Bad news :(

[sophieunderscore]

I got a phone call this morning from my parents to tell my that my grandad who has been in hospital with stomach cancer has taken a turn for the worse and that I should prepare myself for the worst :weep:

I've never experienced a death in the family before so I'm devastated and finding it hard to cope :weep: Has anyone got any advice?

I feel bad for asking for advice as I don't post much on the forum or even visit the chatroom much anymore, but it helps me so much just reading through the posts sometimes when I feel panicy!

[kazzie]

Hi Sophie:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

So sorry to hear your news:weep:

I dont think theres any advice I can offer really as this sort of thing afects us all in different ways:hugs:

If the worse does happen tho try and remember the happy times spent with your Grandad:hugs:

Sorry not much help I know:blush:

Thinking of you:hugs:

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[sophieunderscore]

Thanks Kazzie :hugs:

It's just so hard when he's so ill and doesn't even look like my granddad anymore! :weep:

I'm finding things hard as I have exams at the moment aswell and I know that I can't let him down!

[maddie]

Hello Sophie.

I am sorry to hear about your Grandad. It's never easy to lose someone. Are you going to go and see him at the hospital? Some people prefer to remember loved ones as they were before they became ill. It's up to you.

You don't say which side of the family he's from. Much as you love him, try to remember that he is the Dad of either your father or mother. They will appreciate your support. Maybe help around the house a bit during the days it takes to arrange the funeral. Those always seem the worst days to me - waiting for the funeral. Ask your parents if they want you to answer the phone for them. They may not feeel like talking to everyone who will ring. Don't be frightened if their behaviour seems odd - they are trying to come to terms with losing him too.

It's natural to feel upset and to feel numb - like it can't be happening and Grandad will come back. Also maybe to feel guilty that you didn't do or say things you would have liked, or even angry that hes' gone. I don't know how old you are. If you've ever taken imporant exams, the feeling in your tummy is like standing waiting to go in the exam room knowing you're going to fail - sick and clammy, butterflies & tension.

Everyone at the funeral will be upset. Some people show their emotione more than others. It's OK to cry but if you feel better keeping your emotions in check then that's OK too. Whatever you feel. Afterwards people talk outside. If you can't cope, go sit in the car. If there is a meal after (a wake) try to busy yourself helping people. No-one will think you are rude though if you go out for air. They'll just assume you are upset & give you space.

In the weeks & months to come, it's OK to talk about your Grandad. He doesn't have to be forgotten because he died. You may be doing something one day months from now and think that you would have told him. You'll get like a punch in the stomach & maybe have a cry. That's all normal - part of having loved & missed your Grandpa. If he has a grave you may want to go there and talk to him. Many people do that.

I hope this helps a bit. PM me if you have any other worries.
God Bless.

[maddie]

Sophie - just saw your second post.

Tell the teachers at school what is happening. They may be able to arrange compassionate marking for your exams or even change days if you need to.

[kazzie]

Awwwww Sophie:hugs:

I know what you mean.....a close friend of mine died recently and she dident look like herself anymore either:weep:

Try and keep smiling and you pass those exams and make your Grandad proud:)

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[marie1974]

hi sophie, im really sorry to here that, my nan died 3 yrs ago i was very close to here she was like my mum really to me give me hugs took me out etc and she fell ill and deteriated quick and died from stomach and bone cancer, me being how i am i couldnt visit or go to the funeral because i wanted to remember her in the way i knew her. i think for me this was the right decision and if i had done it another way because of guilt or doing it for other people in the family i would have suffered even more than i did after she died. so what i want to say really is no matter how upset everyone is please deal with it in a way that you feel comfortable with because when you suffer like with anxietys and stuff certain things make things worse, it may help you to be around your family and funeral which is great but also it dont make you a bad person if you dont go either. i only wanted my partner around when it happend i backed away from everyone else for a while hugs to you xxx

[sophieunderscore]

Thank you Maddie and Donna,

I'm going home tonight to my fiance's house for a while, my parents are in swansea so I won't see them until Sunday probably. I live in Bristol at the moment for uni so I'm feeling a bit isolated!

I will definitely speak to the uni about extentuating circumstances, the procedure looks complicated so I'll need a bit of help!

I don't think I'll go and see him in hospital, I know he'll want me to do well so I've decided to stay in Bristol and do lots of revision, he's very weak so I think it's just best if my parents are there.

I feel a bit upset at the moment as I live with my fiance and two housemates. One housemate gave me a huge cuddle and spoke to me about losing his grandmother, and the other just said "oh dear" and didn't even look at me!

The one who gave me the cuddle was the one I normally don't get on with very well but I think this has shown me who has the most time for me!

[marie1974]

awww mayb other half dont know what to say hun they can be weird like that sometimes some of these men (not all though) if that is what helps you to deal with this then i think you are doing the right thing. i did that too and my nan was my mums mum and my mum does what she always does when something happens she backed off and i didnt speak to her for a week or so if i rang it was dad i spoke to and people asked after me at funeral but i thought no, my nan knows me and that i love her and i will remember her for that funny lovely person and not the one wasting away in pain. you are very strong and you will be fine just keep mates around you for support xxx

[Lilith1980]

Hi Sophie

Sorry to hear your news hun.

People have their own ways of responding to news like that so I wouldnt take it to heart that one housemate didnt seem to offer much consolation because they probably didnt know what to say.

At the end of the day you can only cope as best you can. Dont put high expectations on yourself to not get upset because you are bound to be upset at something like this. Just be kind to yourself at this time and try not to put any undue pressure on yourself.

I'm sure your parents will appreciate any support you can give hun, just remember to look after yourself too.

Lots of :hugs: for you hun.

Jo xxxxx

[eeyorelover]

Hi Sophie -
I am so sorry that you are going thru this!
And with having to take exams it must be doubley hard to concentrate on either fully!!!
Just make sure you are resting enough hun!
You're dealing with a lot at the moment and it must be very draining!
Could be that your other housemate just doesn't know what to say to comfort you. Each individual deals with this sort of thing in their own way.
Take care of yourself and know that you have loads of people on here who are praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way!
xxx
Sandy

[jo61]

Sorry to hear your news. As others have said everyone deals with grief in their own way, even if it's someone elses. Do take advantage of any concessions the uni might make. And make time for yourself above all
:hugs:

[sophieunderscore]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, they mean a lot

My granddad is still very very poorly, he's currently on a lot of drugs so he's in no pain.

My dad has said that my nan, mum and him think it's best if I don't go and visit him as he is so poorly and they want me to remember him as he was. They're sending him my love and he's in my thoughts so I hope that's enough!

[manmoor]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: xxx

[sophieunderscore]

My granddad has just passed away, I feel very peaceful as I know he died quietly in his sleep

Thank you everyone for your kind words x

[maddie]

I'm sorry you've lost your Grandad Sophie. It's a blessing he died quietly in his sleep. I think you were right to keep him in your memory as he used to be.

Just go with how you feel through the next few days. Try to eat to keep your strength up.

My prayers are with you.
Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Carla08]

Sophie, I am so sorry about your grandad. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I am really sorry. Lots of love and support to you.

[kazzie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Sophie

You and your family are in my thoughts:hugs:

Take care

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[chalky]

Hi Sophie,

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
:hugs: :hugs:
I hope your Grandad rests in eternal peace.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Lilith1980]

Hi Sophie,

I'm sorry to hear about your grandad, but as you said, its comforting for you to know that he was asleep and at peace when he died.

Take care of yourself at this difficult time honey :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[sophieunderscore]

Thank you again for all your kind wishes, I haven't had time to start to grieve as my exams are so stressful :(

I've applied for extenuating circumstances so hopefully that will help.

The funeral is on Wednesday, he's going to be cremated. I'm worried I won't be able to cope with the fact he's going to be burned :( Sorry that's so morbid but I can't get my head around it.

I'm not sure what happens at a crematorium , during the service, so any details would be useful? just so I know what to expect xxxx

[Cathy V]

Sophie i'm sorry about your grandad, sounds like you were very close to him. I lost my dad to this cancer also and he was also cremated. The service is much the same as in a church in that the minister talks about your grandad and if other peole want to say something the can also. Some people play favourite songs. The coffin will be visible (but closed) throughout the service and people can place flowers or whatever on top if they want to. And at the end of the service, curtains will close in front of it, so you don't see anything. Then everyone goes outside to an area where all the wraths and flowers are laid out so you can see them all and read the cards, talk to people etc.

Please don't worry about the service as its not what you think. Yes its emotional but also peaceful.

Hope i havent said too much to upset you further but i hope it helps a little.

Take good care
Cathy V xxx:hugs:

[jo61]

So sorry to hear your news. Take the time you need to grieve. You will get through the funeral with the help of friends and family. I'm sure the uni will be sympathetic. :hugs: :hugs: