emetophobia getting worse

[cavegirl]

Hiya all

I'm relatively new here and so far have found some brilliant and ueful info and posts which have been a real support for me.

However, I'm really struggling at the moment and I just really need to vent as I don't have anywhere else to turn. I'm sorry in advance for the long ramble...

I've suffered from emetophobia and also a fear of having an upset stomach 'the other way' for as long as I can remember. Reading the earlier thread on Norovirus has made me see that I'm no longer alone with the way I behave. I've also been diagnosed with OCD.

About 3 years ago I started to have what I think was a mini breakdown after I'd had a minor upset tummy. It sounds so stupid to write that down, but it actually did happen. I ended up losing an awful lot of weight as I was literally starving myself to ridiculous lengths in order to prevent it happening again. I've never been right or mentally well since.

I'm now quite severely underweight and both phobias seem to just be getting worse and worse.

In December last year I was diagnosed as having Endometriosis (despite being badly underweight I'm still having regular periods) and I'm suposed to be going into hospital for a laparoscopy with possible partial hysterectomy even though I'm only 28. However, the operation was recently postponed because I'm too skinny to be operated on and need to put weight on. I've been given 3 months to try and sort myself out - time is slipping away and I'm putting more and more pressure on myself to gain weight, and the more pressure I put on myself the worse the anxiety gets, the worse the phobias get and the less I eat etc etc etc...

In desperation I went back to see my GP last week - I've already had a course of CBT for the OCD which helped in some ways but not in others. We did a little diagnostic test to see how I was coping and the net result of this was that I've now also been diagnosed with severe clinical depression. She wants me to try some medication again (I previously have had beta blockers which I was allergic to and Anafranil which I had a bad reaction to).

So I've been prescribed Mirtazapine - because it has weight gain as a side effect and also works on anxiety. She also gave me some build up drinks to take. However, she doesn' really understand how the emetophobia affects me - and while the rational side of my brain is telling me that side effects are side effects, and I should just treat them as that, the irrational side of my brain is telling me that if I take the tablets and I get side effects (such as being sick or having 'the other') then I'll stop eating again and lose more weight.

In the meantime my weight is still bad, my depression is getting worse and I'm in a vicious cycle which I can't get out of - and I've got this stupid deadline to meet for this operation which I just can't cope with anymore. I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm so sorry to ramble on, I just have nowhere else to turn.

[belle]

Hi there..
I've had terrible emetophobia since i was 5 which resulted in my agoraphobia and just recently my son got a stomach bug and i pretty much starved myself for 10 days just in case i caught it...i did, but it wasn't horrendous, i did feel crappy and i wasn't keen on eating again, but slowly i did.
At my worst i couldn't even stand the smell of cooking in the house, so i never cooked and IF i did, it was easy stuff that just went in the oven.

You need to try and rationalise this. Unless you've been near someone who has vomited/pooped (and you need to be in the area when its happening), the chances of you catching an illness or getting sick is unlikely. People with emet. are very good at making sure their hands are clean.

If you are worried about getting sick, eat things that are no likely to upset your stomach like hot spicey foods, keep it bland. Jacket Potatoes are harmless with cheese. You need to up your weight to get well and to make sure your proceedures are done, but being underweight (i hate to say it) you do have a slightly higher risk of getting ill because you are not getting any nutrients that fight illnesses.

I wish you well...

x

[marie1974]

hiya im sorry you are feeling so terrible but just wanted to say if you are underweight this will make you depressed and feel tired and generally very low which will make you suceptible to colds and bugs so like bluebell says try bland stuff potatoes, cereals, bread, pasta, rice, veg etc. i hope you feel better soon hugs xxxx

[Zingara]

Hi, I sympathise so much with you, it's almost like reading about myself! Emetophobia has been a part of my life for years now. I am 29. Like you I have trouble eating and it has affected my weight. I recently had a major operation, and after it I had no appetite at all, my weight plummeted and I really did look terrible. Then there was all that stuff in the press about the norovirus... I got in such a panic, every day I would wake up in a panic and dread eating. To make matters worse, I was suffering (still am) from anxiety and depression issues after my surgery.
I have actually managed to gain a little weight. I am still skinny, but out of the risk category. I managed to put it on by eating a lot of biscuits and crisps.... not healthy, I know, but it worked for me! I also felt relatively 'safe' eating them. I get nervous about eating 'proper' food still, but I'm working on it. I have good days and bad days.
My emet is still bad, I worry about being sick several times a day. I saw a counsellor but she didn't seem to understand at all... she seemed to think that my fear of being sick was just about a fear of embarrassing myself, but it isn't... it goes a lot deeper than that.
I really do feel for you, it's not easy gaining weight, whatever anyone says, it's just as hard as losing it, and you get those unhelpful comments like 'Just go and stuff your face, girl!' (That was from a doctor. Yes, really!)
Please let me know how you're doing and if I can help at all, I know how it feels.

[mumof4]

hi i am the same as u i have suffered with empt since i was 11 i have tried everything when any of my 3 kids are ill i starve myself so i cant catch it,

i also have safe foods which i only eat but i make sure i eat something helps the immu system,

i used to have consitaint panic attacks and think what if i am sick now im not to bad but i do still worry about it.

[Zingara]

Cavegirl....it occurred to me that my mentioning having anxiety and depression after my surgery might have scared you, given that you're due to have surgery yourself, so I just wanted to clarify that my surgery was a thryoidectomy, so there was inevitably a lot of hormone disruption. I am actually still struggling with adjusting my medication and all the resulting problems! But there's no reason why you should have the same post-surgical problems as me. If you do want to talk about surgery and adjusting to it or anything else arising from it, please let me know though, I'd be glad to help if I can.

[claire-robinson0]

hello i was kind of in your position about 2 years ago after having my son i threw up several times, after that i assosiated being ill with eating so i stopped eating properly for months prob up to 1 peice of toast or maybe even a banana a day? i ust to try and force food down but that doesnt work either just gets stuck in your throat:S i also had depression and anxeity but they wouldnt prescribe me any tablets because i was under 18!? the depression got really bad anyway so i went back and made them give me some :D but yea you say about the side affects and all i took one of them depression tablets after reading the side affects i was at the toilets all day until i thought that the tablet would be out of my system. anyway i was 5 stone 8 and they wanted to put me in hospital but the hospital being a place where people were ill no way were they getting me in there. i used to have this bloke called paul come round to talk to me about everything and it really helped. With the food do you ever get the feeling as you cant swollow it? if so its all to do with your brain if you concertrate on something else and chew and swallow you should do it automatically rather than think about it. try watching that fussy eaters program tis quite good.

[bunnypop]

Hi Cavegirl,

I so sympathise with you. I have only found this site within the past hour and have just wrote my story on the newbie page.

I have suffered from emetohphobia for 10 years. I have a problem with my weight but like samira I went to the doctors and they said (just eat fatty foods!) and I know that won't help as I also need a healthy diet. I have always been skinny. My biggest 8 and a half stone,my usual healthy about 7 stone but I have been just over 6 stone for 2 years now. I had a baby girl two years ago managed to surf through without morning sickness for the sake of having a baby I dreamed off but suffered extreme depression during my pregnancy. I now have 'safe' foods, hate food, and have an OCD on checking food dates after getting food posineing which made me hospitalised. My daughter also went to nursey anf got a sickness bug which I got and it was horrific. I also suffer the other way phobia aswell. It stops me living my life and going out incase I am sick in public. It would be great to talk to you more and hope maybe we can help each other by giving postive thoughts. Laura x

[cavegirl]

Hi all

Sorry for not replying sooner and saying 'thank you' but things have been pretty horrid the last couple of weeks and I'm almost at the point of no return and feel like i'm going into shut down mode.

It's great to know I'm not alone and thank you for all your brilliant supportive replies.

My eating has got worse the last couple of weeks (if that's humanly possible) and I'm really struggling with my weight. Claire, yep - I do find that food is getting stuck in my throat a lot - the more I try to forcemyself to eat more the worse it gets.

bunnypop - that's what my Dr said to me too, just eat fatty food - put cream or cheese on food and try and eat lots of pasta etc. It's easier said than done, and I really really do try my hardest every day to eat sensibly and eat enough to keep me going, but I just can't see any way out of this anymore. I've really had enough, I look like a disgusting, stupid bag of bones and I utterly hate myself.

[Zingara]

I'm having very similar problems - PM me if you think chatting about it will be any help. x

[Demzii]

My Emetaphobia is getting worse too i have been going to sleep very early in the morning because i feel sick i really need some help any advice? xx