anxiety spiking so bad

[livingwithmyself]

had an awful day.

started off really good but then anxiety started spiking and carried on all day. Felt really panicky and paranoid at work, kept thinking everyone was talking in code. worried my illness is back. Wanted to cry all day. felt like everyone knew i was panicky and therefore acting weird. kept getting that rush of panic while my boss was trying to talk to me about work issues. god i am so rubbish.

then my mum calls and has a go at me cos she had fallen out with my brother. I was just trying to help. so i text my brother and told him off for being horrible to my mum and now he isnt talking to me. So my whole family has fallen out with me, im dead close to my brother as well. :weep:
feeling very delicate and not really well for work. want to drink a bottle of vodka and hide away. So just feeling a bit pooey really. http://www.no-smoking-forum.com/files/nosmoking/smilies/crying.gif http://www.no-smoking-forum.com/files/nosmoking/smilies/crying.gif

Rant over. sick of being afraid all the time

x x x

[diane07]

awww hun,

You're having a bad day, god love you.
you were trying to protect your mum thats all, sometimes it happens and it backfires.
I learned that one a long time ago, leave them to it.
Its dead easy text your brother and say sorry, its that simple, and if they fall out again, just listen, but don't get involved because its horrible when it starts off to be there argument and you end up taken the rap for it.

you will be able to deal with work better without family probs and you are not rubbish at all.

Hope its a better day for you tomorrow

Di xx

[livingwithmyself]

awww bless you honey. thank you. i have texted and msn my bro but he still not talking to me + my mum hasnt called either. i guess its just families eh?

my work isnt even a hard job either. i only have to do things like make bbqs and sit in the garden with clients but i cant even do that right.

i swear sometimes i think i might go insane. once i was so bad i thought i was going down a mental black hole and it was only my fiance that brought me back.

but, i guess i wouldnt be going to work if i was that bad would i?

i just feel so negative right now.

i wish my brother would text me.

sorry to be so dammn negative.

"the sun will come out tommorrow"......

thanx hun x x

[redballoons]

sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. Perhaps your brother just needs a bit of space, if he is angry its possible he knows he is over reacting and wants to calm down before talkng to you to avoid making things worse?

Anway i hope today goes much better for you and that you get through work feeling ok about it - the fact you are going and making the best effort that you can just shows what a strong person you really are.:)

soph

[livingwithmyself]

thanx hun. :-)
i know this all makes sense and is logical but i just feeel like crying. im sorry to be so down. im not usually like this, actually thats a lie, i am. but most of my painc comes from what other people think of me and now my family think bad of me.
its not even as though we live near each other. i live in manchester and they live in york and i havent even seen them since my dad died at xmas.
i just feel so tearful. gotta go to work later and visit a client who's dying in hosp so thats not gonna set me off with anxiety at all is it.
awwww poo. x x

[Zingara]

Hiya, how are you doing? Have you sorted things out with your brother? Hope you're feeling better.

[livingwithmyself]

awww thanx babe. yeah my bro is amazing and he was so not bothered at all. i guess it was just me paranoid + insecure. i love my brother. he is my ROCK.

i am stupid... but happy it wasnt as i thought. :-) x x x