Feel bad now...

[Carla08]

Hi all
Last night I posted a comment to a person who had anorexia *it was really late 2.30amish I think and I cant remember who it was now*and today I feel bad now, as it was just a statement. The thread has now closed so i cant go back to it and reply through there. I read her reply but then the thread wouldnt allow me to reply back and I read it had been closed by admin. The statement was quite blunt, but was relevant. The lady wrote that I didnt know anything about anorexia however I do have experience of anorexia, so sorry to that person who said I dont have experience, how would you know? I have never mentioned it on here, but I am doing now. I know all about the depression that anorexia causes and all the horrific rest of it. Years on and I have a bone condition now caused by how I ate or rather what I didnt eat. My hair fell out and I ached all the time and 2 of my teeth fell out and that was just a small part of it. I am sorry for the comment I wrote which was 'well i wonder if Karen Carpenter is happy with how thin she is now' - it was not a direct attack on you, but a true statement. I finally managed to overcome anorexia however one thing I never ever did was to revel in it. It is a killer and no person who had or has anorexia should ever be admired except for of course if they are truly trying to fight it and want to overcome it. I guess I should have wrote that instead last night. To the lady in question I really hope you overcome your anorexia. What I wrote wasnt a personal attack however.

[Cathy V]

Hi Carla, I probably can't help much to make you feel any better, but you may have also read my part in the thread about anorexia. I just wanted to say that i admire you for talking about your own experience now, maybe for the first time? and i admire your strength not to let it beat you...you are stronger and braver than you'll ever know.

Its good that that partic thread was closed.
Take care
Cathy xxx:)

[milly jones]

carla,

im forever writing, chatting saying things that upset people and spend countless hours stressing over comments i have made.

we are all vulnerable people here, thats why we join nmp.

i have no idea what u said regarding the post.

All i do know is that the nmp folk are very forgiving and are not judgemental about each other.

Things are said, but it is important that we move forwards together supporting each other to gain confidence and advice to achieve our goals

Take heart hun, u are not alone, as the other lady in question is not,

together in nmp

milly xxx

[popsy]

Milly, you always talk so much sense, i wish i was more like you xxx

[Carla08]

Hi Cathy
Thank you for your lovely message. I was worried I would get a backlash off nasty comments off others for me being so insensitive towards the lady who wrote on that thread. I wasnt attacking her at all. It was really late, I cldnt sleep and my mind was everywhere and I wrote that comment. I wish I hadnt done so now. However thanks Cathy cos your message is lovely. I will read all the other threads about anorexia, yours too, which I dont think I have read. I sometimes get a bit 'lost' and confused reading through the different posts. I am only really finding my way around the site at present, as I have only been here a couple of weeks or so.

[Carla08]

Hi Milly
How are you? I agree with Popsy, you always make so much sense. I wish my head was like yours! lol I wrote a one line comment to a person who is suffering from anorexia and had left lots of posts about it all dating back to some time ago, and I wrote that 'Well I wonder if Karen Carpenter is now happy with how thin she is'! I know it sounds harsh but it wasnt an attack on anyone with anorexia, and I have been there, a long time ago. I shldnt with hindsight have made the comment and if the lady reads this then she truly has my apologies. It was at some awful time like 2.30amish. I cldnt sleep and my head was everywhere and I just got annoyed at some of the things that had been written. However I should have been more understanding I know that now especially as I once had what this particular person has. Ok I am now going to go beat myself with a stick lol... Milly you are such a asset to this site I think and I am sure many others do too.

[milly jones]

wow, thanks to carla and popsy,

hey im a newy here

just waffle on with whatever comes from my heart thats all,

love to u both

mill xxxxxxxxx

[marie1974]

hi carla dont think bad i replied to that thread too last night and like you i was quite blunt but it was an honest opinion and sometimes when supporting people we have to be blunt and we were only trying to help her. karen seems lovely but if you dont want to change or get better then we cant force her and thats the bit i dont get i suppose. after going through what she has how come she still doesnt realise this is killing her and if she got better she could have a lovely happy life not wasted. i read only few weeks ago a girl in paper who went down to somrthing silly like 6 stone with anorexia and showed pictures she looked awful but she has since recovered and had a baby and realises she was doing herself harm and although you never fully recover she at the moment is a healthy proper weight and happy with her baby and living life now and that is a real success story. i do hope karen sees this before its to late, hugs to you carla you are very brave with your post xxxx

[nomorepanic]

The thread was not locked because of anything you said Carla so please don't worry about that.

[Carla08]

Hi Nicola
Thank you for your post. I appreciate it.It put my mind at rest because I was getting a bit upset over it, however I had some really supportive messages regarding it all which helped a lot.

[marie1974]

:hugs: carla xxx

[Karen]

Hi Carla

I was the member whose thread you replied to last night. I am sorry I wrongly assumed you knew nothing about anorexia but it was difficult to know that from a one line reply from someone I don't know. I appreciate you explaining your past and realise it must be quite hard to do so and even more difficult to come here and find someone suffering from the illness and seemingly not wanting to get better.

I hold my hands up to that one - anorexia makes me feel better about myself and I don't want to give it up. I am good when I starve myself and lose weight and bad when I eat and gain weight. At the moment my weight is higher than it has been for a long time following re-feeding in an eating disorder unit where I was a patient for 3 months, so I am feeling particularly bad.

I don't deliberately write things to shock or upset people but I am just venting my feelings at the time because it is very difficult to live with this illness. I actually did want to die last year when I lost weight down to 5 stone because I knew if I survived I'd have to go through the forced re-feeding all over again - which I did.

I too have long term problems from the illness - terrible teeth and joint pains and it is likely I've been told that I have osteoporosis so I can understand what it is like for you.

I don't want to cause trouble. I just want to be able to talk about my feelings and say when I have had a bad day or when things are tough, just like I would with my anxiety or depression problems.

Having my threads closed is very upsetting for me because it's like being told off and being told I don't have a right to talk about my feelings and that's an issue I've struggled with all my life - being told it is wrong to talk about feelings and shameful to have mental health problems. I just hope people reading can understand my point of view too.

Karen

[Carla08]

Hi Karen
Thank you for your message. I shouldnt have wrote that one line comment the other night. I knwo that and I am sorry. I think the only way I can explain it is that I get angry about anorexia and if I could stop anyone from continuing down the road of letting that awful illness ruin their life than I would because it ruined a good part of my young life, left me with the all the after effects of anorexia which I now have to live with, and I know it is a nightmare condition and very complex one and very hard to overcome but it can be done if you do truly want to get better. I am just frustrated cos I know it took away my young years and I will never get them back to relive.What a waste! and for what? I looked hideous and harmed myself permantly. I am still very slim now but at least now its a healthy looking slim. I am sure everyone on this site wants to see you get better and wants to support you. I suppose people get frustrated when you mention things like you bought slimming pills off the net. Its the same frustration when you are trying to help an acoholic by encouraging that person to not drink, doing your best to support them, and then they go out and buy a bottle of drink. I know you have to want to do it for yourself and no one can convince you otherwise, but we all want to see you come through this. However only you can make that decision. I really hope you do overcome it and have a good life ahead of you.

[popsy]

KAREN :bighug1:
I cant imagine how you are feeling right now (it would be condersending for me even to suggest i can) but i just wanted to tell you im thinking of you and sending you support, please please keep posting and keep trying to get help, theres a wonderful world out there and its waiting for you. I too have been in a place where i could see NO light at the end of the tunnel for a long long time, but honestly one day i suddenly caught a glimpse, and i think it might actually be getting a bit brighter now....? It IS there i promise you, i have faith that one day you might just catch that glimpse too!!!!
Much love and hugs :bighug1:

[Lila]

Hi all
The statement was quite blunt, but was relevant. The lady wrote that I didnt know anything about anorexia however I do have experience of anorexia, so sorry to that person who said I dont have experience, how would you know? I have never mentioned it on here, but I am doing now. I know all about the depression that anorexia causes and all the horrific rest of it. Years on and I have a bone condition now caused by how I ate or rather what I didnt eat. My hair fell out and I ached all the time and 2 of my teeth fell out and that was just a small part of it. I am sorry for the comment I wrote which was 'well i wonder if Karen Carpenter is happy with how thin she is now' - it was not a direct attack on you, but a true statement. I finally managed to overcome anorexia however one thing I never ever did was to revel in it. It is a killer and no person who had or has anorexia should ever be admired except for of course if they are truly trying to fight it and want to overcome it. I guess I should have wrote that instead last night. To the lady in question I really hope you overcome your anorexia. What I wrote wasnt a personal attack however.

Well said and well done to you!! It is so great to hear about your success overcoming the disease. :yesyes:

IMO You have nothing to feel bad about, I read that thread.

[marie1974]

welldone carla you are a strong person, keep strong hun:hugs:

[popsy]

:bighug1: Hugs to carla also. xxxxx