Hi all,
I have got a diffuclt problem that I haven't mentioned before because I ve been too ashamed to. I really hope some other guys have had similar experiences. Im 23 now but whenever ive had sex in the past i have never been able to reach climax ever. I feel awful about it because apparently that just doesn't hardly happen to guys. Is this part of having anxiety or a whole different issue? Any thoughts anyone? Anyone know who I can turn to regarding this as that is just another reason I have kept myself isolated over the years.
C
Hi Chap
Do you smoke? and are you on meds? I know the side effect of some meds may cause this, and I think I read smoking can.
Maybe worth a trip to the GP, and I am sure it's not as rare as you think.
Regards
Jaco
Hi Carl,I can understand how diffiecult it must be for you to talk about this problem, but hun, I feel that there are many people out there with the same prob. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.There are many reasons why this may happed, I feel that only a gp can answer your queston for you.I do know however, that anxiety, stress can stop this from happening too. Only YOU know yourself, do you feel unconfortable when having sex. If your first time was a bad expeareance, then this could have what I call a chain reaction, where after your first time, your anxiety levels get very high every time you try to have sex. You get scared of it happening again (hence this problem)As it has already been said, meds can cause this problem too, are you on any?I can, (even though, I am a femal,) know how hard it is for you to talk about this problem, BUT ITS A MUST, your fear alone about talking about this problem and trying to hide it, maybe adding to the problem, do you know what I mean?You have nothing AT ALL, to be ashamed off hun, mmmm, not sure if I should say this, my hubby would kill me, but when he was under alot of stress this happend to him.Please, hun, pop along to your gp for advice, peace of mind goes along way.Hope I have not offended you by posting, (cos I'm a female)YOU TAKE CARE LOVE JILLXX
Hi,
Thanks for the supportive messages means a lot. Im not taking any medication and I really do think that this is beacuse of generalised anxiety that this is happening. I suffer with social anxiety too and I just can never let myslef go fully in any situation so its not surprising. Im really not sure what to do as ive been to the doctor already 2-3 times recently and i dont want to go with yet another issue lol.
Anyway thanks again.
Hi Carl - another girlie here and I agree with Jill. I think it is related to stress. And it does happen to other blokes ( to lots of them!!!!)
And the problem is that with regard to sex you start to worry about it happening again and hey presto - it does ( because you are worrying about it). It's Catch-22.
I think one of the first things to remember that sex is not just about pentration so you don't need to be fully charged up. Forget about side of things for now. You can have lots of fun playing and once you are in a relationship, you get more comfortable with your 'playmate' you'll build up confidence and find lots of fun ways to satisfy them and yourself. And then your anxiety in bed will relax.
I think people put themselves under lots of pressure to be fantastic in bed and think they will disappoint their partner.
Carl,
As a bloke, please don't be offended by what I'm going to say, but:
I *wish* I had that problem!!!!
My anxiety makes me go the other way, if you see what I mean. And that does me know favours whatsoever. In me, it's all anxiety-related - the less I worry about it, the less it happens. Basically, the drunker I am, the better my performance!
Thanks guys, I see what you mean its just a bit of nightmare when there is no end if you know what I mean. I have let it put me off sex all together but really I shouldn't. I should enjoy myself as much as possible and not worry about it because its not like I can "will" it to happen.
C
Hi Carl,
From what I know about an anxiety mind, Mrs A hits us right where it hurts, lets face it, who knows us better than anyone, OURSELVES, we know what would hurt us the most, what would bother us the most, what we fear, sooo Mrs anxiety knows this too. She knows this is bothering you and your hurting by this sympton, I know its not easy, BUT, don't let her do this to you.
The first thing I read when joining this site, ohhh boy, I think I read every single thing on here, was to eccept the panic, anxiety and all the symptoms that come with it. By eccepting, this does not mean your giving up, you eccept you are like this FOR NOW, JUST FOR NOW. Then find positive pathways of moving forward, using positive selt thought, tell yourself you WILL get better, Its OK, you have a problem, but your going to fix it. its just going to take alot of hard work, support and time, BUT I WILL GET BETTER.
From what I know, Mr A hates hope, this is far to positive for her, she NEEDS are doughts and fears and negative thoughts to survive.
The positive self talk about YOU WILL GET BETTER, I just need to find the right pathway, sets a good foundation for your recovery, without, hope anything we are trying to learn, is undermined by self doubt, ohh do you know what I mean, not very good at explaining things LOL
The hardest thing I found, was knowing just where to start.
Hun, you say you suffer with SA, I used to get this alot, but am making more proggress now with this. What do you think your SA is caused by, I know mine was low self asteam and a hell of a lack of confidace, always thinking people are better than me, so I work first on my self asteam, learning to like myself more, mmmm still working on the confidance, I even have probs replying to threads on here at times, far to many negative thoughts. My SA can still happen at times in certain situations, so still working on my thought pattens with this, ohhh is blinkin hard knowing just whats causing it at times, but I seem to always come up with an answer.
You say you don't want to go to gp with yet another problem, hun, its the same problem, anxiety, (anxiety symptom) maybe your gp can refair you to CBT to help with your SA, which in turn may fix this problem you are having.
Its hard knowing just which pathway to choose, to know whats going to help, the thing is, we HAVE to go out and get help for ourselves, it never just comes knocking on your door, its all up hill and blinkin hard work.
Get some books from the library on SA, you can get self CBT books, there are links on the fourums mmm not sure where, for free CBT on the net.
These are just my thoughts hun, I can woffle at times LOL after all that woffle, my advice would be, focus on working on your SA and any other anxiety issues, push this symptom you have right now to one side, I feel, if you deal with your SA and other anxiety, this problem will fix itself. I feel, that your focusing far to much on what you CAN'T do, this is far to negative, try dame hard to focus MORE on what you can. Try dame hard to learn where your anxietys are coming from, mmm I know this can be dame hard, read and learn about anxiety, read as much as you can, it does help.
I am not sure if my reply has been helpfull, but what I do know is, you can get better going down the right pathway, its finding it, that the hard bit.
This site is a great place to be, it has lots of great advice with new post and old. Nic has lots of stuff on here which are a great read and very, very helpfull. I would not be where I am today if it was'nt for this site and that is feeling better.
YOU TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXX
Thanks everyone for their thoughts and advice
C
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