anxiety in son

[josephine]

Hi everyone,

Today i saw a speech in my sons rucksack that he had to read out in class.At the bottom in red letters were the words ' so shaky'. I asked him why his teacher had wrote this, and he said she didnt, he did. He said that when he has to do things in front of the class he shakes and gets so nervous. He doesnt know why. I told him not to worry and no one noticed, under his breath he said'they did.'

The thing is i used to be like this and still am. Im just not made to stand in front of a class anymore so i dont have to confront it. I know he has inherited this from me, although it must be in our genes, as he doesnt know this about me.I let it ruin my life and eventually my nerves and anxiety stopped me doing things that i so wanted to do.I am ruled by anxiety today.

My son is much stronger than iwas, as he keeps on doing things that scare him. his favourite lesson is drama.He goes to a grammer school which pushes children to do things, sometimes i dont know if this will be good or bad for him in the long run.

He doesnt seem bothered by it, just wishes he didnt get so anxious. It breaks my heart as he is a lovely boy, he is only 12, and i dont want him to end up like me. I want him to embrace life and not be frightened to do things he loves. He plays piano in a chamber orchestra and he says when he performs his hands shake and makes mistakes. Why is life so unfair. Its hard enough to cope when it is our problem but when it is our children its awful.

Does anyone else have children that seem to get anxious like you?

Thanku, Josephine.x

[Cathy V]

Hi joshephine, yes i can relate to all you say. Ive been an anxious person all my life and symtoms have waxed and waned over the years (am now 54). Sometimes avoiding situations that cause panic and other times having the strength to face them.

I have 4 children, 2 sons and 2 daughters, and twin grandsons. My eldest son and one of my daughters both have suffered with anxiety. my son did take antidepressants for a couple of years but has been ok these last 5 years without meds. My girl Jo, who is mum to the twins has always been a nervous girl, a worrier but she has never had full-blown panic attacks like me fortunately. However, one of the twins is having problems now with being sick when he becomes anxious about anythng, and often wakes at night crying and when he cries he usually vomits too, which makes him worse...so vicious circle. She is now waiting for an appointment to come through for him to see a therapist where she lives in staffordshire. We both feel guilty that we're passing on the anxiety 'gene':unsure: I know it can sometimes be a 'learned behaviour' and obviously sometimes my kids have seen me in full blown panic over the years, but only 2 of them suffered themselves and not as badly as me thank goodness, but i hope my grandson can be helped before it takes too much of a hold on him.

Regards
Cathy :) x

[marie1974]

hi there both my sons 11 and 8 suffer anxiety at times, ryan went through a spell of needing a wee all the time even if he had just been and is a real worrier and reece if something is bothering always starts making a funny gulping sort of noise kind of swallowing all the time and it will go away until something bothers him like at school or something on tele abit scary so on. my partner had bad upbringing and he said he suffered with these when younger too.

my daughter who is 4 is growing very confident but at times worrys alot so i dont know how she will be yet, but its very common in children.

[kellie]

hiya hun. yes i have 3 girls 2 of whom are suffers of anx/panic/depression. my oldest who is 18 now was just like ur son in school (well they all where and 2 still are) but i will focus on the older 1. she would refuse to read out in class due to feeling sick/dizzy/scared when she had to. after a lot of disscussion with the school as she would get detention for things like this ( and i refused to pressure her aswell) they stopped asking her. but my point is she is now in collage doing a levels and they carnt shut her up. she will even tell the teacher if she thinks something he says aint correct lol. i think a lot of children have this fear and most of them grow out of it. try not to be to worried hun if he is still doing it even though he feels shaky he is doing a great job and his confidence will grow.
take care.

kellie.xxxxxxxxxx

[jill]

Hi Hun :hugs:

I know its dame hard not to worry about our kids, but us mums do worry from time to time, we feel cos of our own high levlels of anxiety our kids may get it.

Hun, your boy sounds to me full of confidance, he does lots of things, know one is confidant in everything hun, with time reasurance from you hun, your son will get confidant with this too. If HE is not bothered about this hun, try not to worry. I know its hard for you, you love him and want soo much for him, thats only natral, your worries are a normal worry hun. :hugs: keep reasueing him, tell him lots of kids feel this way when they stand in front of alot of people,( this will help him see he's not alone in how he feels) BUT, with time and practice these feelings will go.

I have lacked confidance all my life, this was one of many, many, reasons I hit full blown panic. My panic and high anxiety did not come till I was in my late 30's I am 44 now and panic, high anxiety free. Stlll working on my confidance and mangege my anxiety.

I did however, when having my 2 kids, try dame hard to teach them confidance, my son was fine, my daughter was full of confidace under the age of 3, but when she started nursery, she hit full blown panicand had lots of anxiety, (long story) will not go into this now, but she is nearly 15 now and doing very well. Still has anxiety from time to time, but I am sooo proud of her, she manages it well :yesyes:

Ask, your son if he wishes to practice speach, (talking in front of people) he can do this with family memebers, this helps give them confidance.

Hehe, this boxing day, my daughter sang in front of all our family, yeeehaaa, without any anxiety :yesyes:

Your son is doing just fine hun, :hugs: if he does not see it as a problem, then prase him, be proud of him, ohhh I bet you allready are :D

You take care hun :bighug1:


LOVE JILLXX

[josephine]

Thanku so much for all your comments. It seems anxiety can run in families, but also children can grow out of it or learn to conquer their fears. I suppose because i have had such a hard time i feel my son will too. But this is not always the case, as you have shown me.I was scared of school because of how i was but my son is thriving and i am so proud of him.

Love Josephine.x

[marie1974]

you should be proud of yourself josephine you sound like you are doing a fab job and he sound wonderful, im sure he will grow very confident and be fine with such a good mum hugs xxxxxx

[shakey1961]

Now then all, you tell me who wasn't nervous as a child standing up in front of the class and giving a speech? It's NORMAL!!!! Being honest, if he wasn't anxious I think that would be more worrying.

We all have anxiety in us when we have to do something out of the ordinary, unfamilier place or being the centre of attention.

It is well known that a certain level of anxiety is good for us, it sharpens the senses, makes you take more care. I should know I play the trombone in an orchestra and I practice and practice to get things right. I've been on many a stage, sometimes doing solo's. Yes you want to run away, your heart is pounding hoping you don't make a mistake, dry mouth and boy do you NOT need a dry mouth when playing.

Try putting it into context. All your kids are early teens and want to make an impression in the world.

The anxiety they feel is quite normal under the circumstances - it's when they're anxious or worried about other things and seemingly minor things that you should be looking out for.

As long as they seem to be happy and well balanced with normal everyday life then don't worry.

I mean who here would like to give a presentation to their work colleagues - just the same thing only with adults.

My former Doctor once told me about my anxiety. I was asking her about my drops in blood sugar affecting me. She put it like this "50% is your blood sugar problems and 50% is learnt from your mother"

Talk to your kids, tell them that it's ok to feel anxious. Don't all the other kids get nervous as well when it's their turn?

And if you want to build their confidence up no end, get them enrolled in Amateur Dramatics. They'll love acting and being on the stage. I started off backstage with a local church group and ended up being the main lead after a few years! And all that when only 5 years earlier I couldn't go very far at all.

In fact, don't just let the kids do it, you do it as well.