suns out do you feel.....

[pete69]

like you should be out in it at every opportunity even thou you may feel crap?
i look out the window now and i feel every other person is out enjoying sports and playing with there kids etc and im stuck on here typing this.

take this afternoon for instance,major premiership football decisions will unfold,big chelsea fan so do i go to pub as i feel thats whats expected and sit n watch the big screen n feel crap the next day with major hangover or do i stay in and listen to 5live or watch bbc results service.

sorry for my ramblings just feel the whole world is out in the sun but as im a sufferer of sa and your reading this i know im not alone....just want change i guess:blush:

[thevoicewithinme]

Hi Pete,

When the sun is shining, I feel as though I want to be out and about, a walk in the countryside or a stroll along the beach maybe, have to admit a lovely day certainly makes me want to do stuff.

In reality though, I don't. Instead I potter around the garden and find things in the house to do. I might go for a drive later, but that's only if someone is with me, because being an agoraphobic, sadly I cannot do the things that I long to do, instead, like you I look out of the window, or stand at the end of the driveway watching everyone else enjoying themselves, and also feeling a tad envious.

Kaz

[pete69]

kaz,
least you have a garden you can sit in,i have a communal one here so much as i would like to just sit out there,im always weary that the witches of eastwick (4 oaps who live here) will get there chairs and have a moan about the world and shatter all my peace! probs will be a lazy boy today ive decided and watch grand prix then listen to football on radio.

a walk on a quite beach sounds heaven in this weather,sadly the reality for me is southend with all the rest of essex! not what im after really.

take care
pete

[Carla08]

Hi Pete
I am sorry to hear you are feeling as you do today. You are def not alone. A lot of us are all here typing away. I suffer with pa/sa/and agarophobia -on/off. I know what you mean when you think the world is out there in the sun partying and you are stuck indoors on a pc. Drink is not the answer as it does make you feel worse when you are down in my experience - however that said after consuming a bottle of wine to myself last night whilst chatting in the chat room I am now dying of a major hangover it seems, and everywhere is too bright! lol Do you have a garden? Maybe go out and sit there, do the garden or if not into that then read or take your laptop out there if you have one, or have all your windows open, play music, keep the tv or radio on. Could you go for a walk near you? Sorry if this is not much help but I do know what you mean, its like everyone is happy and living life to the full and you are on your own when you feel you should be living like they are. I feel like that today so please dont think you are alone in how you feel. Hugs

[thevoicewithinme]

The witches of Eastwick, that so made me laugh! I am lucky at the moment as the interferring neighbours have gone away for a few days, usually though the moment I am outside they are there at the fence doing my head in!

I love walking on beaches and used to spend many an afternoon or evening at Camber Sands when i lived in Kent, which was only half hour away. Now where I live the nearest beach is nearly 2 hours away and there is no way on this planet I could drive that with my pa and agoraphobia.

How about brightening up the day for those witches of eastwick? Stick in some earplugs (so you cant hear them moaning), smother yourself in sun tan lotion and go sunbathing in your communial garden topless lol...well was a thought I guess lol

Kaz

[pete69]

thx carla,
yeah i feel a bit hungover to -was on the ale last night myself,so i tend to get rid of a hangover by having a hair of dog-but this weather im gonna just get to dehydrated.
just checked the outdoor temp and its 28 already:ohmy: so mmm maybes sitting in here with the shade isnt so bad.
i just dont do enough with my weekends thats my problem,maybe i should plan things more in advance.

do laptops work outside?thought the suns glare would be to much on screen..just a thought.

[pete69]

lol kaz,i think they would have a heat attack -heart even but hey its the heat we are talking about.!

yes in theory i could pop on the earphones have my chair facing the other way and crack up the fratellis on my ipod:shades:
but i will feel para and wont be able to relax,as stated in other post hangover.pah y do i do it:scared15:
i could take some of my klonopin but im trying to have days off so i dont rely to much on em.
but then if "days off" means i dont do sweet fa whats the point?

ah camber sands...nice place...made more famous by squeeze single back in the day!

you have a good day whatever you decide to do kaz.

pete

[Carla08]

Hi again Pete
I am not sure if laptops work outside as I dont have one. lol I think they may cos they wld pick up a signal possibly and the glare wldnt be so bad if you sat in the shade, but if there is no shade in the communal garden then I am not so sure. Sorry. I am suffering with wine hangover and its not a good day is it for hangovers with the heat and the sun! The Witches of Eastwick comment made me laugh. Maybe go out, put earphones in and pretend to be asleep then they wont disturb you. I am sure my neighbours have alarms that go off when I step a foot outdoors into my garden. I cant stand it as I just want to be left alone. I realise they are just being friendly but I dont want it lol Hope you have a good a day as is possible under the circumstances.

[thevoicewithinme]

Yes laptops do work outside, have taken mine outside before, but only problem I have found is the glare on the screen, but this can be helped by wearing sunglasses, or sitting in a shadey spot.

Kaz

[pete69]

girls thx for your comments re laptops-im watching chelsea on internet so think it best to watch indoors as i tend to get a bit involved and the witches might not like my language if bolton score!!

[RachaelShambles]

It always seems to me that EVERYONE is out enjoying the sunshine with friends. Of course thats not the case but it seems like it!
I do envy people that can do the things i want to do, but cant because of sa and agoraphobia :weep:

[worrymama]

Hi - I think you should get outside - even to sit somewhere like a park or town centre. I definitely think that drinking makes anybody's mood worse once the initial 'hit' has passed. Hangovers just ain't worth it. Having enjoyed more than my fair share of alcohol over the years, I've come to my senses (approaching 60 - better late than never!) and cut down the amount I drink drastically. I can even go a few weeks without a drink and when I do have a drink I only have 2 max. My health has improved and more importantly my mood is better with much less depression. It has taken me about 40 years to learn this :doh: so I thought I would pass on the benefits of my research! Good luck to you anyway:)

[milly jones]

hey can i join u?

i do get out, but that terrifying fear that someone will look or talk to you is so overwhelming some days.

I walked for hours on a fairly deserted beach yesterday and it was wonderful. would have loved an icecream, butcoulnt go into the shop!

loved the witches coment too. my neighbours are really nice, but feel they have to enquire about my health whenever i go outside, which makes me hide in the house more. lol

i hate this horrible illness so much.

why can i not be a normal person and make pointless conversation to pass the day with others?

why do i put my head down and make no eye contact when i walk to my car?

why do i fear phone calls and texts from 'friends' who dont understand whats going on? and then worry cos 'friends' have not phones or texted?

my meds leave me not driving, so i too am imprisoned in the lounge on a lovely day.

i just feel so lonely some days

sorry to get low

milly x

[pete69]

worrymama: you are soo right re the alcohol,i go through this sensation when i have my sat night binge,can 1..feels good hits the spot, can 2 not as good as first but still ok , can3 getting kinda agitated a bit now-nervy even
can 4 still nervy-felt better on the first,can 5,6,7,8,now im just drinking cos ive started and y start if u dont intend to finish em.

i tell myself to get out of this habit of sat night drinking,does me no good and hangover on sunday is awful-i just med myself up n try n forget it...yeah fun huh--i need to think about drinking for pleasure,summin i have never really done,always been to stop my sa symptoms or when alone to stop the boredom.

milly:the beach walk sounded wonderful,hours on a beach alone,where was this?i know how down you feel,the non eye contact when going outside to car,ive even started to get para when driving, with the car in front ,are they looking at me in there mirror!!its getting out of control.i just feel like im the centre of every strangers attention-its kinda big headed if you think about it-im not david beckham walking down a essex street so who gives a f***-just gotta change these damn ants(automatic negative thoughts)
i know practice is supposed to help but if it goes wrong when i try i double fear it next time-such a vicious circle.good luck anyways milly hope you are back driving soon.

rachael:just going to read your blog,oh and now its raining here so im glad to have been out in it today!

take care all
pete

[Meewah]

Strange,

I find being by myself fantastic, not going in to the shop would be a benefit as I would not buy junk, Why not take along your own picnic. Your description sounds like a dream for me and I am sure it is not for you. I do love time to just think about life and feel I havn't what having a house ful of kids and a full time job.

This just proves what seems like hell for one is heaven for another. Ask yourself the question if the person has anxiety like you would you want to talk to them? As we are conversing now. If you could sit in a bar with likeminded people would you feel at ease? When you see how common anxiety is and open up to people about your suffering it is surprising that many people are suffering with anxiety too.

Another moment of buddhist philosophy.

Take care

Mee

[pete69]

very true mee,
i constantly cover it up ,masking it with meds or alcohol,yet if i was to tell people ,im sure they wouldnt be as shocked as i expect and would probably go on to tell me of there "anxietys"..maybe its a man thing thou-not wanting to show weakness?