anxiety + no idea why - fed up of it all

[livingwithmyself]

today im feeling pretty bad. i had a lovely day and everything wqas going well until about half eight this evening. I was at work and my boss came in. Now i get on really wel with my boss, we're are more like friends and she has anxiety so is very understanding of mine. WEithout warning and for no reason i started to get that familiar rush of panic . I couldnt tell her i was panicking cos i never can tell anyone while its happening and i started fumbling with papers and distracting myself so i must have looked completley insane.
I felt better after she left (although disapointed i had relapsed) but i just got in ten minutes ago and as soon as i entered the house the panic was back again.
I have been so much better with my axxiety the past year - im no longer on meds + my panic is few + far between. My problem is that I have no idea why i panicked today and i have never known what my triggers are. if i dont know what causes it how can I ever be free from them?
i really feel like crying cause i feel like im falling back in to when i was realy unwell and its scaring me.
i know i shouldbe positive and just let it go but how can i if i just start panicking randomly and for no particualr reason?
i always feel so bad afterwards.
anyway, rant over. Thanks for listening.. x x x x

[jellybean43]

Hi
Aww hope you are feeling better now.Sorry I cant be a great deal of help cos my anxiety is mainly health based---I imagine i have everything possible!!!
However, I have had panic attacks some 20 plus years ago after i had my son and I know it took me about 7 years to be completely ok.Thats, not to say it will be the same for you but even after i had come of my meds I still had the odd panic attack.
I am sure you will be fine.Did you maybe have a late night last night? Cos i know if am over tired my anxiety is soooo much worse.
Try not to worry though-----it happened to me all those years ago xxx

[livingwithmyself]

yeah i did have a late one i guess. and i had a bit to drink which does make the anxiety worse sometimes. but i have late nights all the time + drink all the time. i drink mainly to blot out all the crap i feel.
i guess when i start to panic i worry that people will guess + think bad of me + of course that makes it worse - its a vicous circle.
my boss was asking about a client + i was worried i woulnt say the right thing + then i was worried she would guess i was freaknig out.
also i have been diagnosed with a panic disorder + with PTSD so i have no ides what i have to try to combat it. but if im realistic it probably is PTSD.
i am just sooo disapointed - i was doing so well for so long. x x

[eternally optimistic]

hi

dont be disappointed with yourself, this will add to your anguish. Like you said, u were, u r, doing well. Dont let it get a hold of you and think of it being just an isolated incident and that YOU are beating this.

I must admit, I never tell anyone whats happening and sometimes that
makes the situation worse. Try not to put more pressure onto yourself
and dont regard this as something to be annoyed with, again it will
just create more problems.

I agree that it is extremely fraustrating not knowing what has caused the attack. If only we knew, that would be half the problem sorted.

Gud luck and keep smiling.

J

[livingwithmyself]

awww thanx guys. :hugs: it helps to know im not just a freak of nature!!! lol

i guess i do need to just forget about it and think of it as a blip - thats the thing with anxiety + panic - it bites you on the bum when you least expect it! :shrug:

i have never been able to tell anyone - i always do after the attack though. i just am so busy concentrating on distracting myself and "looking normal" that if i were to tell someone what was happening i would just go down a port hole - which i have before! im sure it would help though.

now im thinking my boss knows i was bad + is p****d off with me for not being able to discuss it with her. see how the cycle turns :rolleyes: x x


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