How do you move on?

[popsy]

How can you forgive yourself :unsure: , people say to do this, but i dont understand how too?...surely just saying to yourself "you are forgiven for......." isnt enough. How can you mean it if you know it was a bad thing to do or say or behave? Through seeing different counsellers it has become apparent my pa's/anxiety are related to me feeling out of control of my life, or being put in a situation i feel i have no control over, a feeling of being trapped, and therefore i have started to behave like this in everyday life when it isnt appropriate, equalling pa's/anxiety!!!! I know a bad relationship in the past was around the time all this started to happen and i know i felt powerless then and completely out of control (i am no longer with this man, i am with a wonderful man now :) ). Why didnt i behave differently, why didnt i take control, why did i let this man treat me this way, i feel so angry with myself for letting myself become this way, I could have left then nothing was stopping me accept a feeling that he would change and did love me really, i cant forgive myself that....i dont know how to move on with this.......:shrug:
Where do i go now, its all very well thinking you have located a problem which might be one that is hurting you, but what do i do with this knowledge? Im very confused!!! :scared15: :wacko:
Im waffling sorry... :weep:

[milly jones]

hey u waffle away popsy,

when u discover how to forgive yourself, let me in on the secret too please.

then well move on together

love

mill xx

[Lilith1980]

I think forgiveness and acceptance are quite closely related.

You did what you thought was best at the time, you stayed with this man because you thought he would change - there is nothing wrong with that.

In the end it turned out you got it wrong and he didnt change, but you shouldnt beat yourself up over this. We are only human, we get things wrong from time to time ;)

You say you have a wonderful man now, well I think that is what you should concentrate on - the here and now :)

I used to feel so much anger and hate at myself for the bad relationships I went through. I wondered why I had let these people treat me the way they did, but I have come to realise that feeling this way does me no good at all, and it doesnt change anything that happened.

Accepting something doesnt mean you have to be happy about bad things that have gone on, but once you accept them, I think you are moreable to let go and concentrate on what is happening in your life now.

And, the man you have now seems to be making you happy, so why not embrace that and enjoy what you have? :hugs:

Jo xxxxx

[popsy]

Thank you Jo for your wise words, acceptance and forgiveness being closely related? - i hadnt thought of it like that before, so instead of feeling anger and sadness about the past i need to accept it happened and live for now. I just have to accept i do actually deserve the wonderful man i have now!!!
Your support is greatly appreciated thank you xxxxxx HUGS

[popsy]

Milly.
If i finally work this thing out you'll be the first to know babe, and if in the meantime you do, give us a nudge!!! xxxx

[decca]

Hi Popsy,
I've always thought that you can only forgive someone that's actually asking for forgiveness otherwise it's pointless - in your case that person is you.
Therefore you have to decide if what you did warants forgiveness.
I think what you did at that time was probably right for that time and your actions were well intended so you shouldn't punish yourself now for acting as you did then.
The main thing is that you are now in a good and solid relationship and you have lots to look foward to so please please forget the past and look to the future.
God bless
Auntie Decca , Lol.

[marie1974]

hi popsy, i had a situation where i thought something was ok and right and it ended up being totally wrong and i couldnt forgive myself for a long time i felt an idiot, hurt, angry, humiliated etc etc, in the end i realised so i made a mistake it happens and we learn from it and it makes us stronger, i have forgiven myself now because i know im a nice person and this other person had lots of issues and problems and behaving as they do will only end up with them being sad and lonely. we can never change someone, i have tried before but really we cant, only they can if they want too. you are a lovely person who sounds happy with your new man so have fun and put it away to rest and just think oh well his loss i did try he dont deserve me i am alot better than that and be confident. hugsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[popsy]

Thank you Decca and Donna :grouphug: , both your posts have just made me cry (in a good way). You are so right, thinking back he had a lot of issues from his childhood, so i feel i can forgive that little boy that i guess he still was! I was young and in love, and hadnt learnt the strengths i needed for a relationship like that, i think i can forgive myself that...
Thank you for your time in replying to me, the kindness of strangers on this site always renews my faith in mankind or womankind of course! XXXXXX :emot-highfive:

[decca]

Well thar ya go ! sorted
good girl.

God bless
Decca