One step nearer

[blackie]

Hiya all,
I just wanted to share some good news. I am agoraphobic so havnt been leaving the house at all. Now in the last week i have got an allotment which although is only about a 5min walk away is still a big step. I have been going up every day for a couple of hours which is great for exercise too.; I have an awful lot of digging to do. At the moment my dad comes with me but yesterday i stayed up there on my own for a bit and today i walked back home to get more tools and back again on my own.
Also tomorrow i have a new support worker who is going to take me out for a drive. Nervous but am going to do it.
I know i still have a long way to go but i feel like i have made a big step, and hopefully permanet step, forward. When i have been able to leave the house before i do well for a few months then it all goes wrong and i end up back at square one. This time i am going to learn from my past mastakes and really work at it. Plus, i have to go up every night to the allotments to water.hehe.
Anyway, sorry for the long post but i thought it nice to share some good news for a change.
Take care all.
Blackie

[lorac]

Blackie I am so very pleased for you. What a great positive step forward well done I am sure the allotment will really be good for you all the digging will be great exercise. Are you going to grow all your own veg, that's something I have always wanted to do but never got round to. Hope it all goes well for you Blackie.

Wishing you good luck with your new support worker it sounds like you have really made steps forward well done.

Love
Carol
x

[eternally optimistic]

Excellent news Blackie.

You should be really pleased with yourself, give yourself a pat on the back, even two. That is such an achievement and I bet your dad is pleased as punch.

Enjoy the drive, you'll be even more proud tomorrow.

Let us know how the growing goes.

Well done and gud luck.

J

[marie1974]

great news blackie you should be proud of yourself, just goes to show you are stronger than you first thought and you are a fighter. keep going and well done xxx

[rascal]

WELL DONE!! u are doing brilliant, im sooooo jealous that u have a allotment, it will be so rewarding watching vegetables growing, then picking them, cooking them and eating them.
WELL DONE once again, lots of small steps lead to such BIG achevements.
take care xx

[blackie]

Hiya
Thanks everyone for all your encouragement. :hugs: Thats put a smile on my face today:D

At the moment i have strawberries, onions, potatoes, spring onions, cabbage, kale, brocolli, sprouts:lac: and need to get some runner beans. Next year i want to put up a netted area and make a proper bed of strawberries and rasberry canes. So hopefully can grow most of our fruit and veg. Might have a bit of trouble with banana's though.lol

Its made me feel much happier having the exercise too. Great way to fight of depression and be ablit healthier. Im so lucky its just over the road from me so i can walk there.
I have been doing an open uni degree as well which is hard work but good fun. However i have to be able to do 4 residential units or else i fail. Thats the ultimate goal so still a long way to go but getting there.

Thanks again everyone:bighug1:
Blackie

[SANDYJANE]

well done blackie , thats great news .


love sandyjanexxx

[hazey-babe]

Well done you. Its so rewarding to grow tyour own veg and fruit. It will give you a huge boost. Hope you get on ok with the Support Worker. Hope the drive is not too stressful

Love Hazel xoxox:hugs:

[Carla08]

Hi Blackie
Thats wonderful to hear, Well done to you. I hope it all goes well. I suffer on/off with agoraphobia so what you wrote has given me inspiration that it wont always be like this and that things can improve. You allotment sounds great and I wish you lots of success with it. You should be really proud of yourself!

[jesse08]

Well Done that is great news. Thanks for sharing this positive news.
:yesyes:

[chalky]

Hi Blackie,

Congratulations on your wonderful work!!!!
Change in our lives comes through taking action.
Keep up the good work.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[blackie]

Hiya
Thanks guys. i am really starting to feel like things can change. I am taking my time and doing what i can and when i can.
I went up the allotments all on my own tonight for about an hour. I debated doing it for ages. Then i said i wopuld do it and get on with it. All the time i was walking thewre my heart was racing and every nearve was telling me to turn back but i kept on walking. I did some work up there and started talking to one of the regulars up there for ages. I feel really proud of myself. I also managed to go for a drive with my new support worker. We went to the local pup and sat outside with a coke. It was hard but i am so glad i didnt give in. I started toi relax by the end of it. Small steps add up to giant leaps.lol
Take care all and thankis so much for all your support. So often i have writtian on this website feeling bad and now its nice to have something more possitive to say.
Blackie

[Lilith1980]

Hey Blackie

Well done on getting to you, you've made some huge steps :yesyes:

Keep it up hun :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[blackie]

Thanks jo.
Not quite such a good day today. Been to the doctor and found i have an ulcer so need to be on meds for the next three months. Still it has been making me feel quite ill for near 6months now so i guess its better to get it sorted. Went up the allotment again but just had no energy so came back. Was going to go up this evning to plant the next row but as we walked up there there were about 10 youths sitting directly in the way who where abit load and i freaked out. There are some not very nice people around here and although it would proberly of been fine i still freaked. I just feel tired anf fed up tonight.
On a more possitive note it is getting much easier to go out of the house (when my path isnt blocked by gangs.lol) and hope to start going out abit more and perhaps futher away.
Anyway night all.
Blackie

[blackie]

Hiya

Had a good day yesterday. I managed to a garden centre about 20mins drive away and spend an hour looking round there. It was so hard at first and i nearly backed out but i did it!!! Got some nice bits for my allotment which i went to yesterday as well. Tommorrow have got some more digging to do and then that shold be enough to plant everything up. Shame the weathers abit misrable but good for the plants. I really hope i can keep this up and beat the agoraphobia once and for all. I so desbratly want to do all the things that my friends can do.
Anyway take care all
Blackie

[Panic1971]

Well done Blackie - you are doing brilliantly.:yesyes:

Keep it up!!!!

[blackie]

hiya
Thanks Ann.
I have been up the allotments again today. i have more coursework to finish tomorrow and then another meeting with my support persoon. I found out though that she is leaving for spain in a few months so i will be back to square one. It just seems when ever there is a breakthrough there are another hundren promblems. I just dont know what to do.
Sorry for moaning. I just dont know what to do.
Blackie

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Blackie,

You are on the way up, mate.

Dont be pesimistic about your support person, make the most of the time
that you are with her.

You are generally doing so well, that this mustnt faze you and you must
just see it as one of those things.

J

[Lindalou64]

Great News Blackie Ya Doing Well Remember You Will Get There Keep The Faith!!!!......wish You Well.....linda

[optimist?]

heya Blackie
Every time you turn that spade, its fresh new soil underneath, ready to take the new growth and nurture it into something wonderful, some plants may not grow at all and some will not be a strong as others, but the minute you harvest the fruits of your labours (hey even bananas have to grow somewhere!!) you will realise how amazing you are. Treat each day just the same, instead of turning your spade, you get out of bed (new soil emerging from under its duvet, ready to take all seed of a new day and nurture them into something wonderful. Some days will feel wasted, some not as good as others but hey, aint the good days bloody amazing!!!!
Happy gardening, flower!

[blackie]

Hiya all.
Thanks everyone for your kind workds. Your right , i will just have to make the most of the time i have with my support worker.
Still been going up the allotments and my grandma is coming down to stay for a week. Every time she come she says to me 'i really wish you would come out for a meal with us'. I always feel so bad saying no so this time i am going to have a meal out with my family. I am hoping it will be at lunchtime as its easier to go out during the day i think/ Not sure why but if not i will still go. Also i think it is the farmers market in town that i will try and go to. Bit by bit i will get through this!!!
Blackie

[honeybee3939]

Hi Blackie

So pleased to hear you are making such good progress hun, sounds like you are working real hard and its paying off for you:yesyes: .

Dont forget though, if you have a bad day forget about that and concentrate on a new day and stay positive, you are getting there matey, im real pleased for you:hugs:

WELL DONE !

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Southern_Belle]

Blackie,

You are doing a great job, hang in there.

Many hugs,

Laura

[blackie]

Hiya
Thanks guys for all you support. It really helps having people around who understand anxiety and panic giving walm words and encouragment.

Today i have managed to go ot for a meal with my grandma and parents. I was terrified and spent the whole day thinking 'i cant do this, cannot do this!'. I knew how much it meant to my family though and with there support i managed it and had a lovly meal. It was horriable to begin with but once i was there i started to relax abit more and just enjoyed being in a different surrounding. I really pushed myself and it payed off. I really hope i can keep this up so i no longer worry about leaving the house and doing normal things. I so badly want to get my degree which i am doing through the open uni. I have to do four weeks away from home on my own at a residetial unit. This is miles away from where i live (other end of the country) so i really have to work hard to get to this point. I have no idea how i am going to manage it but i guess you just have to take one day at a time and push myself a little bit futher everyday. I would so lov e to go on holiday in the futher too with my family. Sorry, getting carried away. One day at a tgime. Baby steps add up to giant leaps.lol
Ok i am waffling now but oh well.
Take care all
Blackie

[Pink Panic]

Hi

Just caught up with this thread and wanted to say a massive WELL DONE to you :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes: for all your achievments.

It's totally fab that you managed the meal out too.

Keep up the good work hun :hugs:
Best wishes in your continued recovery.

Love
Pink
xxx

[blackie]

Hiuya
Thanks pink. It was such a great meal and meant a lot to my gran too.:D

Today i have had another achivment. I managed to go into the shopping complex about 25mins from where i live. I so nearly backed out as my mum asked me to come first thing in the morning. I could have so easily said no but i got up and drtessed and went. The car ride was hard but i managed it. The lifts where a full panic but i still did it (four times in fact). It was hard but i did it and although i was thinking alot of the time i just want to go home, some of the time i felt more relaxed. I just have to learn with me not to say "no i can't do it". I know i have to face up to the panic and get through it. And so much in life that is worth having is hard.

I also went back up the allotments and had a really nice time up there. Talked to this really nice chap who had worked in the village i live for the last 80 odd years. I also met my nextdoor neighbour who is lovly. Oh and inbetween chatting i got two more rows of veg planted and some more digging.

Just had a really nice BBQ with my famiuly and tommorrow should be good as we are having a sunday lunch with my bro and his gf.

I know i still have an awful long way to go. i have managed to get this far before on two occasions and then been knocked flat on my back but i am hoping i can learn from my past experiences and do it. I do want to have a 'normal life' and to do that i have to live it.lol

Take care all.
Blackie

[blackie]

p.s. sorry about the spelling. A good BBQ requires a nice glass of red wine:winks:

[Pink Panic]

Hiya Blackie,

Crickey girl you really are kicking the anx into touch and a massive well done again. :yesyes: :yesyes: :yesyes:
Facing the panic is so hard and that's exactly what you are doing and as you are getting more confident you are achieving more and more.

I remember reading your posts weeks ago and now what a difference and i'm so happy for you that you are progressing so well in your recovery. :hugs:
I know that you have put a massive effort into getting this far and you should be really pleased with yourself hun.

Glad you enjoyed the wine at the barbie, i'm off to have one too and relax in a nice bath.

Have a great Sunday too.

Love & Hugs
Pink
xxx:hugs:

[blackie]

Hiya
Thanks pink. You are exactly right. It is such a challange to face the panic but when you do you feel better and more confident. Its alot of work but you get a huge reward.

Today i have been out on a walk around my village which ussally i find very hard. i dont know why but it seems more of a challange then going in the car somewhere. But i did it and had a great time with my dad. Our village is very pretty and we said hello to the horses and ducks. I then went up my alloments on my own for an hour and a half. It was hard at fisrt and i also had to pass a crowd of teenagers. Last time i chickened out but this time i just kept on walking. GOt lots of work done and my little robin friend came down. He gets so close and loves the worms that get dug up. Met a new person up there and had a chat. I feel really tired tonight but in such a nice way.
The things i have learned are:
1) Aviod negitive thinking. Instead turn it around and tell yourself you can do it.
2) Try your hardest to do something but if you cannot don't beat yourself up. Just accept it and try again when you feel more confident.
3) Exercise really makes you feel better in yourself. It helps lift depression and makes you body healthy.
4) Good food and not too much alcohol also make you feel btter. Nothing worse then filling very hungry or very sluggish.
5) Small steps all add up and each time push the boat out abit futher. Remember all your achivments and reward yourself.
6) Having a perpose to leave the house is a great motervation to keep on going out. Also fresh air makes you feel better and 10 mins a day out in the sun really helps vitimen D production.

Anyway, take care all.
Blackie