Fearing Death Terror/doom

[Mike_27_uk]

Hi all, ive known about this site for some time but never become a member as i dont want the tag of being weak (not saying you all are) but i think my time has come to give in and just simply ask is there anyone that feels the way i do?????????? if so please let me know.

background:....................................... .............

6 yrs ago i was sat in a pub when BANG!! some unknown invisible thing hit me from every angle leaving me terrified. i ran home in tears and hid myself away , praying id fall asleep until morning when everything would be okay again! I EVENTUALLY DID AND IT WAS.

The next day i awoke and laughed at myself when brushing my teeth at my reflection in the mirror, how could i have got so worked up over nothing? stupid boy! off to work i went then at midday just like the small hand of the clock ticking the alarm sounded again. id heard this before....BANG!!
it was happening again.........oh no, all i remember thinking was "i dont want to die"

The ambulance was called and i was terrified, after tests at the hospital i went home, there was nothing wrong they said. i knew there was.

over the next few weeks it was happening most days it didnt matter where i hid or where i was BANG! BANG! BANG! this thing found me and hit.

to cut a long story short over the next year i had all sorts of tests etc until being diagnosed with panic disorder - Health anxiety.

to this day im petrified of dying, everyday i have a battle with my thoughts negative against postive, some days the positive win but when the negative do i know ill be in trouble cos it'll hit and whirl me into panic.

does any1 have this immense feeling of doom, like there dying??? if so can anyone tell me there story and who knows maybe we can help each other??? i just need to know im not alone.

thank you - please help

Mike

[bluebell68]

Hi Mike and :welcome: to NMP... you are sooo not alone my anxiety manifests itself in the same way except my feelings on doom have edged me towards health anxiety... so thats my trigger... i guess cos thats my worst fear... but anxiety can take so many forms.....its horrible and no one can really understand unless thay have walked in our shoes cos when we try to explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it... it does sound a bit crazy but its not, its real... have you been offered any meds cos thay can really help.. i take proprananol and citalopram, which has helped me begin breaking the panic/anxiety cycle..... i think that i had been feeling this way for so long that my body had forgotten how else to feel and i had got stuck in a physical rut of producing adrenalin constantly leading to all the symptoms you have described....they are not for everyone tho and there are many other ways to tackle anxiety, which loads of people on the forum will be able to help with... i struggled with myself over whther to 'give in' to my anxiety and take them but after some initial side effects, i am actually starting to feel 'normal' again :yesyes: ....
Hang in there and find out as much as you can about anxiety and panic, cos knowledge really is power when dealing with this...
Keep posting ...you are never alone here... please feel free to pm anytime
:bighug1:
Rachel

[Mike_27_uk]

Hi Rachel.
believe me ive got knowledge on them, all i seem to have done this last six years is read up on everything but still i cant seem to get over this fear of death itself, what ill see?, what my last thought will be? how much pain ill be in??? terrifies me. ive been on citalopram for 3 years now 20mg has worked on the panic attacks just not my obsessive thoughts.
thankx for replying and being nice - gives me some hope x x x x

Mike

[bluebell68]

Hi Mike.. like you i have read so much on anxiety but i agree its doesn't always help ... i was on 20mg too for a while but didn't find it helped much, im now on 30mg and that small increase seems to have made all the difference, but i know some people have found that they have needed 40 or 60mg to feel the benefit so maybe your dose isn't right for you... im waiting for CBT therapy which is designed to challenge negative thinking but you can access a free online course thru this website http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au (http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au)... is this someting you have already tried?

It is really hard to beat these terrifing thought processes and im still struggling sometimes too, so even if i can't help in practical terms i can certainly relate to what you are feeling and i'll be thinking of you
Take Care
Rachel

[mandie]

Hi Mike

:welcome:

I to have panic disorder and im absolutely terrified of dying.

Im struggling so much with health anxiety at the moment, every ache and pain and i think im dying.

I have my second session of cbt tomorrow. its only 4 sessions in total so i cant see how its gonna help but i have to stick with it coz i want to beat this

love mandie x

[WDWFan]

Hi Mike
I'm like you, i have a fear of death! over the last 12 months i have had a mixture of health anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, stress, and i have had panic attacks! it was a build up of stress that started it all off! mainly due to my job, my neighbours from hell, and my daughter who is mentally handicapped, then people at work were telling me in great detail how various people they knew had died in their forties, and then my wife developed breast cancer which literally tipped me over the edge! i've seen mental health workers, i've been to seminars, i've taken cipralex which i've had before and been ok with but suddenly they had big side effects on me which made me worry! and i'm currently getting C.B.T.
A good way to deal with this is distraction and masses of it! get busy, get active, get involved with things! the mind can cause allsorts of symptoms! i know because i'm still getting them, this website has really helped me, just knowing that i'm not on my own is very reassuring.
Mike if you want to pm me and talk feel free to do so.

Take care
Gary

[Janieb]

Hi Mike, welcome to the site.

I had to say I am in the same boat as well so lets row together :D
I think most of my life I have had this fear but it has been very distance, I did have a panic attack in a shop once when I was like 10 but didn't get what was happening and my mom told me to pull myself together.

Now after having my son suddely I am scared of everything. like i won't even take some medicine in case I take it and die. Some days I feel so trapped in my own person hell which I have created somehow! geeze I won't even get on a plane. I am not on my meds, I am trying acupuncture and CBT funded for by myself as the NHS are slow and down right stupid can't wait 6 months for therapy I would be pulling my hair out!!

My hope is to one day stop the fear and just enjoy life instead of worrying about it I know my dad said to me stop worrying about how you are going to die and worry about how you are going to live.

Anyway thats my experiance, so your certainly not alone.
Take care,
Jane

[JennyW]

:welcome: Hi Mike

I'm another one! I fear every day of getting a horrible illness or dying and it scares the pants off me . Mine started when I lost my father :weep: (and it's his birthday today) I too am having problems with health anxiety, and every week there seems to be something else to be worried about. However coming on this forum helps loads - it's good to talk :D

[Liverbird67]

Hiya Mike
Bet you didn't expect lots of other people to be thinking the same as you!
I suffer from this quite badly it first kicked off when I was 14 -15 with exam pressure, then I went to live with my boyfriend when I was 18 and it kicked off again got better after I left him and changed my college course.

I was fine for over 10 years got married had two kids, worked lots of financial pressure etc no problems had an unplanned preganancy and got terrible PND which started it off again about six years ago went back to work have been fine for 6 bloody years and its started again with a migraine attack when I lost my vision since february it has been horrendous, I worry about all sorts and believe me I am in the medical profession so I can worry!
its horrible isn't it?

I seem to be getting better slowly have decided to stop taking my medication Seroxat as it has been making things worse terrible nightmares, mixed up thoughts confusion etc (by the way does anyone else get this).

I want to return to work soon as I am becoming slowly bored to death at home as I have quite a dynamic job.

I hope this helps mate, I always feel it must be more difficult for a man to cope with this hell as men tend not to ventilate their feelings you would never hear a gang of men outside a shop discussing health or nerves its all beer birds and football!

Feel free to pm me anytime.

Regards

Debbie

[mila]

Hi Mike,

Welcome.

I have also suffered with panic and health anxiety, when I think now it's been something like 8 years wow :) Last two years have been a little easier, meaning it gets better and worse, whereas before was just worse every blessed day...But the fear of death, I think that was with me ever since I can remember. Everytime I think of it, it makes me feel surreal, just everything feels like a dream. I don't have to have a panic attack or have some worrying symptom making me feel i'm having something terribly wrong with me to think about it. I have started seeing this counsellor receintly, and of course I talked about it, how I'm scared of it, but it even made me feel worse, coz ever since the talk the other day I just can't stop thinking about it, it's like I realise over and over again that it is just inevitable and it is going to happen for sure someday to everybody and it just feels me with dread...and it makes me sooo depressed. I wish I could just forget about it.
Sometimes I can start just thinking there could be something wrong with me even when i don't feel any kind of symptom.
It's good to know i'm not alone anyway...although i would wish none of us have to feel these things...
:hugs:

[Meewah]

Has anyone tried to ease the feeling of dying. Mine comes from thoughts of responsibility to others mainly my kids I feel that I would be letting them down and ruining there lives if I died or became ill. I could not be the dad that I so wanted. I feel so bad losing my dad that I would not want anyone to feel this loss. That terrifies me. I have studied Buddhism for the last two years and this has helped me come to terms with my own Dad but I need to teach my kids those coping skills to ease the pain if anything did happen. I feel I need long enough to give them all the wisdom I have learned and the feeling of hope that when someone has seemingly died they are still with us.


Mike try to turn it on its head. We all assume that christianity is the only option and if you cannot adopt the belief in GOD then all is lost, WRONG, Buddhism is about no gods no one who can save us, it is all about re-traing the mind to view thing differently.

Dont dismiss it as an agnostic i nearly did. I felt I needed a reason for being here. The doc said i had discovered my mortality. Wow had I.

Visit www.fpmt.org

Stay away from Kadampa buddhism as they are a breakaway group, I found them and a website called www.newkadampa.com they have a strong pressence on the web under meditation.

Hope this or any spiritual discovery will help, dont dismiss it. Many psychologists agree that people who have a belief have better mental health.


Mee

[Janieb]

I have belief but sometimes it can confuse the situation sadly :(

[lilygrey]

I try not to think about the fact that I am going to die one day, but it does keep seeping into my brain and it grabs me in the stomach and I feel my heart pumping harder.

I have tried to have a philosophy on life and death. I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to live on this earth when so many people have not had that chance. It is only by chance that we are born at all and I try to feel that experiencing life is an honour. To have the chance to see the beauty of the Earth and to learn the many things open to us all is something we should all be grateful for.

However,occasionally it still overwhelms me,especially at night. I wake up almost every night feeling like I am about to die and can't quite catch my breath.

I do hope you can find comfort in the fact that most people fear death, especially if you are more scientific than religious. I always think it must be nice for those who believe in heaven - I am sure it helps when the time comes to leave this earth. However, as I don't believe in Heaven, I am trying to find some other philosophy to hold on to. I suppose it is about being more positive about life and it's opportunities rather than worrying about things out of our hands.

Try and stay positive !! :)

[debstar]

I am so glad I just found this thread.

I have this feeling and thoughts nearly everyday. I thought I was the only one and that I am going nuts.

Every niggling pain I get I think the worst or I will all of a sudden get this feeling that I am going to die.

This all came about after an operation I had 2 years ago and I kept thinking that I was going to get a blood clot and die.

It has stuck with me and I can't seem to let it go. I am on 20mg of cipramil and have been on this for 7 weeks and I find that the thoughts are still there but not as bad. I want the thoughts to disappear.

[nicky20055]

same here i'm scared of dying too, just the word frightens me, now i'm on meds it's not so strong but any ailment i get i am convinced it's serious ie: simple cold-meningitis, i always have to be pessimistic, i don't feel let down if i'm proved right? :winks:

[munchkin555]

hi mike
u r not alone i am petrified of dying and wouldnt even b able to watch hospital programmes or read stories about people that have died with out freaking out and being convinced it will happen to me.
now i force myself to watch and read them becauseeven tho i am still scared and dont want to do, i have realised that dying is inevitable. i'm not trying to freak you out by this, i'd probably be freaked if id have read my message a few month ago, but once you accept the fact it doesnt seem that scary.
every body is scared of dying to some degree we just have the fear on a worse scale. but everybody else accepts the fact that once day it will happen to them.
i know its not a great comfort but the trick to over coming this horrible fear is by accepting the envitable.
ok i sound like my mum now that is freaking me out lol!!!!
mike stop worrying u have your whole life ahead of u it takes time to accept it but one day u will and then you will feel like a huge weight has been lifetd off your shoulders. enjoy your life be happy and dont let this crap get you down!! believe me i have spent years worrrying that something will happen to me and having panic attacks. laugh at your anxiety. laughter is the best healer, even when u dont feel like laughing, just do it or dance around and sing, never let it get to you. your anxiety is only as bad as u let it get.
ultimately u r in control, anxiety may give u dodgy thoughts but its what u do with them thoughts that count and how u react to them
take care hunni
xxx

[Trixie]

I don't want to die (who does) but I know one day I am going to. I just hope it is a long way off, but who knows. I was brought up in a very small village and school holidays were spent wandering around the graveyard watching the grave digger dig another grave (and almost falling in it himself:D)

When I got older my mum and I would go round the church yard reading the names on the headstones and tiding up any that looked a bit tatty (she was on the parochial church council). Consequently graveyards hold no fear for me, as such.

I believe in reincarnation also and that we will return in the same family unit as we are now (except in a different order). I would hate it so much if I was never to see my children again.

If we spend all our time fearing death how are we suppose to enjoy living? We might as well go now and get it out of the way. I am very superstitious and do not like tempting fate but I am hoping that the powers that be let me be for a long time (at least 'till I am 95).

I am not making light of your feelings Mike that would be mean, but while you are spending your time fearing death you are not living. I hope you can sort out this situation and be happy once more.:bighug1:

[tayside lassie]

If we spend all our time fearing death how are we suppose to enjoy living? We might as well go now and get it out of the way.


TRIXI ..i totally agree with the above ..i suffered real bad over 2 year ago with what mike has ..mine was brought on by the death of my ole dad and menopause ..it was at the start of the year i thought i cant go on like this life is passing me by and im missing it all . it was at the start of the this year that ive tried to get hold of my life again i still have a long way to go yet but at least i can leave the house on my own and do most normal day to day things ....