Work - tired of waiting???

[Julz P]

I've been back at work since January after nearly 4 months off sick. My brain give up on me after I constantly ignored it's warnings - not a nice place to be. Work did all the "right things" after the breakdown, though obviously didn't help before! They paid for CBT, gave me a return to work program that started with a very light load and 4 hours a day. The following week was 5 hour days with the load increasing etc. Regular update meetings, lots of conversations behind closed doors between HR & boss. One-to-one assertiveness training when I asked for it (which to be honest has been a revelation). It looks like they've ticked all the boxes.

Unfortunately I am still not up to speed, I work too slowly and make silly mistakes. I'm told this and other negative stuff on a regular basis since I returned from holiday in April. It's as if the management made a decision whilst I was away that I'm not worth the effort anymore. Since I returned from holiday I had been feeling much better, ready to start fresh, but now I have exclusion and critisism to contend with as well as hearing rumours and speculation which is making me worry about my job and therefore concentrate and sleep less etc. I've been told that my workload will increase as new things will be happening at work and they want to know now if I can cope with it, oh and they don't think I can - nice! Meetings with HR prior to the holiday were all "nice", but there is no longer much communication between them and me, instead it's more towing company line from them.

Today they (HR & my boss) asked me if I would agree to an assessment by an occupation health person to tell us if I was capable of doing my job! I'm scared stupid. What if there told that I can't! It's partly due to work and the lack of support that led to my breakdown to start with. I know they can't wait forever for me to get up to speed, but I have worked hard and studied two professional levels of exam to get where I am, I don't want them to take it away.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I said I'd go back to the doctor to reduce my medication so I was more "in", (40mg fluoxitine & 80mg propranalol) but I'm already getting myself in a flap!

Sorry for waffling, but has anyone any advice?

[bluebell68]

Hi.... After 3 months off sick 3 years ago i had a similar experience on returning to work as you have had... it must be a standard process adopted by employers..... i have been having problems of late because my anxiety has returned....i guess the 'support' that they offer people returning to work after 'stress' related absence, is intended to be supportive and encouraging but i found it added pressure to an already difficult experience.... so much so that i have been reluctant to tell my employer about my latest anxiety bout... i had to go to an occupational assessment and i found it a pretty pointless exercise.....they told me it was to help me by possibly identifing new ways that they could support me in my return to work but i felt it was intrusive and almost as if they didn't believe my doctors assessment when she issued my med certs... the doctor i saw at the assessment was ok but could offer little advice other than that i had already been given by other sources and the upshot was that he felt my absence was genuine (what a cheek !...as if he felt before he saw me that it might not be:mad: ) and that a phased return to work was the right approach (this was 2 months after i had returned!).... i have since spoken to people who have declined the offer of this assesment on the grounds that any info the emplyer may need can be obtained from their doctor and that the assessment itself is actually likely to increase their anxiety, so this may be an option for you... maybe check if you can whether this assesment is mandatory or not....
Everybody makes mistakes at work, we are human after all and they would be incredably short sighted if they were to act hastily now because you are having a tough time....you are obviously a very dedicated and consiencous employee who has much to offer any employer in the future....
I do not think that you should feel that you have to go back to your doctor and reduce your meds tho unless this is something your doctor and you feel is going to benefit you... ultimately your good health is the only priority and i honestly think that you must put yourself and your wellbeing first...
Sorry to go on a bit but your post touched a nerve with me and i can totally identify with your feelings..
Stay strong and hang in there... there is a standard process that employers have to follow in order that they are seen to be supportive and so that they are not leaving themselves open to lawsuits from emplyees in the future and i am sure that although it is stressful sometimes for us employees, it is not intended to be....im sure they are just doing what they are required to do and it is no more sinister than that... but i can relate to how it feels to be on the receiving end....

ps. i would say also that if you go for the assessment, you should be allowed to take someone with you, which is good idea as it will offer you support and can help with an independant point of view during and after the assesment, if you are in a union then a union member is a good choice as they are likely to be very familiar with the process...
Take care
:bighug1:
Rachel

[Bill]

Hi there,

I've been there where you are now. My already present anxieties combined with pressures at work and home nearly drove me over the edge; so much so that I was driven to various medications but despite these I took overdoses and self-harmed.

What you need to ask yourself is "Which is more important? - Your job or your health?"

With the help of a psychologist, I decided the latter so I resigned from my job, took time out to sort my issues then applied for a job I felt I'd enjoy doing and now I cope much better without the need of medication. If I'd continued as I was, I hate to think what would have happened!

I honestly believe our health should come first and that can be achieved through finding a good employer who can provide you with job satisfaction.

Don't let the company make you suffer just because of their profit margins! It's not worth it. You're much more valuable than money.:hugs:

[Julz P]

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I had a word with an assertiveness trainer at work and he suggested that I could say no to the assessment as I shouldn't feel that I have to prove anything to them. I know I can do the job given the right support and, I guess, a little patience.

If I have to leave, then I will try to think positively, I agree my health is most important and I certainly don't want to go back to that horrible place ever again. Maybe I could retrain and do something more creative for instance, or maybe a better idea would be to provide consultancy support to employees going through similar issues, after all employers are rubbish at it!

To Rachel - please don't get ill again. Is there no one you can talk to at work at all to explain your building anxiety? Hopefully there's someone there who is less likely to do the "pull yourself together" bit. Sometimes having someone around who understands helps immeasurably.:hugs:

Once again, thanks. I'll let you know any developments.

Take care

Juli