pregnancy tests at once, and take one at least once a week.
A short history:
I do not want children. I will never have any as long as I can do anything about it. I have known this since I was 6 years old. I'm 24 now.
I had accidentally gotten pregnant once before, in 2006. That was the worst 10 weeks of my life. Before I even realized I was pregnant, I went through the most horrible depression I could think of with a constant fear of death, yet life didn't seem worth living. All I could do was sit and cry. This went on for 2 weeks.
A while after, I suffered terribly from hyperemesis gravidarum. I used an expensive herb to control this, but soon ran out and could not afford more. So I went for 3 days without any food or water, yet managing to throw up stomach acid every 2 hours anyway. The nausea was unrelenting. It was so bad, I thought I was dying. I had not slept a second in those 3 days, for every time I tried, the nausea would wake me up. I only waited so long to go to the ER because I didn't know there was any treatment for it. Everyone kept pushing gingerale and crackers, which DO NOT WORK for hyperemesis.
Finally, out of sheer desperation, I went to the emergency room where they had a very difficult time taking any blood and inserting the IV because I was so dehydrated. They gave me an injection of Zofran and sent me home with a prescription for the (insanely expensive) pill version.
Fortunately, I had Medicaid to pay for this at the time. I'm not so lucky now. The wonderful state of Missouri claims I get too much SSI to qualify, even though I can't afford the most basic medical care. Should that situation happen again, I would be in serious trouble. Hyperemesis kills women if it goes untreated.
So, you can see what has caused my fear. I also believe I suffer from some degree of PTSD. Unfortunately, for the same reasons as above, I cannot get any help for that, either. :weep: