Seeing someone so ill

[andie73]

Hi everyone

I had been doing ok with my anxieyt and panic in recent days but had aranged to meet my frind of 11 years at the hospital for a cooffee and since then I've been quite unsettled. Her mam is dying and as she hasn't left her bedside day or night for a week I thought a coffee in the hospital cafe would help get her to have a break.
I had no intentions of going to visit her mam as I didn't think I'd cope well and more importantly didn't think she would want lots of people trooping in. Anyway my friend said she wanted me to go up. So I felt obliged. It was pretty grim to say the least. She was drifting in and out of consciousness but she knew I was there. I stayed about twenty minutes and left to go home. I felt really quite calm considering I'm hospital phobic.
I just got home when I noticed water was gushing from the bottom of my car which is only 4 years old. I was gutted. My head went into a spin and I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even make tea for my husband so we ended up with pizza which I never do normally.
All my emotions came to the fore and I cried my eyes out. There's nothing seriously wrong with the car and it will be fixed tomorrow, I think it was a delayed reaction from my hospital visit. Does anyone agree? And does anyone get that too, ie get through a difficult situation really quite well then fall apart at the next tiniest little thing that goes wrong? I hope I'm not losing the plot again!!! Have felt a bit unreal and dizzy today and generally just on edge. My hubby is working till 9 and my dad's away so I am without my usual support network, so I'm feeling a bit vulnerable and scared of being alone. But I've got no choice but to ride it out. Please help.

Andrea xx:wacko:

[kazzie]

Hi Andrea:D

Please dont worry:hugs:

Im exactly the same, cope wonderfully at the time and go to bits later!!!!:ohmy:

You are not going mad and well done for coping with such an awful situation

Big :hugs: for you and my thoughts are with all of you:flowers:

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[loopy loo]

:)Hi Andie,
I just read your post and wanted to say i think this nis quite normal and no, you are not losing the plot! It reminded me of when i had a car accident. The driver in front was waiting to turn and the car behind me did not stop and shunted me into the back of the car in front. Now i would have thought i would have just gone to pieces, but because the other two drivers were screaming at each other, i went into super calm mode......because something told me i had to.....it was essential to calm the situation. The minute i got home i went to pieces at the first thing someone said to me, which i interpretted as being a bit snappy, but of course it was not. In fact the next few days i felt really awful....very anxious.
I think you have done a similar thing. You knew you didn't want to let your friend down, and so you faced something quite frightening for you. I think you went into super calm to cope, but the repressed feelings have to come out somewhere. This is a good thing really......the anxiety is coming out. Just say to yourself this is normal and i will feel fine in a day or two.
Well done for doing it. I'm sure if you are scared of hospitals, it really doesn't get much worse than that does it. What a trooper!!!
Take care

Loopy loo xx

[hunny_as]

hi ya

i agree i think its quite normale to have a delayed reation to things , i know i have done in the past and then you think it was only something little that triiger me off, but infact it was something that happen 2 weeks ago or even longer well thats how it gose for me

you not losing the polt at all far from it, and well done for what have done going thro the hospitle couldnt of been easy well done to you.

amanda xx (((hugs))))

[jellybean43]

Hi
I just wanted to say well done at the hospital and yes it would affect anyone.I have been there several times----first with my late FIL and then with my close friend who died of stomach cancer.
I would say you have been very brave going to visit and it is just a normal reaction.You will be fine in a couple of days.I felt very very down after my hospital visits----it is very sad seeing someone soo ill.No one can cope with that easily.
My hubby is also at work til 9 and i have had a pretty rubbish day too!!I am sooo much worse when i am on my own.
Take care xxxx

[andie73]

Thanks so much everyone you have made me feel a bit more 'normal' whatever that is.

Andrea xx

P.s. jellybean I'm at my worst to when my hubby is out a long time so I know just how you're feeling you're not alone with that one. Hope your feeling better soon.

[sheba2]

Hi Andrea

You are definately not alone. I too often cope well with the crisis but then feel awful after and find it hard to associate the two. The fact that you are aware of what triggered your reaction is great. Plus it is normal to feel upset and scared when faced with such a sad situation you are naturally sad for your friend and her mum plus it draws your attention to your own life and immortality and for us normally anxious people that is always a difficult place. I think that when you suffer from anxiety and it affects your daily life you want to be totally rid of it and it is easy to forget that some anxiety is essential it is what makes us human. Try to be kind to yourself for a little while and don't worry if things slip at home.

[Bill]

I think our delayed reaction is our coping mechanism by releasing emotions after a stressful event where we've had to suppress our feelings.

I know when my father was ill and I had to support my mother, each time I left him I had to fight back the tears because watching him suffer was just too upsetting but I had to keep in control for my mother.

At his funeral, I felt calm and at peace, and when my nephew was in tears beside me, I was able to comfort him but I think I was able to because I had released my emotions previously.

I don't feel as yet though that I've come to terms with his loss.:hugs:

[Meewah]

Ditto Bill

I miss my father so much.
Watching him deteriate so slowly was heart breaking but I felt I needed to be strong for my Mother but It turned out to be the other way round my mother seems to be very positive me I am a Anx ridden mess.


Take care. Sorry to hear about your loss.

Mee

[chalky]

Hi Meewah,

You describe yourself as an Anx ridden mess.
I see a wonderfully loving,caring,supportive person doing her best to give to others despite her health problems.
Keep believing in yourself.
You WILL beat this.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Best wishes,
Chalky