So depressed for 30 years

[cosmic]

I say 30 years because I am 36 and figure I was still a little young to truly feel the weight of the world at 6, although, I can remember sadness in grade 1.
Today I feel so weighed down.
It's the agoraphobia. Going on 6 years now and relentless. I have never travelled to another country. Something I have always wanted to do and can't see it ever happening.
I have one person in my life I can rely on and love. Oh I burden him so.
I look at photos of myself as a child and I want to take that child and give her the love and confidence to face the life ahead. I didn't deserve my childhood.
Wo is me.
I'm sorry, but I have no one else to talk to.
Thankyou.

[Hope 2]

Hi Cosmic :D

Please don't be sorry, be proud of yourself for getting it off your chest. I find that too difficult when it comes to my childhood. I just wanted to say well done and I feel similar to you about my past. I also have just turned 36 :yesyes: and have been in the grip of depression, anxiety and OCD for the last 7 yrs. The last 4 months have been hideous, with the depression.

Just the last couple of weeks I have begun to feel a new sense of power and control over my problems. I am gonna be ok. I have decided that enough is enough and I would rather risk the fate that my anxiety tells me I am destined for. I am in the process of 'throwing myself in at the deep end' and taking that chance. I want to live again. I want to begin to like myself. The little girl that still craves to be accepted and loved is gonna find peace and I am gonna be OKAY.

We are the only ones that can truly help 'us'. But this place and other people can help and guide us too.

Glad to meet you :flowers:
Love Hope xx
Don't give up, we deserve to be happy

[chalky]

Hi Cosmic,

Recovery has to start somewhere and the place you are in-mentally and physically- sounds like the right place to start.
We can get very impatient for quick results-it's in our nature.
It took you 30 years to get to rock bottom so give yourself time to recover.
Setting deadlines on recovery will only add to the pressure on you so don't do that.
Set out to make each day the best you can make it.Living one day at a time allows you to build up physical and mental strength and a reservoir of self-belief that will allow you to fulfil your plans.
Keep believing in yourself.
You can and will come through this.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Lilith1980]

Hi Cosmic

You have come to the right place, and don't feel sorry - this is a place you can vent and get things out in the open :)

Like Chalky says, take each day as it comes, recovery is possible with support and if you put the work in.

Have you considered counselling? It may help to talk to a professional.

Jo xxxxx

[milly jones]

cosmic,

just sending u a big hug,

im falling back into that deep hole and trying to fight it with the help from my friends at nmp,

u are not alone here hun,

all the best

milly x